[00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 270 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, This is the place for you. I'm your host, Certified Life Coach and Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello everyone. Thanks for joining me. I know your time's precious, so it means so much when you choose to spend some of that with me. Hi, I'm your host, Danielle. I'm a Certified Life Coach. And if Any of you want to know more about what life coaching is, what Exactly, you know, the processes, maybe how is it different from therapy or counseling come talk to me.
It is [00:01:00] something that I envision and hope one day that is more universal and widespread because I think that we all need to have some tools in our tool belt that help us navigate the challenges of this world .And I myself have had life coaching just turn my all the areas of my life for the better.
It's kind of like relatively new type of support. So if you're interested, come talk to me about it. I'd love to share with you and even let you know my story of how I became the place I am in right now. But this is, this is gonna be a little personal, this this episode. And I already, I already talked about it in my group this week when I met them.
And I was like, well, I want to share this with my podcast audience as well. Not, not all of you will [00:02:00] find yourself in the same position I am but I'm hopefully I'll come from an angle to hit moms in different stages of motherhood. But let me just get started and jump in and tell you what this episode is about.
I heard a statistic, and just like I told my group, and I'm still in the same place now, I didn't go on and look up the study or where it came from or do any Googling or anything. There was no fact checking. I, you know, lots of times this is what happens, whether something is actually a fact or not.
It, it, it depends on what we want to think about. Like, is this something that is what we want to believe or not? And I liked the jolt that this gave me. The way that I word it is that right now, my mama heart is in a little bit of a delicate position. So when I heard this statistic, it shook me. It shook me [00:03:00] up. And so here's that delicate position that I, or at least that's what I'm naming it right now, is so I am a mom whose youngest child just turned 18.
And He is my only son. I have two other daughters. They have already, they're in college now, so I already have a taste of, you know, being independent from them and them being independent for me. But as, as moms with adult children and, you know, older children will know, like I, I picture myself, I've just got, I got one foot in the door and one out as far as like, yes, I have some that have left already, but I still have one under my roof.
And as the time of this episode, it's not too much longer, even though when they go out to college, they are coming back and, you know, technically still, you know, live under your roof kind of per se. But he's my, he's my last, right? And so my delicate heart is, is really just I'm trying to spend [00:04:00] and soak up every moment with him and just really, you know, be present and and give him a lot of attention. Whether he probably would say he likes it or not is is probably up for debate.
I actually have recently. I've asked him a couple times whether he wanted to come on the podcast. And he just fervently is answer with no, no, thank you. So we're not gonna be able to hear straight from him whether he likes the attention he's been getting or not. And he's actually had it for a couple years because his sisters have been out for a couple years, but.
So Anyways, I mean, I'm about to step into a new, a new stage, right? A new stage where my daily every day is not kind of focused or centered around my children, even though I can attest that there still is a lot of a time and attention just because they're not, you know, present in your house on a daily basis doesn't mean that I don't make myself available to them [00:05:00] or they need me and or any of my time isn't spent there, but I'm going to hurry up and I'm going to get to this, the statistic that I heard.
Okay. It went like this. They said, okay. That by the time our children turn 18, we've spent about 92 percent of the time we'll ever spend with them. Oh my goodness. I have no idea who's listening on the other end, how that, how that hits you. But it hit me again, the way that I just like, I just feel like this reverberation in my in my heart.
By the time our children turn 18, right? I mean, as soon as we bring them home and they're, they're with us in our home. As soon as that happens, like we are spending tons of time with them, right? Our life, we're, we're with them a lot, right? Until that first, what, going away either to preschool or that first sleepover or something.
I think I was, it was five [00:06:00] years into my marriage was my first overnight, one night on an anniversary. My mom watched the kids. You know, just thinking about adding coming up to 18. Like we're, we're spending a lot of time together. And what this statistic is saying that that is going to fill up the majority of our like physical in front of you present And then as you can kind of like imagined, it'll be more trickly.
I guess that's the word that's coming to my it'll be sporadic. Maybe that's even better. For the rest of their are our lives here. And so how does that hit you when you hear it? What does it what does it bring up for you? Right? It just, it hit, it was close to home for me. It was literally that timing.
I don't know how I would have felt about it if I, if I heard it when they were younger. And then, you know, I also, I can do a little predictions of the future or I can imagine [00:07:00] the future where if, if you wouldn't see them as much, you know, might how I, I might feel but I don't want you to worry because I, I don't want in this like worry for this episode that I'm going to be one of those cherish every single moment, like sort of talks because I know for some of us when we hear it, we can have thoughts that make us feel guilty about that, especially if we're not.
And s a mom, I've also had the thoughts that I don't want to be around you. I need some time. I need some space. Like and so just know, like when, if you're in the thick of toddler tantrums, or if, if you're in teenage drama, we. We don't want to feel guilty. Instead, I want to share with you how this stat, right, this reality check, maybe, if that stat is, in fact, something that's going to be very similar to what ends up happening with you and your children, it can actually bring you more, it can [00:08:00] bring more peace to your motherhood journey.
No matter what stage you're in, and you know, that is my purpose of these episodes. So my purpose isn't to give you the stat and have you, you know, all of a sudden be like, Oh, no, I've got to cherish every moment now, right? Because in fact I actually texted my older daughter's this stat, you know, and I, I put that like, you know, sad emoji by it.
Like the little tear coming out. But I loved one of my daughter's response, right? She did a ha ha. Kind of response. And then she said, Yeah, but were they counting parents with pools, swimming pools? I laughed out loud because yes, in our home, we do have a swimming pool and I know our family loves it and we love all of our time hanging around the pool and and and I get the point she was making, right?
I think she was that was her subtle way of saying, Oh, no, like we like being at home or we'll come home more often because yeah. [00:09:00] You know, of what it's like to be at home yeah, they love coming home to swim and, you know, she made a great point, right? She made a great point that I want to translate to you, too, is that you as well as as what I have tried to do is we can create spaces and reasons that our adult children will want to come back and spend time with us.
So in my mind right now, I just go to like, Oh yeah, I could, you know, propose vacations and, and things and great places and, you know, invite them to come. Of course, you know, one of those things people can look at it is like, you know, bribery or, or, or setting it up.
So, I'm just looking at it as, it's creating experiences that would want to influence our children to hang out with us and be around us more often, right? But let's talk about, let's talk about where you might be right now, okay? You could be in [00:10:00] the season of endless diaper changes. You could be counting down the days until your little one starts school or perhaps you're like me You might have be watching your teenagers prepare to spread their wings.
I I mentioned this to my group, too I remember my best friend She's no longer with us here on earth, but we were one of the Times in our lives, even though we didn't live close to each other. We so connected over motherhood, as soon as we were each pregnant and all through our pregnancies, we were, we were pretty much talking daily.
And I do remember when our kids were young and we each have three, she would be like, like just kind of complaining, annoyed at the people who would say to her, she always said, I just, I can't stand when people tell me that this is the most precious time or enjoy it while they're small. This is the best time of your lives.
[00:11:00] I just remember her being so annoyed by that. Right. And I, I can see how I, you know, that influenced me, how I've been like, yeah, you're right. Like, they shouldn't say that. Or and to some degree I get I get her frustration, right? Especially when you're in the thick of it, when you might feel like you're little drowning, or maybe you even feel like on top of it and stuff.
And that's why you're like, don't, you know, tell me that. Or maybe she's thinking, I am enjoying it. So you don't have to remind me. But I think what, what it was is she probably felt a little minimized. Like it felt like they're them saying something minimized maybe her struggles or her minimize the enjoyment she already was taking advantage of.
So just looking back now, though, I understand her perspective, but I also now that my children are older and I've I've kind of gone through it. And now I do [00:12:00] see that there was probably some. Like, I just, I just couldn't get to the place where I saw the future where they weren't there, and I think if I did that a little bit more often, it might have, I don't know, maybe, but it might have changed I don't know, my demeanor, my attitude, my focus. My actions.
If with that constant reminder of no, there are certain things that are happening right now in your life that feel that feel really hard, but there's, they're really awesome things. And one of the things I describe is like how your kids love snuggles when they're little or they get on your lap or you get to, you know, kiss their sweet cheeks and they were, they'll, they'll be like, I love you mama.
Or, you know, that kind of thing. And, And when your kids are older, we just, fact is, we just don't get that as often. And so I always use that as my kind of showing you my perspective of that's what I think when people, when somebody was probably [00:13:00] saying, you know, Oh, these are the best time. This is the sweetest times.
So. In a nutshell, I understand both perspectives, right? Those early years are precious, but they're also challenging, but the key isn't saying here that you have to love every moment. It is, I guess, opening you to have just a different perspective about it, one that may shift you to be more present or may shift you to feel a little more at home.
Less guilty, right? But so this is what I want. This 92 percent statistic to maybe teach us. Okay, for what I'm offering you today on the episode. I wanted to be freeing, right? I want it. I wanted to free you to say it's okay to look forward to the next stage, right? Because when we're exhausted from night feedings or teenage drama, It's perfectly fine to anticipate easier days. Makes complete [00:14:00] sense that your mind and your brain is looking for peace.
So it's like wishing for a later time or different situation, right? But then also, I want the statistic to remind you so that you can balance that with finding those small things that are going on right now that are precious and lovely and wonderful. And you can appreciate that actually will not be taking place after 18 plus years.
Okay. So how can you create reasons for connection? Now, the relationship you have with your child. I mean, we are setting up the foundation, that's just it, when they are with us and we spend, like who we spend the most time with is who kind of forges us and that's where our beliefs start, our form, and and so now how can you have a focus of it.[00:15:00]
A connection that will last right that so right now that could be something like, is it through family game nights? Is it through Sunday dinners? Is it through your special alone time in the evening routine like the bedtime routine? Or yes, in my example, even having a pool, right? It established an environment established traditions that that will continue into their adult years.
So building relationships and thinking about the kind of relationship you want with your adult children later, even if they're young to you now, you can go there and imagine what that is like. And now you would start laying the foundation. So this is what that might mean. It might mean again, this is all dependent of your child's age.
So it might mean having real, like, Heart to heart conversations. It definitely means [00:16:00] respecting their growing independence. You know, if we're a controlling parent, manipulating parent, the not the kind where you again, it's healthy boundaries, and there's certain lessons you want to teach. But I'm talking about when, when it's just developmentally natural for Children to want to grow and independent.
So are you setting up the environment up for them to be able to do that, right? Are we creating a home that they would want to return to? And are we establishing any traditions that they'll want to continue that hopefully include you? So as I watch my youngest turn 18, I realized that while this 92 percent statistic, it, it could be real, right?
It's again, it's up for interpretation. It doesn't have to define our future relationships. I can look at it and I can feel sad. [00:17:00] Which is totally humanly natural to do. And I can also. Look at it in a way that empowers me, that excites me, or that has me taking certain action that will support my emotional life should I you know, not be around them as much.
So, you know, the daily interactions will change when your kids aren't around as much, but the connection can remain strong, right, if we nurture it. And that's sort of what I hope this statistic kind of opens you up to think so it's not meant for pressure. It's not meant to make you feel guilty about wanting some time to yourself.
You know, especially if you've been listening to lots of my podcast that I'm not talking about. Oh, since we find out that after they're 18, we only have eight more percent time that we really will spend with them. Then Then, oh, I should spend every minute with them, right? No, of [00:18:00] course, I'm the biggest advocate there can for time for yourself in a way and giving them independence and thing.
But I just, I'm just inviting you to be more intentional with your time from this statistic inviting you to create Or as a reminder to create meaningful connections to see what you might want to do now to build foundations for that future relationship. And it is, it is definitely a reminder to find joy in ordinary moments.
I work that in how to have moms enjoy their motherhood now and statistic or no statistic of how much time we're going to have our kids and and be able to spend with them in our lifetime. We really don't know. And so it's always still about focusing on what you want to create for yourself and your family today in the now, that's where pieces is you choosing to look at it in a way that brings you peace.
And so, [00:19:00] yes, when I first heard it, it shook my heart. Which is right now in a delicate state because as I will, you know, transfer to a little bit new stage of motherhood I also, I also can take it as, Oh, okay. That's interesting. So now I want to be more intentional about certain things. So that's what I'm choosing to do.
So if you are feeling overwhelmed about how to make the most of your time with your children now, while maintaining your own peace of mind or if you are in similar place to me, where you are an empty nester, or maybe you are later kind of even, even beyond that, and you don't see your children as much as you do, Or and, and, and you struggle with that, then I want to invite you to come and schedule a free Back to Balance strategy call with me.
If you, if you are not in a place where you are feeling that [00:20:00] joy and the peace in your life right now, and that's for any reason, then come see if this is something that could support and guide you at this point at this juncture, right? Okay, together, we can create a plan that helps you. And what I'm looking for in that plan is we, we, we find a sweet spot, right?
That's, that's what I'm gonna leave you with today. We find a sweet spot between being present. With your children and maintaining peace with all the different kind of aspects of life in general. All right, everyone, until next week, may you find moments of joy in whatever season of motherhood you're in and may peace be with you always.
Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future [00:21:00] episodes packed with insights and tools. To create peace of mind in your busy mom life.
And if you're of the Catholic faith, like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident. I can help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances, whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like minded women or a self study course, I've got you covered.
Explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program or delve into my signature course, Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.Com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching.
And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, [00:22:00] The Cyclone Mom Method:, How to Call On Your God-Given Power To Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident As a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new- book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too.
Until next time, peace be with you always.
