[00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 268 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, Certified Life Coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel
in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome back to the podcast. I want to start out before we dive into the topic, I want to start out by giving a couple shout outs. It's two main groups. It's my long time listeners. You guys, we are well over 250 podcasts and a lot of you have been with me for quite a while. And I just want to say thank you the fact that you come back again and again and again and hopefully, you know, my whole, my whole [00:01:00] mission with this is to be a channel for Christ's peace and share the wisdom that I was.
Given to that has changed my life for the positive and I want to do the same thing and in particular for us moms who are just in the thick of it, right? And feeling like we don't have peace of mind. And that is what I hope that you come away with, with these episodes. And I also have to do a shout out to my new listeners.
It is so super fun for someone to say, Hey, I just discovered you. And, and I love that I can say. I'm so glad you're here and there is a lot of content for you, you know, thinking that I have this many episodes and having this library, I've pretty much hit all of the main kind of concerns that us busy moms have and [00:02:00] like, I'm probably starting to just repackage them in a little way.
And this topic, today's episode, I want to tell you that I don't have any, I want to start out with like this caveat, right? I don't have any first hand experience with fertility treatments, with adoption. I know what it was like to kind of, you know, decide and hope and feel like it was the right time for kids and for it to not happen on my, my humanly timetable and what it's like to turn over kind of control to to the Lord, to God.
But I wanted to, this is what I do know I wanted to address. I have had an inquiry from a client who is dealing with this and the coaching that she wanted was [00:03:00] around what other people were coming up to her and saying, those that are one in the know. That she is trying, you know, going, you know, having family planning in what would be, you know, a different route than what other people would think is I guess what's coming to word, I guess, is not conventional.
I can't think of it right now, but what, what I mean is that she is going, wanting to start a family and they have had challenges, but what she brought for the coaching had to do around other people and how, what they're bringing to her experience right now and how she feels when they ask her questions and what she feels about the timing of it all.
And when I offered back my coaching, I said to myself, what I think I offered her would be is what I want to offer. [00:04:00] others who might be met with this scenario. Cause though I might not have any adoption or fertility treatment experience, what I do have is understanding how to help guide people to handle difficult conversations and difficult questions and to do so with a little less angst and a little bit more grace.
So that is what I want to help you with today. And so if you are actually going through some of these. family planning challenges, then hopefully this speaks directly to you today and gives you some peace and some wisdom and a little bit more kind of control about how to deal with other people's questions.
And then for some of you, you still could get out of this episode, not on these particular subjects, but how to handle when We have the thought, like, I can't believe they asked me that or that's such a dumb question or it's none of their business kind of thing comes up. Okay, I hope I [00:05:00] made myself clear.
So I'm just going to just get started on what I think would be helpful for you all for this particular episode, right? So whether you are experiencing. infertility, whether you're considering adoption in the middle of it, whether you're choosing to not have children or you're somewhere anywhere in between.
Maybe it's not right now, right? And so you've either likely faced questions that you felt were invasive or uncomfortable, and these moments, I know, can catch us off guard, right? Maybe you are at church, maybe you're at family gatherings, or maybe even in the grocery store, right? We can, we can have these kind of questions come at us from strangers, right?
And I want to add well meaning strangers. Okay, let's just kind of picture this common scenario, right? Let's say you're just somewhere and someone asks [00:06:00] you, Oh, when are you having another baby? Or perhaps pursuing treatment or something like that. And somebody would say, and they, they have an inkling that that's happening and there'll be like any news yet.
And maybe these questions, again, while often they're well intentioned, you yourself receiving them can feel overwhelming. It can feel overwhelming and intrusive in your life, and it's interrupting your peace, right? So the challenge, it's not just handling the questions, it's handling them while maintaining your peace of mind.
And also this is super important staying true to what's right for you and your family, staying true to your values,. What is behind and necessary for you to keep peace. So we want to be honest, right? When somebody asks us, we don't want, and this is where the [00:07:00] coaching, when my client was bringing up that she was like, I don't want to lie.
And so I get that. I get that place of integrity where you want to be honest, but I want to offer today that you also need to protect your emotional wellbeing and you may choose to protect your privacy. And so I'm going to offer seven powerful strategies for navigating these sensitive conversations.
Okay, so this is where I'm, I want to give you that real time tangible help and not all of these are something that you might want to pursue, but as you're hearing all seven, what sticks out to you that you think sounds easy, sounds doable, sounds something that is really like loving and self caring for you to take the time to give thought to.
And perhaps write out, right? And, and start using or just feel, feel like you are equipped, feel like you [00:08:00] have it there ready. Should you find yourself in a situation where you are met with somebody asking questions that have to do with your family planning? Okay, so here's the first one. The first one is, to prepare your responses in advance, take time to think through all the potential questions.
We don't have to wait till somebody asks this one. We know what kind of question somebody might ask and decide on your answers ahead of time. Choose ones that feel authentic to you, that feel, that feel healthy, that feel strong. This, and it's not about creating lies. It really is about establishing boundaries, boundaries that protect your peace while still being truthful.
And there is a delicate balance there, but there is a balance to find, where it's not a lie, yet [00:09:00] it is something that's protecting your peace and establishing a boundaries. So, taking the time to think about the questions that people might ask and prepare your responses in advance. The next thing I want you, that's like a strategy that you could have in place, is to remember that your medical decisions and family planning choices, they are private.
In our world, remember, like all of our medical files and medical history and everything, there are laws that protect this, this privacy. And so just knowing that you can be both kind and firm in maintaining your own privacy. So a simple response, if somebody asks you a question, could be something like, you know, we're trusting in God's timing right now, or that's something we keep between us.
You could even say that's something we keep between us and God. You can gracefully end most [00:10:00] conversations with a response that has to do to protect your privacy around your medical decisions. Okay, here's the third. Third, is where you can gently redirect the person and you do so with love. So when someone asks about your family planning, you might say, Thank you.
Thank you for caring about our family. How are your children doing? So, this acknowledges their good intentions, right? You, you say thank you, but you shift the conversation. And so you come with a question around them. Now they may, in their mind goes, you know, decide to label that as, oh, they're diverting it or, oh, they don't want to.
It also sends that message to them without you having to come out and say something. But starting out with that not off, like not defense, but that offensive way of saying, you know you know, thank you for caring about our [00:11:00] family. That's then gonna just, you know, set them up hopefully to receiving that, that redirection with love.
Okay. The fourth strategy I want to point out is for you to focus on what you can control. Okay, this is a repetitive thing that I tell all of you and tell all of my clients that for sure, when we know this a hundred percent, we can feel more peace in our life. And that is. We cannot control other people.
We cannot stop them from asking these questions about us, right? So we don't want to focus on, give all of our mental energy on saying, gosh, they shouldn't do that. Or I wish they wouldn't do that. Right? Let's lean in and expect that people are, they just are. And so we want to focus on what you can control and you can always control [00:12:00] your response.
You can choose responses that maintain your peace of mind and that align with your values. And that kind of goes back to number one, right? With preparing your responses in advance. When you have a preparation, we have a plan, like a response plan. When it comes, you'll be able to focus on what you can control more instead of being in like a reactive mode.
Okay, the next strategy is to build a support network of people who understand your journey. This will include friends who have walked similar paths. You know, your supportive spouse, obviously your faith community, ones that do already respect your boundaries. And then also, especially if it's people who have walked similar paths, they're going to be a plethora of knowledge because You want to tap into how did they deal with it?
What did they find out worked for them? And so you want to have this build of support so that [00:13:00] you you know, outside of the people who come up to you and ask you these kind of questions that, that you don't want them to, that you also have your own little support network that you could maybe go have them support you, even if you're like upset about somebody having asked, like somebody who truly knows and supports your journey. Okay, the next one is something that probably pretty much be added into every formula of success when you're trying to navigate any challenge here in our earthly experience, and that is to practice self compassion.
I can't underscore this one enough that these questions that someone asks us, they can catch us off guard, right? And, and we don't respond as we'd like sometimes. We're not going to be perfect about it, and that's okay. This is the moments where you give yourself grace, that you're in [00:14:00] a, I guess, vulnerable place, or, you know, you're, you're dealing with grieving that how you wanted things to be, how you wanted things to be smooth, more smooth for you or something, and that it's not, or if it's not happening at your, your own timetable, like You're just grappling, right?
This is the part of those mysteries of life when we really think we just wish we knew and had the answers, but they don't come. So give yourself some self compassion that what you're dealing with is hard and that you're not always going to get it right. Okay? And then the last one. I want to just Plant this seed is to remind our brain to recall, to remember is that most people, they ask these questions of us because they care really for the most part, people have good intentions, right?
They don't mean to upset [00:15:00] us or to trigger something within, right? And so their execution might. Not be as graceful or smooth. We could call it very clumsy or messy, but their hearts are usually in the right place. And if we can remind our mind that, then we can, we can maybe move past, maybe excuse, maybe not dwell on as much like why somebody would ask us these questions.
Right. So let's talk about a couple specific scenarios that. You might encounter, right? So maybe someone is they know, or maybe they are inquiring whether you're doing fertility treatments. You can answer them by saying, we're focusing on our relationship right now and trusting God's timing with our family planning.
Okay, if somebody is asking about adoption or [00:16:00] suggesting it or knows that you're in the middle of it, you can have this kind of response of we're exploring the ways God might build our family. When it comes to either decision not to have children or decisions maybe you can't have them. Maybe you don't, the timing isn't where you are like actively planning right now.
You could say, we're at peace with how God is leading our family journey. But the one thing I do know is, is true. Is that none of you who are on, who are dealing with challenges and issues around family planning are alone. Many, many women who share our faith and who don't, right, face similar challenges.
And it is okay. As I remind you today to set boundaries that protect your peace. And if you're somebody who is currently in this particular challenge, [00:17:00] this is what I want to encourage you. I want to encourage you to write down those prepared responses, even practice them out loud, right? What does it sound like to get past that lump in your throat and say it out loud?
Maybe share them with a trusted friend, definitely like your spouse, so you all are on the same page and you have this kind of like unified approach when you're met with this these questions from others. And I just want you to give yourself permission to change and adjust your responses really as needed.
You'll try it and kind of see what works, see what feels good, and, and definitely, you know, adjust as you're on your journey. But most importantly, remember that your worth. Isn't tied to your family size or your structure or how it became to be that that God's love for you is complete and perfect, regardless [00:18:00] of your family planning journey.
And if you're finding it challenging to maintain your peace of mind while you're navigating this type of, of, of personal challenges and the questions that may come, then I'm always inviting all of my listeners who find me here to come meet with me personally. You know, what I offer on this, this podcast.
I love that you all can consume and learn this way, but I will underscore that there is nothing, and I mean nothing more helpful than actually getting into action on what I offer here. And it's just, it's easier sometimes, in a little bit more of enjoyable journey when you're doing it along with somebody who knows the ins and outs, who has the processes, who has the tools, who can hold you accountable who can support you and guide you.
And I love working with you mamas to create a plan that can handle your [00:19:00] particular challenge and situation and do it with more grace while maintaining your peace of mind. And so. If, if that is you at this moment then please, I'm always inviting you to come sign up with a free call to me and I would love to, to give you some help.
All right, everyone. I hope you found this helpful or especially it might not pertain exactly to you in your life right now, but I bet you, you know, somebody who it might. And so if you feel compelled, please share this episode giving the link. And help to someone and just know that when you do you join me, you are a part of being a channel of God's peace to to the world.
All right, everyone. As always, I thank you for being here and may peace be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to [00:20:00] today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools to create peace of mind in your busy mom life.
And if you're of the Catholic faith like me, or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life, and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help. Become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances.
Whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like minded women, or a self study course, I've got you covered. Explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course, Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the [00:21:00] best fit. Schedule a free call with me.
And also, don't forget to get your copy of my book, The Cyclone Mom Method: How To Call On Your God-Given Power To Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too.
Until next time, peace be with you always.
