[00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 259 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, This is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel
in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello beautiful mamas and welcome back to the podcast. I am talking about self confidence today and I'm doing so because it has come up with my clients a lot lately, wanting to be more confident. More confident at a new job, more confident about how they are showing up in their relationships. Some people who want a different type of relationship want to take on new scary things they've never done before.
In general, wanting to feel [00:01:00] and have more self confidence. And I love what I learned at the life coach school around the topic of self confidence and I like dispelling the illusion of where we think that we need to feel confident before we go after something or, you know, take action and in general. One of the things that sort of like blew my mind when I learned this that I want to talk to you about is that self confidence comes from after doing the hard thing, the challenging thing, the risky thing where we didn't think we were capable.
It's not that we want to wait for confidence. We want to go out and create and build self confidence for ourselves, which then it just becomes more natural to be someone who goes after things that are hard or difficult or scary because we have this just kind of [00:02:00] innate belief system about ourself and what we're capable of.
So I just want to start out with the definition of self confidence. It is being secure in yourself and your abilities. It's your ability to trust yourself, knowing that you can experience any emotion. Including failure without being harmed and your self confidence is just basically it's your overall opinion of yourself.
So let's talk about each of those individually. Individually, let's talk about your ability to trust yourself. This comes down to knowing that you will do what you have said you will do, that you will follow through on your plan, that you will take care of yourself, that you will do the responsible and useful thing for yourself, even, and this is the key, even when you don't feel like it.
So it's very different from saying that you're going to do something and then you hope you follow through. That leaves room for self doubt, which is the opposite of self [00:03:00] confidence. And if you're someone who can't count on yourself, you'll then feel insecure. A lot of the time, and you'll actually be at the effect of yourself instead of the one who's in charge and control and more confident.
Being self confident gives you the ability to trust yourself. It starts from you learning how to consistently follow through on your word to yourself. And you weren't born with this. You actually earn it from yourself. By repeatedly deciding to do something, keeping your word on it, and doing what you say you will at the highest level.
Self confidence comes when you know that you can also experience any emotion, I've said this before, many times on the podcast, that the only reason why we want anything is for the feeling we will have when we attain it. [00:04:00] So the reason why we don't do anything is because we are imagining the negative or worst emotion that can happen if we attempt something.
But truly, emotions are what makes life bad when it's bad. And most of us spend too much time in self doubt because we don't know that we can handle anything that comes our way. But what if the opposite is true for you? What if you became someone that can handle anything that came your way? We do this by opening yourself up to not being afraid to experience any emotion.
So the ability to feel. Like the ability to feel any feeling is, it's like our safety net for anything we want to do. It takes the risk out of anything and it gives us this bring it on attitude. This is this innate self confidence. So, wh [00:05:00] somebody is self confident, they also, they think very highly of themselves.
That is what generates or depletes self confidence, what you think of yourself. And even as you hear me, if you're someone who thinks, Oh, well, that's not a good thing. That's a negative thing to think highly of yourself. I just want you to pause and question that. Which is it? Do you want to have self confidence?
Because from self confidence, a lot of good can happen. Or do you believe that it's a negative or bad thing to be able to think highly of yourself? And so, a self confident person, they are going to think that they're good and capable and worthy. They are going to think that they're strong and competent.
And that is what you're after. And to feel that way about yourself comes from what you're choosing to think about yourself. To help you become more confident, you first want to find out in question, what are you currently thinking about, what [00:06:00] is capable, what, what you're capable of, or what is your belief system about yourself?
There is this line between self confidence and arrogance, like when you are self confidence, it is different from being arrogant. So I want you to be a little bit onto yourself of whether you have thoughts around what self confidence is that might actually be arrogance because arrogance is thinking that you're better than someone else.
And then you go out and you try and prove that to be true. This usually comes from a place of like a false confidence. You're trying to put others down. Arrogance works by raising trying to raise your opinion of yourself by like comparison with other people. But instead, what it ends up doing is you end up putting other people's down.
You don't really build yourself up. So ironically, arrogance, it [00:07:00] actually comes from a lack of self confidence. However, on the other side, when you are self confident, when you are genuine, you understand that all humans are amazing and capable, and you don't even need to put yourself in a situation to put others down.
So self confidence is something that we're after thoughts about ourselves that are highly you know, high about what we're able to do and what we think about ourself. We do want strong, positive feelings about our selves and what we can do and what we're capable of. So, there are, there is a main reason why most of us, if we're not self confident about why we don't have it, right?
And, and maybe most of us aren't self confident. And so when you're hearing this, it's something that you want to be and just see it as a matter of not trusting yourself and trusting yourself. So you can use that interchangeably. Do you want to be [00:08:00] somebody who trust themselves, therefore, there's more self confident.
Or do you want to be a person who is questioning yourself all the time and seeing the doubt and and and maybe seeing how it's not possible for you or it's not capable for you. So if we can't understand how to manage our minds we will then feel out of control with our feelings and actions, and this is the opposite.
If you're someone who sees that self confidence is internal and it's generated from within, from the thoughts and feelings that you have about yourself, then you, you can know how to manage your mind. You are going to be able to feel in control and more confident regardless. of what you are met with in life.
So we don't want to just feel negative and then hide. This will leave us more scared to try anything. It'll feed that whole wanting to avert from any kind of risk of failing. And, and [00:09:00] our brains, even though they're programmed, right, to see, like go and scan to see what's wrong, It finds negative thoughts and it creates negative emotions.
And that's the opposite of self confidence. So this is what we want to combat. We do that by uncovering what those thoughts are we have that creates the self doubt. That creates the lack of self confidence. So those are going to be things that you find that says, I'm different from somebody else that I don't know how to do something that other people are more special or privileged or lucky.
That other people's opinions defined you that it's better to take less risk that you're a victim or there's, you know, we're broken something about us needs to be fixed. If you have a lot of fear that means that we're not in this in self confidence, right? And so you want to uncover for [00:10:00] yourself what it is that you believe so that you can become aware and actually question and move towards a different way of thinking and about yourself, about looking, about what's possible for you, about what, like your aspirations.
Because once you redefine that for yourself, and once you start thinking about yourself differently, in a way that's more supportive, you are going to find yourself In situations where that you are setting more goals, taking more action, talking to more people, taking more risks, achieving more, believing beyond your current capabilities, you're going to be thinking about your future, not your past and.
The change doesn't come with waiting for opportunities for you to become more self confident. It is, [00:11:00] it comes from you really understanding that you're the one that creates the confidence. Then putting yourself in positions where you are thinking that way more of the time, which then is going to drive you to actually set those goals.
Go after them, try something, and then you're going to get a result to show that you can do it, or even if it was hard, like you survived, and then that will build your confidence. We want to rely on your belief that you can handle anything, because everything that you do go after or achieve, it's possible.
It's just a feeling, right? It's just a feeling you will have, and then you'll understand where your feelings come from. You will love being in this energy, this energy of confidence that then attracts. And creates more of the things that you want to be confident in when [00:12:00] you increase your self confidence.
This will come from changing your thoughts about yourself. I know I've repeated that several times here, but it is just so important for you to see that. And I know that when, it's not as easy as it sounds because you're working against some things. You're working against your humanness, you're working against the programming you have in your brain, you're working belief against those really strong beliefs that you have developed over time. Over the years.
So this is where we must train our brain to produce self confidence more naturally. This takes practice, your unwillingness to feel negative feelings when you're going after harder, difficult, challenging, scary things. That unwillingness to feel those tough feelings is literally what will keep you from your self confidence.
Our brain thinks that humiliation, [00:13:00] rejection, embarrassment, isolation, that those things are so awful that it keeps us from trying things. And then if we don't try things, we can't see what we're capable of and then have those thoughts of, Oh, I can do it. This isn't as hard. This is just what I do. We prevent ourselves from those abilities if we are being held back by thinking that those negative feelings are something that we're too scared and fearful to have.
So here is some beliefs and thoughts that can help you create more self confidence in your life. Here's some examples. The better I fail, the more confident I am. I have my own back. My potential is limitless. Fear is no big deal. I am capable. I was made for this. So what? Do you see how there's just more of a lightness when you might think of something that right now would, would hold you back from even [00:14:00] attempting it.
But if you direct your brain into some of these, right, what others think about me is a hundred percent about them. I'm going to choose what I want to think about me. And so as you try these thoughts and has as they drive you to get into some actions that you otherwise would keep yourself back from, you're going to make progress and increase your self confidence when you actually get into action and do these things, you will increase it.
You want to do the stuff that you're currently scared to do, and then you want to repeat that 100 times. I want you to give up on needing other people's approval. I want you to see that self confidence comes from needing your own approval. I want you to go out there and learn and build your self confidence by doing, not for waiting confidence to just appear to you.
So to summarize what I want you to take away from this episode to help you see what it takes to be more self confidence grow in your self confidence to build self [00:15:00] confidence. It is those three simple steps Creating the ability to trust yourself. What would that look like for you to trust yourself more if you follow through with that?
You will build self confidence. The second thing is to know that you can experience any emotion. An emotion is just a vibration in our body, and this is the reason why people don't build in self confidence because they keep themselves small and hold themselves back because they're afraid of feeling bad, of feeling those hard feelings, okay?
But I want you to step into actually leaning into, is putting yourself into experiences where you have to feel some of those tough emotions so that you can build your self confidence to show you that everything was fine. Like it all you can do things that your brain is telling you that you can't.
And the last thing is to know that self confidence is totally tied up with your [00:16:00] opinion of yourself. If you want to be more confident and have more self confidence, you first want to find out what are the opinions of me and uncover those that are limiting and that those are small or the ones that bring you self doubt.
And it's here when you resolve to think differently about yourself. In a way that opens you up to thinking that you are capable that you can do it, then you are going to be able to create that self confidence from within and then create results for yourself that show you I'm confident. I also, before I go, just want to say that my book, The Cyclone Mom, does just this. It helps you be able to call on your God given gift, which is your brain I give you the process of what will help you create more calmness in your [00:17:00] life will create more control in your life and will create more confidence in your life.
It is my signature book and process that Is directly going to address and help you follow the how and the steps and open your mind up to having your own back, knowing you can experience any emotion and helping raise your opinion of yourself. So if you're someone who wants to feel more confident, I would also recommend you getting a copy of the Cyclone Mom Method.
And all of how to access both the digital audio and paperback version will be in the show notes of this podcast. All right, everyone, go out there, build yourself confidence, go try scary things, show yourself what you're capable of. And until next week, peace be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
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Become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances. Whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like minded women, or a self study course, I've got you covered. Explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course, Divine Time.
To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit. Schedule a free call with me [00:19:00] at daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram at danielletinalcoaching. And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, The Cyclone Mom Method: How to Call on your God-Given Power to Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom.
Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.
