[00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 249 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, Certified Life Coach and Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Well, hello, beautiful mamas. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Right before we jump into this week's episode, I just want to let you know that I don't want you to miss next week's episode. So make sure you are, you have pressed follow when it comes to this podcast so that you can regularly find out when my next episode drops.
But next week I have an announcement to make. I'm so excited. I have something new to share and I want to make sure you're in the know. In fact, I have a couple things that are [00:01:00] stirring right now that I can't wait to let you in on. And so I just wanted to say, be sure to listen to next week's podcast and okay, let's go ahead and dive in.
Today we're talking about, here we are if you're listening to this in real time, it is the holiday season. So it is, we are getting ready for Thanksgiving and then Christmas season's coming. And I know that at this time of year, it's a great time to remind how to create an experience of these holidays that will bring us more peace.
I want you moms to go in just feeling lighter, right? And being more present instead of what can be a hugely overwhelming busy and kind of like extra making us overstretched with, you know, extra to do's. So, maybe some of you are feeling this right now, right? There's that mix of joy and dread as we head into the holiday season.
You know, that feeling where when you love the idea [00:02:00] of gathering with family and creating beautiful memories, but there's also this weight, this pressure. And maybe even some anxiety about certain aspects of the celebrations ahead. I know for me I have a little bit when it comes to this will be the first holiday season without my father here on earth.
And I have a little bit of anxiety of thinking about what that's going to be like, because I know it's going to bring up a lot of things for me emotionally, but I also will follow some of these steps that I'm laying out in front of you here today to help me work through those.
Even though I want to do a little bit of a focus on if you are going to be around what many of you might think is like difficult family situations, right? Let's just start out right now. Let's just share a situation that you might be facing right now. Okay. So maybe you're hosting Christmas dinner [00:03:00] this year, and maybe you're already feeling the knot in your stomach.
You're thinking about how maybe your mother in law will inevitably walk through the kitchen, offering some helpful suggestions about how she might make the food a particular way. Or maybe you have a sister who drops subtle comments, maybe comparing her children's, achievement to yours. And you want to create this beautiful celebration, but you're already kind of exhausted thinking about how you'll manage the personalities and expectations of family members.
There are four steps that I want you to take from this episode that I know will truly transform how you might experience a situation like this this season. So if you're feeling overwhelmed and you're already tensing up, maybe about certain family members or the endless to do lists, well, first of all, you're not alone.
And more importantly, you're not just stuck in this pattern. There is a way that you can [00:04:00] experience genuine peace through any "busy season" even with all the complexities of family dynamics and expectations that come with those. So here are the steps. Let's dive right in.
The first one, I want you to plan your peace. First, a lot of times with my clients, this is the exercise that I go to. We might start to talk about this now, right? Because now at this time of year, the planning, the thinking about people are starting to kind of like call and talk about what those might look like. And then you have in your mind what has happened in the years past, like when you start buying the gifts for the children, or when you start deciding what you're going to have for Thanksgiving or who's going to bring what. And I tell my clients to go to where the holiday is actually over and, when you are in that like mental place of I completed it and it was the most peaceful experience I've had, [00:05:00] I want to ask you, okay, what did it take for you to create that result where you had a really peaceful holiday?
Because you want to take your mind to that future version of yourself and ask that version, what did you do? Okay. So that's what we want to do first. We want to plan our peace first. So you know how on airplanes, they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first. Well, that's exactly what I'm asking you to do in this first step, right?
But we're doing it here with your peace before you can handle the busy schedule and the family dynamics. You need to secure your own sense of peace. So here is what that may look like. Here are some suggestions, maybe not all of them, but maybe one resonates with you and you'll take it. Schedule daily quiet time or prayer before your day begins.
If you started to do this now, and then especially on those days that are holidays, you were able to have some [00:06:00] semblance of grounding yourself in a quiet time or prayer. It doesn't have to be long, but just a few minutes. I know that if you ask God for your help through this time, then he is going to show you a more peaceful way.
And the second thing that you might want to want to take on is creating what I call buffer zones. These are little pockets of time before and after the gatherings that take place or before or after a big like meal preparation day or a big where you're going to be maybe shopping for gifts or whatever, those main kind of big events that take place throughout the holiday season.
Can you create a buffer zone before and after these activities where you decompress a little bit? So it's like before, you know, all the family members coming over. Are you putting in a little bit of time for self care again? [00:07:00] That could be that daily quiet prayer time I just mentioned, but some kind of, it could be a walk, whatever that buffer zone is before and after that helps you decompress a little bit.
The next thing I want to offer with this first step, when you plan your peace first, you want to set realistic expectations for yourself. Okay. Notice what I said is realistic, not perfect. Like when you know that you only really handle this many hours of something. Let's even say if it is, you know, how many different types of cookies you're going to bake yourself, right?
Maybe you think, I know I've done this, like I'm going to do, just do all of them in one day and get them over with. Well, maybe that realistically while you're handling all the other family things, that's trying to like get the perfect amount done. Maybe it is where you do one batch a day for a couple of days.
The last step I want you to do that will help you plan your peace first is to [00:08:00] focus your energy on what you can actually control. Okay? This is the reminder to coming back to we can't control other people. We can't control their behaviors and their words that come out of their mouth.
But you can control what you can think, how you feel about certain situations and what you decide to do and not do with your energy. So let me paint like a little picture that it might feel familiar to you. Picture yourself where you're looking at your calendar. And what is set up here for what happens with us at Thanksgiving in November and then into Advent and Christmas time, right?
Let's say that there's a Christmas pageant or the Christmas like choral event, right? There's three school parties. Maybe you have multiple children in each of the grades having different parties. Maybe your neighborhood does a little something. Maybe they [00:09:00] do a cookie exchange. The list goes on and on, right?
When you're looking at the possibilities of what we're saying yes to during this time. So, when you're looking at what those things are for you, maybe your chest feels a little tight just by looking at it all. This It's exactly where I would want you to implement the piece first strategies. So instead of trying to do it all, choose what truly matters.
Maybe you attend one school party. Maybe you send out store bought cookies. Maybe perhaps you create the 15 minute kind of decompress routine. Maybe that happens before your kids wake up. When you prioritize your peace, everything else falls into place more naturally. Now I know that what I'm offering you here today on the episode, it can work for any time of year, right?
So, step one, we're only on step one where you plan your peace first. It really is about that fourth suggestion about focusing your energy on what you can [00:10:00] actually control. We don't just have to default to letting this be an overwhelmed, more heavy, more pressure type of year. This is where I want to empower you that it's up to you to what you say yes and no to and how we react.
So I want you to think that when you plan your peace first, this is you telling yourself, no matter what is on my calendar, no matter what the family members who come over, what they say and do, I can create peace within this swirl of a time.
All right. Step two for you to make this a more lighter, peaceful holiday season is to manage these family dynamics with grace.
Let's talk about what might be the elephant in the room for many of you. And that is the challenging family dynamics. I have a client this in these recent weeks we've been coaching on her in law families have, has literally moved from out of state to 10 [00:11:00] minutes down the road. So, this year, Christmas will be different.
The holiday season will be different where she is like already anticipating that the family dynamics of it not just being like a visitor, but more like my family or neighbors now. And so, maybe, you know, her mother in law, always has something to say about her parenting, and maybe it's about the controversial topics they bring up at dinner.
Okay? This happens sometimes. This happens with a lot of us. So, how do we manage these kind of dynamics with more grace? These are some strategies you can prepare mentally for these challenging personalities ahead of time. That is like, you have an idea of what they might say or do. So this is where you have pre planned responses ready, in the ready for when they may make comments [00:12:00] that in the past may have triggered you.
So what would that look like, right? What are some of these, these responses you can come up with? I also invite you to create an exit strategy for those overwhelming moments. I love suggesting maybe taking the kids for a quick walk or offering to help the kitchen if you're in the middle, like talking with someone and the, you know, dynamics get a little bit like talking about controversial topics.
You can. ahead of time, decide when that happens, what am I going to do? Am I going to say to yourself, I'm going to remove myself and I'm going to go up into my room. I'm going to take a couple of breaths. Remember that other people's behavior, they reflect their journey. But not yours. So your journey, if it includes being a peaceful one, then you want to take the time to pre plan what are you going to say and do yourself in [00:13:00] response.
I want you to focus on being the person you want to be during this season, regardless of other people's actions. So let's say you're in the kitchen preparing Christmas dinner. And then let's say your mother in law walks in, she's like, Oh, is that the way you're making the stuffing? Maybe she says, I see you're still using those old ornaments instead of the ones that I bought you.
Or maybe she says, where is the vase or Christmas decoration I bought you the year before? Okay. Those little comments, instead of letting them ruin your peace, imagine you have like a steady response already ready. Something like, thank you for caring about our family traditions. We're making memories in our own special way this time.
Maybe you excuse yourself for a moment and you just were like, you know, Oh, you know, excuse me one moment. I'll, I'll be right back. And then that's when you go off, maybe to your room, take a few deep breaths, [00:14:00] right? It's about being prepared rather than being caught off guard. And maybe this means, okay, you literally just have to think of the person who you're anticipating it being difficult.
And then you just say, what are some usual typical things that they might say or do? And then take a few minutes to come up with responses or actions that you believe will keep you in that place of peace that you want.
So I'm going to move on to what I think is step three to be able to make this a more lighter, less heavy, less pressured more peaceful dynamics with our family during the holiday season.
The first, just the first step was to plan our peace first. The second step was to manage family dynamics with more grace. And this third step is to simplify your season. Okay. So how do we simplify our seasons? This is the step that's going to feel counterintuitive, [00:15:00] right? Because our brain thinks that it is just a fact that this is a busy, full packed time of year.
So, I want you to just trust me and know that simplifying is what really matters. Actually amplifies the joy and it amplifies the meaning, the true meaning of this season, which is for Thanksgiving, love and laughter and full of gratitude, right? And the Christmas season again. It's full of joy and love, and it's heaven and Christ centered.
So here's how to do it. You want to prioritize and choose two or three of your most meaningful traditions, and then you might want to let go of some traditions. This will help you simplify your season. You could always swap it out the next year. Like traditions don't have to be something that's like every single year.
Like for instance, let's just choose sending out Christmas cards. If that's not one of most of your [00:16:00] meaningful traditions to prioritize, then maybe you put that on hold for this year. You could always pick it up next year. We want to let go of those should do activities. Right? The ones that don't bring genuine joy.
Think of that. Now, what are the lists? You think that yes, you should do this every Thanksgiving, every Christmas. This is just what I should do again. Maybe it's like I should make from scratch cookies, right? Maybe instead, I'm not gonna. Go into that should mentality, but I'm going to, I'm going to embrace that.
But this is what is, would make my season more simple. And that is to buy that wonderful, you know, bakery cookies this time. When hosting, are you good at delegating tasks? And are you okay with how others complete those tasks? I know you moms out there just know like, Oh, well I could do it.
I just [00:17:00] know I can do it better myself or I know how, or it really doesn't take me that long or this way I can guarantee that I don't know the sweet potatoes are done the way I like. Whatever your brain tells you that you have to do. I know there are some tasks in there that you can delegate to others, okay?
Maybe we scale back the amount of decorating or cooking that we do and make it more manageable levels for ourselves. These are just a few options to simplify. And I want to get the ball rolling. That's what I'm wanting to do with this episode today. It's just having you like, just stop and question what is usually taking place for you the holiday season.
And can you stop to simplify it and just ask that to your brain? How can I make this more simple for me this year and my family? And that'll help you maybe seeing [00:18:00] possibilities of what to let go. Let's say you find yourself in this situation. It's 11 p. m. You're exhausted, but you're still moving that elf on the shelf.
You're trying to create that elaborate scene, right? Because that's what good moms do and, and that's what you're seeing on social. Maybe you're staying up late and you're hand making some teacher gifts because maybe the store bought ones in your mind don't seem special enough. I don't, whatever it is, I'm just gonna offer you, give you like a little permission. You could let those things go.
You could choose the traditions, maybe that aren't bringing your family closer to Christ and you might switch it out with a little bit something more more simple. Maybe it's reading the Nativity story each night of Advent, or maybe it's baking just one special family recipe together.
The magic that we get of the season, it isn't just It's about doing everything. It [00:19:00] literally is about being more present for the actual meaningful moments.. I know that our society and television and social media might show are big and elaborate. All right.
The last step that I want to point out. To have a lighter, more less pressured holiday season is just to practice intentional joy .I'm underscoring that word intentional. It's what I consider the secret ingredient to transforming any experience really. And it's about actively choosing joy. I think I've mentioned before in one of my bathrooms in my house, I just have this big picture that says, Choose joy.
It's so incredible how actually I think it says choose happy. That's exactly what it says. And I love that I I get reminded of this when I see it because even in the midst of all of our like imperfect lives and circumstances and situations, [00:20:00] we need reminding that went to be happy, to be joyful.
It's a choice. So what that looks like is we start each day with gratitude, even for small things. This automatically shows you that you are directing your mind into a place where you are choosing joy. As moms, we need to look for moments of delight with our children. Right? Because so many, so much of the time we're seeing where, you know, where the mess is being created or we're falling short or they're not like, I don't know, behaving like we want them to or something, but we must look for the moments when we're just like seeing their laughs, seeing their smile.
Maybe they're playing nicely. Maybe they're, I don't just look for those moments so that you can be delighted. Create whatever small, peaceful rituals, whether it is just taking time as you sip your morning [00:21:00] coffee and offering up little prayers, if it's doing like individual Advent readings each evening.
Just give yourself permission to enjoy these moments and intentionally look around and, and like, I don't, congratulate yourself for, for, for choosing them and doing them and find how it does bring you peace and how it is wonderful. Lastly, remember the true meaning of this season, okay? The season, it is to, yes, create love, create joy, to be with others.
We love to share, to give gifts, to receive gifts, right? To praise the birth of Christ, to remember, right? Why we're celebrating and bringing our mind.
[00:22:00] Okay, you guys, let's think about that first Christmas. Mary didn't have perfect circumstances. She was actually far from home in a stable, probably not how she imagined bringing the Savior into the world. Yet through that imperfect setting, the most perfect moments in history occurred.
And for you and your lives right now it won't be perfect. We will be met with unexpected things. We will, some of us will be dealing with some, some grief about lost loved ones. We also will not get this time back at these, at the ages our children are now, because all of us know that they'll be, you know, older next year. And so we'll bring on new circumstances for your families.
And then, yes, we have wonderful time with our families, and then some of us, it's a challenge, those of us that we're related to, [00:23:00] and maybe it's through marriage or not, and, and we are challenged by the different personalities that we have and the actions that other people bring into our homes and settings.
But if we keep our mind knowing that it doesn't have to be perfect, but it is up to us to create the lightness, the joy, the, the gratitude, the, those peaceful moments. It is up to us individually to what I was offering here.
Step one, planning your peace. Step two, managing the dynamics with grace. Step three, it's up to us to simplify our seasons. And it's up to us to practice intentional joy. And I know if you do this, you can experience true peace. This holiday season won't be perfect. And that's okay. It's not supposed to be, but it can be meaningful. It can be joy [00:24:00] filled and yes, peaceful.
All right. That's what I have for you this week. If you're feeling like you need more support on implementing these steps, this is where I want to always invite you to come to a free Back to Balance strategy call with me.
Especially, I just had somebody who came and they were a longtime listener. And it took me inviting them like I am inviting you now for them to say, yeah, why haven't I come right? Also, if you're listening to this podcast in real time, again, if you're someone who wants to get ahead of all that you have planned for the new year and next year coming, it's the best time to come call, meet with me, see what I have available.
And I am going to help you have more balance, joy, and peace in your life and in the year to come. And again, like I said at the beginning of the podcast, if you missed it, don't forget to follow the show and be here for next week's [00:25:00] announcement. All right, everyone. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you again next week.
But until then, peace be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the peaceful mind podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes, packed with insights and tools that will to create peace of mind in your busy mom life.
And if you're of the Catholic faith like me, or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life, and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help. Become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances.
Whether you need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women or a self-study course I've got you covered. Explore my private [00:26:00] one-on-one packages. Join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program or delve into my signature course Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit.
Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.Com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching. And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, The Cyclone Mom Method, How to Call On Your God-Given Power to Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom.
Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go tobook.daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too, until next time, peace be with you always.
