[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 248 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic mom, Danielle Thienel in the name of the father, of the son, and of the Holy spirit let's get started.
Hello, beautiful mamas. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm your host, Danielle, and today I want to talk about what touches all of our lives forgiveness. As Christian moms, as Catholic moms, as. Moms who faith is a really, really important part of our lives and who we are, we are called to embody Christ's love and mercy.
But let's be honest, it is sometimes hard to call on those things. Forgiveness can be one of the most challenging [00:01:00] aspects of our faith journey, whether it's forgiving ourselves for our own shortcomings, whether we need to forgive our children for their missteps or releasing grudges against others who have hurt us forgiveness, it is not always easy,
But what I do know is that it robs our peace of mind and that's what this podcast is always trying to infuse into your life to create greater inner peace and more peace of mind. And so that's why we're going to talk about it because when we learn to forgive and when we open ourselves up to God's grace through this action of forgiveness, it does lead to profound peace and for sure spiritual growth.
So let's try today to embrace where we might want to lean into forgiveness in our lives. And in doing so, we're going to experience the transformative power of God's grace in [00:02:00] our lives too. I'll get to the how of forgiveness in a second here.
But first, let's understand what true forgiveness is. Let's take a moment to understand what it really means. Cause often we hear the phrase forgive and forget, but is forgetting really part of your equation right now? I just went onto the Google and I just typed in definition of forgive and forget. And this is what it said. It said to completely stop blaming or being angry with someone for something they did and to stop thinking about it.
So I have a little bit of you know, a roadblock with this. Knowing what I know about how our brain and our choices of thoughts and thought patterns and beliefs is so instrumental and vital to creating how we feel and what we do and the results that we create in our life, that when I see this definition, [00:03:00] I see that it is a complete jump that we would have to take if we were hurt or wronged by somebody and our, and we are truly, then are in our thought system, believing that this is terrible, unacceptable hurtful and. You know, shouldn't have happened. And the person, you know, shouldn't have said that or shouldn't have acted that way.
And then all of a sudden we're like, we tell ourselves, Oh, you know, we're supposed to forgive. And then I want to forget it because it feels so terrible to think about it. And so if we were to follow this definition to completely stop blaming or to stop thinking about it, this is like not where we want to start because.
It's too big of a jump for our brain to go there. But what we want to do is we want to start redirecting our thoughts about the ones that were [00:04:00] completely blaming others right now. We want to start to gently move away to what else might be true and to what feels a little bit better about thinking about this situation or what this person did so that it, it, it, It lightens up the grip that our brain has.
It has on it that it's putting all of the blame for how you feel in that moment on that circumstances. And then the second part of forgetting to stop thinking about it. You know, the truth is, is that you, you probably can for a while. You can probably distract yourself or go on or in time. You know, you'll find yourself going about your day and not thinking about it.
However, it is a gradual process and then your brain might be triggered by something that brings you back to thinking about the person or situation or thinking that was terrible or so wrong or they hurt me. And that is again, when can we just gently [00:05:00] guide ourselves back to the you know, other ways of looking at your life from that day that can help you feel a little better.
. So it is like we do want to do the equation of forgiving and forgetting, but I still wanted to just understand that moving to true, complete forgiveness. It's a process. Okay. Yeah, sure. Maybe it could happen for you immediately, but for most of us, when we are finding ourselves in this situation, I would just want to, again, to to look to God's grace to help you on the path of moving towards forgiveness.
If you feel like, you know, right, and your brain might tell you when something happens that it's impossible at this moment. So let's just think of a couple of situations so we can just even talk about like specific things.
Let's say, have you ever found yourself in these situations? Let's say your spouse forgets an important anniversary and even though you say, you say, I've forgiven them, [00:06:00] you find yourself bringing it up. Like during future, maybe arguments. Maybe a close friend betrays your trust. And while you tell them it's okay, or it's water under the bridge, or you understand, maybe you find yourself hesitant to confide in them again. What about if your child repeatedly disobeys? And though you say all is forgiven, you might find yourself like anticipating and looking for them to like misstep again.
And then some of you can think about in your life right now, what your brain is saying is like something really horrible or tragic or terrible that some, somebody quote did to you. And then, you know, have that in mind and say, yeah, but those, those ones that you just brought up, Danielle, that they are, you know, quote, smaller or harder. Sure, there's going to be a spectrum, right? And a range of what's going to be more easy [00:07:00] for us to move into forgiveness. And those that again, like I said, is going to be more of a process.
So just even knowing that I hope is, is, is helpful. So maybe some of those scenarios I said resonated with you because I know that there's daily chances, weekly chances that our family and ourselves give. Give ourselves where forgiveness could be called in to into use, right? Many of us struggle with the concept of forgiveness and then especially the whole forgetting part after we've been hurt.
So forgiveness, it does mean forgetting, but it doesn't mean pretending the hurt never happened or pretending the situation never happened. Instead, what I want you to see is that it's up to us always to intentionally, consciously, deliberately choose. Even if it means you have to say it out loud to yourself, right?
I'm choosing to [00:08:00] release the anger, the resentment, the desire for revenge, whatever that is. It is a decision we make to stop letting the offense of someone else control our emotions and therefore dictate our actions and how we move forward. I, I always come back to, I think of a personal scenario where I was hurt and I said so much blame, so much animosity.
And then the person did end up removing themselves from my life and I watched how the, the bitterness grew in me as time went on until one day I realized like, I haven't like physically seen them in months yet I was letting what they did control my emotions and dictate how I was showing up and experiencing my life for those months.
So this is when I had to come [00:09:00] back to myself, take up responsibility and deliberately to say, I'm forgiving them. I'm forgiving myself for holding onto this. And I'm going to be the one who just works on whenever it comes up, redirecting my thoughts into a way that it moves until it gets to a place where I fully believe that I have let it go, which I have reached.
In Matthew chapter 18 verses 21 to 22, Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him. And Jesus responds, I tell you not seven times, but 77 times. I just want to add what I, what I see that in my interpretation is that like, what does that look like to forgive someone 77 times?
And in my mind it is where my brain brings up the situation in the [00:10:00] scenario again. And tries to replay it and that I then counteract my brain by intentionally saying, but I forgive that person and I send love to that person and I forgive myself for how I showed up and, and I, I'm choosing now to now look and focus on what's going on in my life today.
And, and then it's that kind of redirection of your thoughts in your brains and re recommitting to yourself what's actually happening for yourself. Like, Nope, I've forgiven them. That is what I think we might have to do 77 times. Well, hopefully somewhere between seven and 77 times, right? That's kind of how that's how I see it.
And that verse, I think it teaches us that forgiveness might not be a one time event for us, but it's an ongoing process, like I mentioned, and it'll just be a way of life. But from what I know in creating these results [00:11:00] in our life that we want, you know, to feel better, it does take putting the concentration on what we are thinking and feeling about the situation.
Okay. So now that we've clarified what forgiveness truly means, I just want to explore a bit why it's so crucial for our own wellbeing, spiritually, emotionally, even physically, that we choose to forgive and find peace in these situations because we want to turn our hurt into forgiveness. Like being coming more holy from hurt to holy in our, in our Christian lives, because unforgiveness, when we're unforgiving, it's like we ourselves are carrying the heavy backpack, one that hurt us, right?
Not the one who did the thing we thought was at the moment, unforgivable. We're the ones who suffer because we are carrying this mental and emotional backpack that's filled with stones. Sometimes [00:12:00] I say backpack, sometimes I say we're carrying a big heavy purse around. That's usually my default in my brain to go to the visual of a purse, purse, backpack, whichever one resonates with you.
And inside are stones and one stone is hurt and one stone is anger and one stone is resentment, right? And every time someone wrongs us and we hold onto that grudge, we're like adding another stone into our purse that we're carrying around with us throughout the day. You know, that can get pretty heavy, right?
And it will slow us down. It'll slow us down to our joy, slow us down to our peace, slow us down to the goals we want. And over time, this burden, it becomes exhausting and it starts affecting our relationships, our health, and like I said, our joy.
So have you ever experienced difficulty sleeping because you're replaying a hurtful situation in your mind? Do you get tension headaches or stomach aches when you think about a person who's wronged you? Is there like a cloud of negativity that seems to follow you that affect your interactions with your family when you [00:13:00] are finding yourself like holding on to grudges and resentment? These are all common symptoms of unforgiveness and studies have shown that holding grudges can lead to increased stress, higher blood pressure, and a weakened immune system.
So that's how it can affect our physical life. We already know what it does to our emotional life and again, like what we're thinking in our head, our mental life. So on the flip side, this is what I want to hone in on, is that practicing forgiveness, it can then lead to lower stress levels, better sleep, improve mental health.
It has nothing but upsides to it, including, right, the graces from God. Right? It's spiritually imperative for us as faith filled, faith focused moms, Christ centered moms, ones who we care about this aspect of our life greatly because it aligns, forgiveness aligns with God's will. I believe it opens our heart to [00:14:00] receive his graces more fully.
When we forgive, we mirror his mercy. And then we create a space for healing and maybe reconciliation in our relationships. So up until now, we've talked about, you know, understanding the what and the why of forgiveness. So then now let's explore the how. And here are just a list of a few practical steps to help you on your journey to forgiveness.
If that's something that you feel like would be really helpful to your peace and peace of mind. So first of all, I want you to acknowledge the hurt. So step one before you can forgive or the beginning of the process, it's important to acknowledge that you've been hurt. So you want to see at whatever another person has said or done is the circumstance.
And that has triggered some thoughts in your mind that then are creating a hurt feeling in your body. So let's acknowledge that. Right? Let's acknowledge a little bit [00:15:00] that we wish that that didn't happen, but it did. And that this is what we're thinking about that. And just by going and giving yourself some love there, like, Oh man, I wasn't expecting this.
I really didn't wish this was happening. And it's totally normal, right? It's normal that I'm thinking and feeling this way. And in that acknowledgement. I just want you to bring that pain to God in prayer, right? My cyclone mom method has this calling on our faith. So we would just want to start and like tell him, you know, to help you in this situation.
Number two, it's that deliberate choice to forgive. Even if your body isn't quite feeling it yet. Remember that you can just say, I choose to forgive. Right? Forgiveness is a choice. And just by saying it out loud, making a conscious decision, it is going to get that process and that ball rolling. [00:16:00] Even if you have to come back and remind yourself like, Nope, I'm choosing to again and again, like each day.
And again, even if you don't feel like it yet, the next step I want to offer is for you to offer up a prayer for the person who hurt you. Because what I do and help like all my clients to see is that for a moment we want to like open up to compassion to see that the reason why that person acted out and said and did what they did was it was becoming, it was coming from their own thoughts and feelings.
So if they did something we view as not good or not right, or the reason why that's happening is because that particular person is hurting themselves. Not like physically hurting themselves, just like inside they're hurting because that like hurt people, hurt people, right? And so maybe we just pray for them, right?
Pray to have God bless them and help them deal with what they're dealing with. And ask God to help us see them through his eyes, which I [00:17:00] know is also loving and compassionate like you want for yourself right now. The next step would be to release any need you have for justice and maybe trust that God sees all in.
He knows the situation and what's happening and we can just leave it up to him to take care of that justice, right? Romans 12, 19 reminds us, do not take revenge, but leave the room for God's wrath. And that is like literally, Oh goodness.
Sometimes in whatever, you know, level we're talking about of, you know, actions need to forgive. That can be hard. I know. But. It does bring me when I think about that, that I'm not the one to have to like, you know, take care of the situation that it will be taken a lot better care through God's ways. Practicing empathy is what I want you to open up to try and understand again, that other person's perspective and know that this does not at all justify their actions.
But again, helping you find compassion in it all. [00:18:00] And I want you to practice it for yourself too. If you reacted or didn't show up the way you wanted to, right? Or maybe you can see you at the part you've played in it. Can you , help you find compassion that you're a human being and we mess up and we make mistakes.
Okay. Seek support, right? Share your journey with a trusted friend. You know, someone who you can confide in if, if you have a life coach, that would be something where you want to talk through these situations and kind of get focused on what you want to be happening. Again, that process of being someone who works through the process to become, to retrain your brain in this situation, to be able to have new beliefs about it, that could be helpful.
And then again, I want to underscore forgiving yourself. That's an action. So I want you to say that out loud, right? We struggle the most sometimes to forgive, forgive ourselves.
Again, we're asking for mercy for this other person, but we want to have that spill over to ourselves. [00:19:00] And so. This is, I guess those steps don't have to take all of them or some of them can be helpful to help you loosen that grip and turn this hurt, right? If we're doing those, you are for sure in the midst of carrying out the process of forgiving.
I know that if you do those, you'll find more peace. You will take this hurt that was there and that will help you turn to a more like holy way of being and can we make this a daily practice so that we find how we can use forgiveness in these little things that come up, especially with yourself each day so that when the big things come, right, when the big things come, it is much easier to go through this process.
Okay. So what are your action steps for today? I want to encourage you to take one small step towards forgiveness this week. Is there someone you need to forgive? Perhaps you need to extend forgiveness to yourself. Can you [00:20:00] take a moment now and just choose and offer that situation to God, ask for his help on the journey and then follow some of these other steps that I laid out here today, knowing it's a process, giving yourself compassion, knowing that this is for you.
That's when we forgive, the benefit is for you and the graces that you will get from this action. , I know we will find ourselves in life when we want other people's forgiveness. And so the best place to start is to practice being that same person who is able to embrace forgiveness for ourselves and situations and for other people.
So we won't only find peace for ourselves, but we will create an atmosphere for grace around for others, for those who are around us. So that's what I have for you today. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found it helpful, please share it with another, a friend you know, send the [00:21:00] link posted in a group, you know.
I think we all could have these reminders and just how life transforming it is and how much more peace of mind we will have when we forgive and find peace. Okay. Until next time, I hope you experience the freedom that comes from forgiving and until next week, may peace be with you always.
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