[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 233 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Welcome back to the Peaceful Mind Podcast. I'm Danielle, your host, and this is actually the Fifth episode this month, right? We've had five this month. Are any of them your favorites? How about [00:01:00] the topics? Have they been spot on to what you needed? Do you have even a favorite episode of the podcast? Let me know.
I just always am wondering which one I know that this happens for me like when I'm reading my daily devotional I'm like Wow, this is like exactly like how how does it know that this is what's happening in my life? So for you all who are Listen to this episode today and this topic and you say this is exactly what I needed to hear.
I just want you to know That that will make me so thrilled because if you are someone out here who lacks having self compassion for yourself then this is a game changer because it is a foundational topic that is crucial for any transformation or for any goal you want to achieve. That's self compassion.[00:02:00]
That's what we want to explore because without self compassion, pursuing any other goal becomes significantly harder and you might even be setting yourself up for failure before you even start. So let's today open ourselves up. to why self compassion is so important and how it can transform your life.
Self compassion is so critical. If nothing else, I hope you will, we'll get that message from me today. Because what it does, it involves treating yourself with the same kindness, the same understanding, and the same support that you would offer to a friend, and it's about acknowledging that you are a human being, all the imperfections and mistakes that come with it.[00:03:00]
So without self compassion, you are likely to be overly critical of yourself, which can hinder your progress and make any goal seem insurmountable to you. And I know that if you do not have self compassion, you probably don't have a lot of peace of mind. I know that without self compassion, you are robbing yourself of peace.
Self compassion, this is not just a nice to have everyone. It is a crucial ingredient for a peaceful mind, and it's a crucial ingredient to have a peaceful, fulfilling life. So let's just get right to the meat of it. And the meat of it is our thinking, okay? That's what cultivates self compassion. The action of having self compassion is you having thoughts.
About yourself that make you [00:04:00] uplifted and feel good and put you more in a like neutral kind of content place. And so I want to give you some examples. I want to show you actual thoughts or tell you actual thoughts that do not bring or create self compassion. And then I want to offer you an opposite.
And so as you're listening to me, I want you to make note of them. I want you to make note when you're like, Oh my goodness, I say that about myself. And then I want you to hear what I offer as an alternative. So you can open yourself up to, even if you don't believe it a hundred percent. Especially if you struggle with self compassion, you won't, these new thoughts will, your brain will want to reject them, but I want you to take them as they are.
What you're going to work towards, like what you're going to try and grow your belief to, or what you're going to try and [00:05:00] redirect your mind to every time those old thoughts that don't bring you self compassion when they come up.
Okay. So I've got about 10. So here's number one. Do you find that you say to yourself, I should be doing better or I should be doing this better? How about we combat that with what does bring self compassion when we say, I'm doing the best I can.
Number two is I'm such a failure. But the counter thought that brings self compassion is mistakes are part of learning. Okay. You know how much I love learning. And so I can see. Do you see how that would bring some more self compassion to yourself?
Okay, number three, the thought that does not bring self compassion. Why can't I get this right? [00:06:00] Or why can't I get anything right? And we can counteract that with the thought. It's okay to not be perfect. This one, I, my personally had a hard time. Like I would be like, why can't I figure this out? Why can't I get this right? This should be better by now. And I never could open up to the thought that I felt like it was okay to be perfect. Like I, cause I was believing it wasn't okay to be perfect. Not until I, open myself up to seeing that not having that self compassion was just having me go on this, you know, round and round circle and not actually making progress to get what I want.
How about this next popular one that I know squishes self compassion in mamas, and that is the thought, I'm not good enough. How about I am enough just as I am. Notice the difference. Now, you might not believe that you're enough just as you are, but remember, you want to grow [00:07:00] in self compassion. It's such a foundational thing to, to have for yourself to be able to navigate this life more calmly and more confidently. But remember, we just want to work towards believing I am enough just as I am. And us women of faith, we've been told this, right? And this is where it's coming from, what we believe in and follow, whether it is the, the gospel or scriptures or the, you know, the Bible. And like, so it is okay to look to that, to say, Oh, how might. it be that I am enough just as I am?
I'm always messing things up. Are you someone who says this? Is this, is this something that you are saying repeatedly? And then we got to be careful about that because Maybe that is what's really causing us to see and build evidence for us always messing things up. [00:08:00] But we can counteract that and grow in self compassion by thinking something like I'm allowed to make mistakes. And I'll tell you right now. I give you permission. You are allowed to make mistakes. Because I know you who are listening to this is a human being and by definition human beings make mistakes. If you don't make mistakes, then that means you're a robot. And I've done a podcast about you're not being, you're not a robot. So go back and listen to that one.
Okay. So how about the next, this next one, everyone else is better than me. Do you say that? Do you get off of social media and think that, well, what I want you to know is everyone has their struggles. And if you think that more often, that will bring you self compassion. Everyone has their struggles. That is, that is true. Whatever we may see in a [00:09:00] picture or a video, there is going to be struggles in that other human's life. Because again, not only are we all like making mistakes makes us human, but so does struggling.
Okay. I'll never be successful. Do you think this? Okay. If so, this podcast episode was meant for you because what I want you to see is that you can achieve your goals at your own pace. And in your own way, that is bringing yourself self compassion.
Do you think that you don't deserve kindness? Do you say that? I don't deserve. I don't deserve people being kind to me. I don't deserve kindness. Well, not only could you think that you deserve kindness, but I want you to say, add, I deserve kindness and understanding. [00:10:00] How many times do you look at somebody else with compassion, thinking that they deserve a kind word or, you know, a hug or that you say, I understand you, I relate to you. I get you. It's normal. Right. But we don't say that to ourselves. I don't deserve kindness is not something that is going to serve you to help you get the change you want, the transformation you want to carry out the desires of your heart. Believing I deserve kindness and understanding is something you will want to grow into. That is a belief you will want to practice.
Okay. Number nine, I should have known better. I want to say when I'm looking at this, because I know that I'm also one that will forget this to be self compassionate to myself. And I think that I say [00:11:00] this a lot to myself. So even as I'm kind of writing down and teaching you, it's a great reminder for myself. I should have known better comes out of my, like afterwards. I'm like. It's some form of, why didn't I think that that has happened? Why didn't I anticipate that? I should have known better. But really, If something has gone wrong that I felt like I should have known better, the thought you want to bring, use to bring self compassion is, Oh, that's right. I'm learning and growing every day. Like, I'm a human being who is, who, who learns and grows every day because I'm always met with some things that It's challenging.
Okay. Number 10, do we say that we're a terrible parent or this is kind of a form of I'm a bad mom. If you say that to yourself, what I want you to counteract that so that you can [00:12:00] cultivate and build the skill and bring on more self compassion to yourself is I am a loving and capable parent.
And maybe at first, if you're not believing that, you want to go back and you want to scan all the days and say, where was I loving? What was something loving that I did? How am I capable? There is so much more going on in mom's life that they that they do that is amazing. And then when you do just that, hello, just even like giving birth, right, and all that's taken care of in the, what we do in those first few weeks and months, I already know you're a capable parent.
But if you don't believe it, if you don't believe you're a good one, or if you don't believe you're a good mom, you're gonna want to grow in this area. Of adding more self compassion about yourself as a parent, as a mom. [00:13:00] And so I'm a loving and capable mom is something you're going to want to direct your mind towards.
So there's tangible results that is happening in your life. If you are operating without self compassion. I know 100 percent that if you don't have much self compassion for yourself, that you are having increased stress and anxiety, a constant self criticism. It leads to this higher stress and anxiety.
Another result, if you don't have self compassion is that you procrastinate because a fear of failure results in procrastination and you like avoiding the tasks you want. Without, without self compassion, perhaps yours is burnout. You push yourself too hard because there's no kindness, right? There's no [00:14:00] built in self care and relaxation.
A tangible result of not having self compassion is strained relationships because self criticism that you have of yourself spills over into how you feel. You interact with others, which then can ultimately cause strain and the last tangible result. I want you to just ask yourself if this is you, that when you don't have self compassion, do you have low self esteem?
Because that's what persistent negative self talk brings us. It erodes your self esteem. So here's like a couple. Here's an example. Without self compassion, you could be somebody who berates yourself for not being that perfect mom, which then leads you to feeling overwhelmed, right? Because if things aren't perfect, then that's probably means you don't have things, a lot of things finished or completed or done.
And that feels [00:15:00] overwhelming thinking you have so much to do. And so from that overwhelm and stress. Then that has a snapping at our kids. And then when we snap at our kids, that creates a tense home environment. But if you're someone who's built the skill in self compassion, you'll be acknowledging your efforts more.
You will be understanding. to yourself and kind yourself knowing that parenting is challenging in itself and it's challenging for everyone. And then because of that, because you normalize that and see that that's something everybody faces, then you'll feel more relaxed and patient with yourself. And then when you're more relaxed and patient with yourself, that then fosters you to have to be in a place to provide a more loving atmosphere at home.
So let's just talk about the results. When you're operating from self compassion, some positive results that you will find. They, they're, they're directly [00:16:00] in counteract the examples of the lack of self compassion. And the first one is you will reduce your stress and anxiety, right? You will have less overwhelm because kindness towards yourself helps reduce this.
You'll increase your motivation because you'll, you'll like be encouraged rather than critical. And when you're, when you feel like encouraged. Just, it's coming from this inner positive self talk from yourself that will boost your motivation and productivity because you feel better and we feel better, we do better.
You will have a positive result of building in resilience. That's when we make our mistakes. Then self compassion fosters resilience. We make it easier to bounce back from our setbacks. We don't stay there like laminating and laminating. Is that the right word? Something around that we just stay there just kind [00:17:00] of like spinning and stewing in. Feeling bad about ourselves or the mistake we met met and then that leads to Just kind of like a week later.
We're still feel, you know shame or something about what we've done But if you build this resilience self compassion helps foster this Then you're going to bounce back and you'll get back into action and go forward moving forward The positive result of operating from self compassion is you're going to have better relationships You're going to treat yourself more kindly, which allows you to then extend that kindness to others.
That how you feel and feel about yourself, people pick up on that. And our relationships are more connected, the happier and healthier we are. Higher self esteem, without a doubt. Positive self talk enhances your self esteem and confidence. And I just see the irony in this because I know as mamas, this is what we want for our children.
This is what we want for our kids. We want them [00:18:00] to have high self esteem. and confidence and positive self talk. And if we heard them, like, what do we, when we hear them, if they speak out loud, what's going on inside and they say things that are like mean and braiding to them. Like when we hear this as mom, doesn't this just like, this just like chips away at our heart.
We're like, don't think that about yourself. And why? Because you don't think that about them. So this is where in self compassion, I'm always like, Talk to yourself as you, the things you'd want to say to your children or talk, like, talk to yourself as if you were having a conversation with Christ and what would he say to you?
He would be like, just pouring out self compassion and love and understanding and kindness. So why can't we do this for ourselves? Or not that question. I want the question of, can you start [00:19:00] doing this more for yourself? That's the question I want you to answer for yourself today. So another example is if you feel guilty, maybe about not meeting your, let's say your work goals or business goals.
And you start to doubt your abilities, which then has you like your productivity plummeting. But what if you accepted the setbacks as part of the process? What if you use them as learning opportunities? Then you'd have this renewed confidence and resilience that's going to lead you to better business decisions or work decisions, which then are going to lead to success.
Everyone, I want you to know that self compassion is absolutely a necessity. If you don't accept yourself or have a sense of self love, how can you grow in any of the areas you want [00:20:00] to get better in or to grow your results or change your circumstances? How can you help your children face a hard struggle or recover when others are like, I don't know, saying something bad about you maybe?
Really, self compassion is essential. It's essential for maintaining that calm and peaceful mind I know all of you want. Having self compassion, it allows you to navigate challenges with more grace, with more feelings of control. And remember, we're all a mix. We're all a mix of being a mess and being amazing.
We're all created in the likeness of God, but we're also living in a fallen world where troubles are inevitable. Ultimately, what I want us to do is understand our humanness, and understand our tendency to make mistakes, and know that, [00:21:00] that it's not, those aren't things that any of us get to skip any of us.
We're a mess at times, and we're amazing. And this is true for everyone. So I hope that in this episode, it really gave an emphasis or an openness for you to see that self compassion is the key to unlocking a peaceful mind. And it's also a key to achieving any of your goals. Anything that you want to have that you don't have right now.
So replace self critical thoughts with self compassionate ones. And I know that that is sounds simple for me to say. I know that it's not as easy or it can be that easy, but if that's something you don't know how to do on your own or you've tried and it didn't stick or last, that is one kind of, [00:22:00] you know, maybe highlight that you might want to seek outside help to have this happen for you.
And that is exactly what I help moms do in my coaching program is we deal with this on a every session. Is we're looking at those thoughts that we're having that aren't serving us and we're learning how to get to be and work towards and become the person that has those other more helpful, deep self compassionate thoughts on the other end, that those become more of our go to and our truths.
So if this is you, if you are lacking in self compassion, if you're lacking in self love, if you are heavy on the negative self talk, then. I want to offer that coaching is an amazing avenue to help you overcome that, and it will help you then have a more fulfilling and balanced life. And you deserve the same kindness and understanding that that [00:23:00] you freely offer to others.
Let me help you offer that to yourself more often. As always, thank you for joining me on this episode of the peaceful mind podcast. Until next time, keep practicing self compassion and cultivate your peaceful mind. Don't forget to subscribe.
And for more resources and support, visit my website at daniellethienel.com. And until next week, peace be with you always.
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And if you're of the Catholic faith, like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to [00:24:00] show up more calm, connected, and confident, I'd I can help. Become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances. Whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like minded women, or a self study course, I've got you covered.
Explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course, Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit. Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.Com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram at daniellethienelcoaching..
And also, don't forget to get your copy of my book, The Cyclone Mom Method: How to Call on Your God Given Power to Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom.. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version. [00:25:00] When you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too, until next time, peace be with you.
