[00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 227 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, This is the place for you. I'm your host, Certified Life Coach and Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Welcome back to the Peaceful Mind Podcast. I'm Danielle, and this is Episode 227 already. Wow. Wow. Okay, can't believe I haven't directly addressed this topic on its own up until today, but here we are [00:01:00] in the two hundreds, but we got here.
What we're going to be tackling is the topic that many of us struggle with. This is something that is brought to me again and again and again. I hear the phrase coming out of mom's voices that I just want to be more patient. So that's what we're going to talk about today, patience and specifically how to be a more patient mom.
I want you to know that patience isn't just about waiting without complaining. It truly is about how we manage our emotions and our thoughts in those challenging moments, and you can have more peace of mind that ultimately will create more patience for you. And that is the part we're going to focus on [00:02:00] because like I bring up before in earlier episodes, that how we feel matters so much.
Because it drives what we do and when you come and, and think, I want to become more patient, I know what you're really saying, right? It is your, your brain is going to how, what you allude with the actions you're doing that are All You're deeming as being impatient. Okay, so let me just back up a little bit here.
Let's focus on first about what your perceptions are about why you feel impatient in the first first place. So often what we do as moms is we attribute our impatience to external factors such as time pressure, feeling like there's never enough [00:03:00] Time to get everything done. We also attribute our impatience to excessive demands.
The demands that we have from our children, from work, from our home responsibilities, all the things that demand our attention. And then the other kind of main way we attribute our impatience as busy moms is our lack of support. Feeling like, like we are the ones that have to manage too much and manage it all on our own and we don't have the adequate help.
That makes complete sense if you are listening and going, yep, yep, that's me. Those are things usually when I'm feeling more impatient because I'm feeling time pressure, excessive demands, and lack of support. Well, if you will open up and be willing to hear that I'm offering what the true root of your impatience is.
It [00:04:00] lies a little deeper than those external factors because our impatience is more universally experienced when we are in response to these things, when we are met when we have unmet expectations. So, whether it's expecting children to behave a certain way or situations to unfold without hitches when our reality doesn't align with these expectations, that's when impatience arises.
It also arises when we find ourselves, if we have what we might label as control issues, right? The frustration inside arises from not being able to control a situation or control the actions of others.[00:05:00]
And then the third kind of real true attribute to our impatience is feeling discomfort along with uncertainty. So there's difficulty in dealing with the unknown or having to like wait for outcomes. This leads us to this rush to resolve situations. So this is where the impatient comes in as well.
But the big things that I want you to see is that time pressure, any kind of demand you have from someone or something else. And the fact that you don't have any support, those, that is when we are putting the blame on external things that aren't in our control. But when we see that impatience arises when we have [00:06:00] unmet expectations, control issues and discomfort with uncertainty going on within us, I want you to notice that those true reasons Internal things that we create on our own, like that is what we have control over.
Like we have control over how we react and how, what meaning we give to when our expectations aren't met. And when we are thinking we should be able to control something, but when we really don't, that is when we get impatient. And so, like always, the answer for how to become a more patient mom, similar to all the other challenges that we're faced with that we want to overcome, is that we want to take our eyes off of those external [00:07:00] factors.
Time, excessive demands and lack of support. And we want to focus in on making an internal adjustment to become more patient. We will want to do several of these new things that I'm going to offer you instead of blaming those external factors. But before I give you those kind of steps that I know are going to help you become a more patient mom, I want to turn to our faith aspect to be able to get more peace around this subject.
And so let's come from a little biblical perspective here when it comes to patience. So one of the reasons why we might want it so much is because we learn through our faith that patience is one of the fruits of the spirit. So it is a characteristic that we are [00:08:00] told and are learned that this is Going to help us live in accordance with the Holy Spirit if we grow in building that Strong inner part of our personality that has us becoming more patience.
The Bible speaks of patience as a virtue, right? It's a virtue that involves endurance under difficult circumstances as well as forbearance, right when dealing with others And it's this perseverance in the face of delay without acting, without acting in like a negative way with annoyance or anger.
And so that is one reason why we want it is because from our faith, the Bible and the fruits of the spirits tells us that this is a good thing. We're also told. In Colossians 3: 12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, [00:09:00] holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
And in Romans 12. 12, it says, Be joyful in hope, patient in prayer.
So again and again, we are reminded and through these passages, they suggest that patience is not merely this waiting, but , it's a waiting with a positive and a hopeful attitude, which comes from within. That is something you want to cultivate and create from within instead of focusing on changing the exterior.
You want to see how these passages suggest for you to reflect more on. Like a deeper trust and timing that is in a greater plan beyond our own like immediate desires and circumstances. So [00:10:00] this spiritual perspective can provide this profound comfort and guidance for you moms as you're striving to cultivate more patience in your life.
Okay. So now that we touched on a little bit about the the faith reasons why we might want to go after being more patient and talked a little bit about what we normally think is the cause of our impatience and the three things that really are those reasons. Now, I want to guide you through four steps that are going to help you cultivate more patience, and it is going to require you to focus on your mindset and your emotional well being.
These two important factors are usually the cause of our quote problems, but they're also the solution. And we're looking for the solution to be a more patient mom. Because [00:11:00] let's face it, as moms, we do often find ourselves in situations where our patience is tested to its limits. Maybe it's the morning rush when everyone is running late or those times when your little one has asked why for the hundredth time.
Feeling impatient. It's not just a reaction. It is a sign. It should be a sign to you to then tune into your inner state. And if you're feeling impatience, it's probably because we haven't given some time and attention to our inner state and how we're feeling. And we can then now make some shifts there.
So, The first step is to recognize and validate your feelings. I just want to give you permission and tell you, moms, it is okay to feel impatient. [00:12:00] It's normal. It's a normal reaction to stressful situations that arise and stressful situations do arise and we will get impatient. Acknowledging this is ultimately going to help you.
Be less impatient, be more patient because it's going to help you manage your feelings rather than letting them manage you. So if you are trying to avoid ever being impatient, if you are resisting that that is normal, That it happens sometimes, if you are reacting to your impatience, so we're like just piling on a little bit like more negative emotion about the fact that we were impatient, that is going to let you be letting your emotional state manage you.
And I [00:13:00] want to, that's what I'm trying to help you and teach you. And that's what I do inside my coaching program and for every client and anyone that I, who comes, who's seeking some help, it is to help you be the creator of your life, not let life, like. Run you and be at the effect of what comes your way.
So imagine right now you're trying to get out the door. It won't be hard for, for many of us to imagine this and your child, they can't find their shoe again. And instead of spiraling into frustration, this is where we want to take a deep breath and acknowledge our feelings. Like you'll feel it bubbled up.
You'll feel the race because you'll have a whole bunch of, here we go again. We're going to be late. I can't believe it. We're late. Haven't we figured this out? Like you, you'll feel that kind of vibration just deeper and deeper and larger and larger within your body. But what [00:14:00] if when you notice that happening, we don't make that a problem.
We just see it as that reminder. And we say to ourself, It's okay to feel this way. This is a tough moment. It's not going as smoothly as I hoped it would. And notice how if you were talking to yourself in that way, how that might just be enough to lessen that kind of spiral and snowball effect that like impatience can turn into.
So acknowledge this impatience and you will help prevent it from escalating. This self validation is that first step toward regaining control over your emotions and moving yourself towards being a more patient mom. The second step. Is to have a perspective shift [00:15:00] to purposely with intention to shift your perspective.
So we want to learn and grow and keep trying to do this step in our lives. When we find ourselves in a negative place, especially around if we're, we're talking around when you find yourself impatient, can you shift your perspective? So, one of the things that always comes to mind when it comes to patience is I think, and I think I've used it before here on the podcast some time ago, so I'll just bring it up again, and it's when I think about being impatient in a very long line at the post office.
Now, I don't really have a problem coming out of that negative feeling that boils up. Like, it used to go like really out of control, right? When I would just put my focus on how I'm rushed for time and there's so many people and there's [00:16:00] only one person working and like, you know, the people in front of me, they have so many boxes to send and I would be focusing on that and I would just feel my patience, impatience growing.
But this step, shift your perspective is now something I have practiced again and again and again. Thank you. That I can find myself in that same situation in the post office and have a completely different experience. I might at first start to go to feel that annoyance and frustration and build up to impatience.
And I can see my mind wanting to go down that, Oh no, here we go again. I'm going to be late, but I can catch myself. And that's what I want you to do and have a shift of perspective. I might look and say, okay, well, really there. isn't anywhere I have to be right now. I actually have more time that I'm letting on.
What could I do at this time that would make me feel accomplished? [00:17:00] Maybe I might take my phone out and go through and, and delete and clean out my inbox. This is just A way that shows you have how I have learned to shift my perspective and grow to be a more patient mom in that certain situation where I just find and follow this way to ease that tension.
So another example is like, let's say when dinner doesn't go as planned, like everything seems to be falling apart instead of focusing on the chaos of it. Right? Where maybe you've got people who are like coming in or snacking, or maybe you don't have one of the ingredients the water's boiling over, or you were supposed, you forgot you were supposed to do this side and you hadn't gotten it started yet.
You know, whatever that is. You just find yourself in this example when you're just feeling impatient. Can you shift your perspective to see that as an opportunity? [00:18:00] Maybe, if your kids are present, teach them about flexibility or problem solving. Maybe you talk out loud and tell them what's happening, be like, okay, I forgot to get this started.
Who can, like, offer me some way that we might fix this. Or what is another idea you have that we could have instead of me waiting for this to finish cooking? I just want to, to give you a couple different examples, right? To show you where a shift in perspective will allow you to then approach a situation from a different angle.
An angle of curiosity, of optimism. Openness of willingness of possibility rather than frustration, because when you do, when you shift your perspective, you're, it will lead you to a calmer, more composed reaction. And that's what you're after mama. You're after [00:19:00] being more calm and more composed in how you react to things.
That's how we're defining impatient and patient action. Okay, the third step is for you to prioritize connection over perfection. In the quest to be the perfect parent, it's so easy to lose sight of what really matters, which is the connection with our children. So, example, if you're stressed about the house being so messy when guests arrive, you're going to remind yourself in that moment that those moments of connection with your child, who's building a fort out of cushions with his friends or cousins or whoever your guests are that came over and you want to prioritize in your mind in that moment that that connection with the kids are having is more [00:20:00] valuable than.
A spotless living room at this moment, when in general mamas, we focus on what actually truly matters. That's when the need for perfection, things to go according to every detail of your plan. That's when it fades. And then your patience naturally increases because. You are now living more in alignment with your true priorities.
So if you are consciously deciding you want to be more more patient, I would say at the same time you're also taking on the goal of not striving for perfection. So connection. Maybe I'm gonna go back to the post office example. Maybe you Try in some form of fashion to connect with someone who's in that line with you.[00:21:00]
Maybe when the, when your child realizes they can't find their shoe, you tell them to come over to you instead of going into reaction. Maybe you come over and you ask yourself, how could we connect? What if it is, I look into their eyes, I put my hand on their back. If I tell them, like. It's okay, we're going to find it together.
The connection over perfection. And when you prioritize that, you will automatically find yourself becoming a more patient mom or being and living out more of your actions and reactions from patients. And for sure, that is going to lead to better results. Results that you will create for yourself that you want right now that you might not have.
Okay, the last step to becoming a more patient [00:22:00] mom is to practice self compassion. Being hard on yourself only fuels impatience. So we want to treat ourselves with the same kindness you would offer a friend. So after a day where nothing seems to have gone right, Instead of beating yourself up, practice self compassion, reflect on the challenges of the day, reassure yourself that you did try your best, that you could, that you are human, that you're not going to get it right, that you're prioritizing connection over perfection, and you can, again, utilize the shift your perspective step here, where you can take the next step.
Your mind off of the things that you were impatient about and focus on the things that you were patient about, because I would, I would guarantee that all of you moms who in the times you believe you're impatient, that's all that you're focusing [00:23:00] on when in that day. I would, I would definitely bet that you did already show patience at some point and were good at it.
But our brains at the end of the day, don't remember that part. So it's up to us to come back and do so. And so, again and again, I want you to know that the kindness you give to yourself rebuilds your energy and resilience. Self compassion in itself makes you a more patient mom naturally, because you are creating that support that you desire for yourself, and it's coming from you.
We don't have to rely on others, and you don't have to have others understand you, why you became impatient. You just want to support and understand yourself, [00:24:00] and that is accomplished through practicing self compassion. Okay, mamas, remember that becoming a more patient mom, it's not about suppressing your feelings or forcing change in that moment.
It's about understanding and adjusting your mindset to respond more peacefully to those challenges of motherhood. And so I hope that this episode helped you see that and maybe honed in on one of those steps that you want to put more time and attention to. And then I also want to just end by reminding you how I started out saying that time pressure, excessive demands and lack of support isn't what ultimately creates your impatience.
It is the mindset and focus on your expectations being unmet, having. These wanting to [00:25:00] control situations and others and any like discomfort you feel with like having to wait for outcomes and the solution to that is to recognize and validate your feelings. They're normal. Shift your perspective about those circumstances that are, are currently challenging that will then ease that tension, prioritize connection over perfection and practice self compassion.
This is what will lead you to becoming a more patient mom. Okay, everyone, as always, I would, if you have any comments, questions about anything you hear on the podcast or have an idea for a podcast topic that you want me to talk about. definitely email me at [00:26:00] [email protected]. I'll personally read them and answer them.
I thank you for being with me and I look forward to providing you another free podcast episode next week.
Thank you for being here. And until then, peace be with you always.
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