[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 225 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, This is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hi everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited this week I'm bringing you another special guest and interview for this week's episode. And today I'm bringing Carrie Marshall. Hi Carrie. Hi, how are you? Please tell everybody who you [00:01:00] are.
So I am Carrie Marshall and I am a master certified coach who helps people go after those really huge goals.
And so I've been able to help over the past five years. Lots of people get lots of different goals achieved. I'm also a mom of three, an author, and you know, I just like to have a really good time. Really cheering on other people. That really is what excites and delights me in my own life is watching people and, and being able to be a cheerleader for them.
And just as a side note, because I think this is really important, especially when you say that you are a master coach of big goals, and I want to let everyone know that Carrie is also my personal life coach, and has helped me with some very big goals, including, you mentioned you're an author, and helping me get to where I have my two books out, but Carrie, you know, basically keeping me on track in life and business.
And so I definitely wanted everyone to know that. That's why it makes her an extra special guest because [00:02:00] coaches need coaches, right, Carrie.
Absolutely. And you know, it's been so much fun to watch your progress in your own business and to be able to see how many people's lives you have been able to touch through you achieving your goals.
And I think that that's the most amazing thing as women is that oftentimes sometimes we have that thought that maybe our goals are selfish, but really I know that it doesn't matter if it's a business goal, a personal goal, when women go after their goals, it inspires and creates this amazing influence and impact of other people going out and doing it.
And so that's been really fun for me to see personally for you is like, as you've gone after and, you know, written books and built your business and other things the impact that it's had in your little community. So it's been so fun to watch. And it's been so fun to be with you.
And I know that I wanted my listeners to get a little bit of what you have brought to my life and especially on the topic of what we're going to talk about today, which is titled the [00:03:00] summer of independence.
So I love this time of year and for this reason, and we're going to talk all about it. So it's going to be really fun to dive into this. Because what we both know is as, as busy moms and I, have my clients starting to bring it up now is we're in the spring season, but everyone is is, you know, kind of has their mind a little bit ahead to that summer and for many moms, this is a time of overwhelm, right?
When they're thinking about the kids being at home more and maybe looking at the mom feeling less, less being able to have their own time routines are all changed up over the summer and it feels like there's this kind of fight in our brain that we're looking forward to.
This is supposed to be fun. This is when you know, more relaxed, I guess. But then with that comes this, Oh no, there's a lot more responsibilities on my end, or what are we going to do for [00:04:00] all that time? . And you know, our kids are going to summer camps and you know, I know even for our own schedule, we have our kids, it's like a revolving door.
But the one thing that I always think of is I'm like, okay, now we're eating three meals here. We're having my kids wear uniforms to school, so I'm like, we're going through a ton more clothes like I mean, like you said, as a parent and as a mom, especially if we're in the home and kind of in charge of our home, there's so many different things that come up that now are on our plate. But might not be on our family's plate.
And so it is a really interesting dynamic for moms during the summer, which is why the summer of independence kind of came up for me when I first created it. Right.
And so I also want to add into, because I literally just did a speaking engagement to a company on the subject of work life balance.
And I know I just did a podcast about it as well, but it was those that were working from home [00:05:00] or working outside of the home. They wanted that subject because that anticipation of their schedule needing to stay the same and their focus on work yet, how do I keep maintain, you know, my focus on work when now I have all the kids at home.
So I also want to acknowledge there's the, you know, the, the, the working outside of the home moms. I mean, basically just all of us parents, right? So yes.
Yes. And you know I've, I've been a work from home mom. And my sister is a work out of the home mom. She has three little kids and you know, the summer of independence is something that I created with both my children who are a little bit older and her children in mind.
And then I have all these different moms, stay at home moms and, you know, just different dynamics with, with different parents and it works for everyone. And I think that that's the main thing is that, like you mentioned When we have that adjustment of the summer schedule, it impacts all of us differently, [00:06:00] but it does impact all of us.
Okay. Let's jump in.
Okay, let's do it. The summer of independence and give us all of your wisdom and help so that we can feel better about this, this summer, our schedules.
Yeah, absolutely. So when my, when I had littles at home I was actually my sister, like I said as a professional and my husband was just starting a new company.
And so I decided that I would try and pick up because we weren't making any money from this new company. And so I decided to take on the financial role of our family. And so with that, it just so happened that my sister got pregnant with her first baby. And we always joked that. She would go and like change the world and I would raise our we call them the gaggle, like the gaggle of kids.
Well then it just all honestly lined up that way that she got pregnant. I needed to make money and we just kind of were like, yes, let's do this. So I had three little kids at home, three kids under six, she was pregnant [00:07:00] and so she had this baby. And so it was the summer she had a baby in July. She went back two weeks after she had her baby.
And all of a sudden I was a mom with four kids at home and I was trying to figure out because I just felt like I was drowning. I just felt like having all these little people at home and I was in charge of everything. And my husband was working long hours because he was starting a company. And I just remember crying to my mom and saying, I just wish I had another pair of hands.
And she said, you do, you have three pairs of hands that can help. And I just thought, and I wanted to make all of the excuses. They're too young. They're too this. And then I started to say, what if that was true? What if I could create these kids that could actually help with whatever they could with the ages that they were.
And so I started to do a lot of research about what is age appropriate for a six year old, a [00:08:00] four year old and a two year old. And it was crazy to be able to see that, like, I was actually doing a lot of things that maybe my kids could be doing for themselves. And so that created this independence where I was like, what if I really could have my two year old go and grab a diaper and the wipes instead of me holding the baby and trying to do all these different things.
And so that started kind of our thing called the summer of independence, which was where we would take life skills for each of the ages that my kids were at, and we would work that whole summer on that skill set. And so we worked on things like jobs in the house. We worked on making food. We worked on taking care of our own bodies.
We worked on things like friendships and getting along with people when they were that little and every single year, what we would do is the summer would be really focused on what's the next skill set that our children would need. And now I have a 17 year [00:09:00] old, a 15 year old and a 13 year old. And I will tell you that summer of independence has been one of the best things that we have done for our family.
I have now had my kids travel by themselves. My daughter flew to Hawaii by herself. We've had our oldest start to date and ask people out and do that. Like, you know, those types of skills. They've made money, they've created businesses. They can all make at least 14 dinners, breakfast, lunch. They can all shop all on their own.
They know how to budget. Like the impact that it's had on our family has been phenomenal.
That's amazing. My, my, my brain is reeling, especially, I know the moms that are listening, they're now thinking about the ages they are, their kids are. Cause that's exactly what, and just going back to that original where you said, you know, six, four, and two, I love it.
First of all, that it was your mom who offered you just [00:10:00] one, like insight, one different perspective or way of looking where your brain was like, No, they're too young. I have to do everything. Something along that line, right? Yeah, absolutely. And it only took you saying something out loud and your mom hearing it, her offering you a different way of thinking.
Like now you, you have other hands. Yes, that shifted everything from you. So again, I always love to point out when there's just a, a shift in your mind and what you were thinking, where at one point it's kind of closed off in the next part, it's open. I love that. I think it's beautiful. And so I hope that's what's happening with moms listening to it.
Whatever age you're saying, whatever age. I mean, the fact that you had a two year old and focused in with that question of what is something independent I can teach. My two year old, the two year old again.
It was pretty phenomenal. And you know, like I've, I've taught this for, like I said, a decade now. [00:11:00] And a lot of times I hear people say like, Oh, my kids are too old now. And I'm like, no you start where you are.
In our church. I was in charge of helping out a group of Teenagers the girls that were 16 to 18. And I remember we were doing an activity all together and somebody was like, Oh, I have no idea how to do laundry. And, and once again, I was like, I had already started the summer of independence with my kids.
And I was like, we start where we're at. It doesn't matter if you're teaching a 17 year old or a seven year old, you just start where you're at. And you say, okay, my kid doesn't know how to sort laundry into lights and darks and colors. Not a problem. And so we really did an activity where we taught girls how to sort laundry and then how to read laundry labels on their clothes and then like how to like then know what a washer and a dryer did and where to put things.
And it was so funny because I got messages back from them when they were in college and I had one girl and she was like, my roommate just ruined like a whole [00:12:00] thing of clothes. But guess what, Carrie, like I didn't cause I did this. And she was like, thanks for teaching me how to do laundry. And I was like, how cool, you know, like what a great life skill that she didn't have at 18, but then she learned really quickly and then was able to implement it really fast because she was going to college in like a couple months.
I'm going to totally admit that when you were talking about your kids, my brain did say that it was like, but mine are older, but ironically, I'm also remembering the conversation I just had with my husband this weekend when my daughters are coming home for college soon. And we were talking about like, Oh, here we go back to having to like have the meals for them and things like that.
So even as you're talking, I'm like, wait a minute, it still could be independently. I mean, they've been off at school, having their own apartment and doing their own meals. There's no reason why we can't continue that in the summer. Right.
But well, and that's kind of what I always think of is like, you know, we love to be contributing members of whatever type of group that we're part [00:13:00] of. It doesn't matter if you're part of like a soccer team. Or a family, people love to be a contributing member. Like think about your family and thinking about having members always sitting on the bench. Could you imagine like, if you really decide to put our entire family in the game, it means so much more to them.
And they might gripe and whining, but really like the fact that my kids know how to make so many meals has been so beneficial for them and they'll like go out and like help out at a friend's house and help their mom, like cut all the vegetables and stuff. And then the mom's like, Oh my gosh, and it just makes them feel like such a better contributing member to society where they're like, I'm so glad my mom put me in the game.
Okay. So what's come up for me is I'm and I love that analogy of the game. I can totally you know, relate as I even think about my son, you know, whether he's starting in the game or whether he's started the soccer game starts [00:14:00] and he's on the bench, right. Behind that, but I'm, I wanna, there's two things that came up for me.
One, I want to get a little bit more curious about the, this different independent things and throughout the, not just the later, you know, teenage, if we're starting now, but still more of that younger age. What are some of those activities for independence? And then secondly, just because I don't want to forget this question, you know, answer is that, I know that one of the obstacles that comes up at least it would for me the recovering perfectionist who thinks it's just much easier if I do it myself.
I'm really glad we're going to talk about that.
So it's saying like, oh, this sounds so nice, but what sounds nice is when the kids already have learned it and are already independent. But my brain will say like, I don't have the time or energy to teach them on the front end. Okay. Those are the two things.
Okay. Yeah. Perfect. Okay. Well, let's start with the first one, which is those younger ages. So as a mom, we're all going to want [00:15:00] different things and we're going to want you're going to see places where maybe you are frustrated or you feel like it's very mundane, the tasks that you have to do. And so for instance, you're going to want to look at those areas and just start to track, like, what do I do every day that maybe my kids could start to .
So, for instance, I was just over helping out my sister in law. She has a new baby. And then she has two other kids that are both like, I think three and two or something. And so I was talking to her about this and I was like, can't your three year old like make his bed? And she's like, I've never thought about teaching him. And so I was like, it's pretty easy, right?
Like, do you care if it's a little messy? And she's like, no, really, you have to pull up a blanket, tuck it in, and then put the pillow on. And so we kind of walked through those steps. And so that was one thing. The other thing was having her two year old start to just pick between this and that. And that's a really, really powerful one for young, young, young kids, [00:16:00] two, two and a half, is you want to maybe lay out like, Two shirts and say, do you want this one or that one?
And what we're doing is we're starting to show kids that they really do have a say. And so then you're going to say, so today you picked out the blue shirt and the red shorts. And then you're like, good job. You did it right. We want to just start where our kids are at. But then by the time they're three, you're going to go and tell them, go pick out a short and a pair of pants, right?
Like a, or a pair of shirt, a shirt and a pair of shorts. Then we can kind of start to tell them those types of things. And so that's where we really want to kind of, when we're really young, just think about those types of things that we're doing. Maybe your kids can't get their shoes on, but they could get their socks on.
And what that's doing is that's just creating a space where we can number one, encourage, and number two, we can really do some corrections if we need to, right? When they put the sock on and the heels on the top, we can kind of say, good job, buddy. Next time you [00:17:00] see this little bump that goes right here on your, on your on your foot.
And so really kind of thinking about those things, even something as easy as like, Taking your dishes and putting them in either the dishwasher or the sink doing things like not just maybe not pouring the drink, but taking the cup and taking it to the table. These are all small little things that we can do to really help create the independent.
And like I said, start where they're at. You're not going to teach a 10 year old, maybe how to do that, but you could teach a 10 year old, have them like, you know, do something else that maybe they're And that brings me to the next thing, which is the perfectionism. This system is messy. It is full of slowness.
It is full of frustration as a parent. And like I said, it gets messy because like, let's even go back to like making the bed. Well, they might make the bed and it might be shifted and it might, and you as a mom might walk by and be like, that's not [00:18:00] right. But we have to realize that we can do two things.
We either fix it for them, which then doesn't create that space where they understand what went wrong or how to fix it. Or we can Let it go and just be like, that was okay for today. And maybe tomorrow I'm going to tell him about it. Or we can like do a correction at the exact moment that we're like, Oh, that wasn't right.
But as a parent, we really need to watch our thoughts about what we think is important in our life right now versus where we want our kids to be. And so like, for instance, I was talking to one of the moms that I was coaching through this summer of independence. And she was like, It's killing me to watch, walk by my, my kids bedrooms and see that they have messy, messy beds.
And I was like, I said, okay, let's talk about that. Like, why am I, do people walk by your bedrooms a lot? And she's like, no, my kids bedrooms are literally like, it is our family's [00:19:00] space. And I was like, right now, right. Yes. And I could see you like kind of squirming a little bit about it, but we have to be able to say like, well, why is that a problem for you?
And is it a problem for your kid? And then, like I said, what are the three things you want to do about it? Fix it yourself. Let it go until tomorrow, or you can have a conversation about it the next time they do it, or correct it in the exact moment and then have that conversation with them. And when I was talking to and coaching with this mom, she was like, she finally figured out, like, that means that I did a bad job.
And she's like, I take my housework very seriously. Like, this is how I show my family that I care, but she's like, it really is where I get validation. And so I, we kind of worked through like, is that where you want to get validation? And she was like, no. And so we really had to work week after week after like, what do you want that messy bed to mean?
And it was crazy because after a month, she was like, my kids are like, they could, they could get jobs as housekeepers. She's like, [00:20:00] their beds look so good. And she's like, and it was annoying and frustrating. And, you know, there were some tears from both them and me and all of this, but she's like you know, and then a couple of months later, she's like, it's crazy how much I have.
Created a space where my kids are actually number one, helping out in the house. But number two, they're loving the confidence that they're getting from things. They're loving that they don't need mom to do everything for them. Right.
As you're, as you're talking, I'm seeing about how this is. Not any different from any other goal that we want or set out to, which what you're talking about is like the in between is the mess I call in my coaching practice, the hallway of discomfort, right?
Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Whereas we, if we're in a place right now where let's just say our kids aren't independent or they don't know how to do certain life skills, and we want to get to the place where that is already happening. Right. [00:21:00] The way to get there was what you're just saying is, yeah, it's messy and frustrating.
It's uncomfortable. It's a little painful. You're going to have to feel some negative emotion, but you'll have some wins along the way too. Like it's not all horrible, but that's the, that's the, anything that we want to get that has this grow and change or getting a different result we want. It's a mess or it's that hallway of discomfort.
It's like, that is the pathway. Why we would think that. Something like this would be any different about, you know, watching our brain, just want things to be easy, want them to happen quickly. It was, I don't know, it was just a good reminder that anything that's like, you know, that, that reaching the top of the mountain and that payoff and stuff, that is what we paid to have that is a little bit of negativity and comfortable, but we shouldn't let that stop us.
Well, and it's always just great to be able to have our kids be making mistakes [00:22:00] and fail within our home. Because honestly, like that's one of the things that I was just speaking to the, the dean of the high school and I was like, what's the main thing that you're seeing kids are struggling with?
And he said, resilience and failure. And he said, our kids are not being resilient enough and they're stopping before they can actually have a breakthrough. And so he said, so now we're struggling with kids not being resilient and not knowing that failure is absolutely necessary to succeed. And so I was thinking about the summer of independence and I'm like, honestly, that's really what we're doing in our home is we are failing.
So much we're failing again and again, and we're burning things when we're making dinner for the family. We're creating huge messes. We're not getting, you know like my daughter was working on like hairdos, like, you know, and like, we're having messy hair for a little bit, you know, like we really are struggling, but we're doing it [00:23:00] within our home and we're showing ourselves that there really can be like, I always say that within failure is feedback.
And so that's really what we're trying to do. And that, that really then goes back to my mindset as a parent about my kids failing. And so I'm always like, failure is feedback. And this is, you know, encouragement to keep going. And there's always a breakthrough after the discomfort hallway or whatever, right?
Like that's where I need to remind myself that it's okay for my kids to fail and that it's a learning experience and an opportunity for them. It does not mean anything about them. And it doesn't mean anything about me as a parent. And so we really have had some pretty big failures throughout the summer of independence, but what my kids know, and they're really good at is like, they'll sit down and be like, okay, what did I learn?
And that's always what we say after like some failures. I'm like, Hey, what did you learn? It's not, you made a mistake. You messed up. I'm like, Hey, what did we learn? You got, you got a 40 on your test today. Like I just had that happen, you know, with a [00:24:00] midterm, it was like, well, what did you learn? And my daughter's like, Oh, I learned this and this.
I'm like, great. Okay. What are we going to do different next time?
So good. Your kids are so lucky to have you as well. And let me tell you, like everything is still it's, it's still, I mean, I talk about it. And if you were to come into my home, like my kids still whine and complain about it. They still do a crappy job with some of the things that we've taught them.
And, you know, like that's them making decisions and having agency and, you know, and still you have to be a parent. It's not like you're creating these autonomous kids that are like 10 that are like, just roommates at that point, right? Like it's still a family unit and we're still struggling and learning.
And it's, it's just a beautiful way. Like my, when I have one daughter that doesn't want to cook at all, she doesn't like it, she doesn't, she, but she can. And so, but her love language is like, mom, can you make me food? And I'm like, yeah, like, of course I can. Of course I can do laundry for you. Because I travel, that is the one thing that my husband has said, and, you know, I travel sometimes, sometimes I'll be gone for a week, sometimes [00:25:00] if it's international, I'll be gone for two weeks, and my husband has called and said like, I cannot thank you enough for helping these kids be independent because when you're gone, like laundry is still done, they still are, we're still eating as a family because so and so has stepped up, you know, to make dinner before I get home.
And I, that is the biggest reward is that I know that I can step away if I need to, or if I'm sick. I and my daughter, like I had one daughter just have surgery. And so we've had to like be at hand therapy and all of these different places. But that has just given me a space where sometimes I'm like this morning, I'm like, I can't make breakfast. I can't make their lunches. They need their uniforms all pressed and this and this and this. And I knew it was all going to be handled because they can do it.
So good. And, what you had just said a little bit prior to this, I just have to reiterate when you're saying you're reminding that kids need to learn how to fail and how [00:26:00] that plays into their success.
Yeah. Not stopping them like before you've had your breakthrough. That is such, and it's not just, that's, we're focusing on the kids right now, but I also wanted, that was a good reminder for us moms too, about what are we labeling as a failure, right? And are we giving up or stopping on working through all of that mess and discomfort right before we're having a breakthrough?
It's so good. For you to help us remind ourselves about that. Okay. So the summer of independence, tell me how, how is this? And I guess you're, when I'm thinking about the other side, right? Like once you've built that skillset, or you, or you've gone through some of the mess and you've seen some of that.
So what are the benefits to even those moms who are thinking like, okay, that, that might be something, I want to take on, but my brain is offering me like all these obstacles of why now's not the time. So let's talk about, to help them kind of keep going, what [00:27:00] is the benefit to our kids? What is the benefit to moms? And then, like, as a family, as a whole.
Yeah. So, I think with our kids, this really helps, like I already said, create resilience, create a a system where they know how to fail and get feedback. It also creates something that I absolutely love, which is self confidence. And when we talk about self confidence, what we're saying is that you know that whatever happens, you're going to have your own back.
You can do hard things. You can figure things out. And I was talking to my girls about it the other day. And I think that that was the one thing that my 15 year old said is I was like, what did you love and still love about summer of independence? And she's like, I just really understand that I can figure anything out.
And I was like at 15 girl, like, I'm so excited about that. And the other thing that my 17 year old said is she was like, I love that I can try things that seem [00:28:00] really scary and that you helped me break it down. And so she's like, so then when I get overwhelmed, she's like, I just remind myself that there's a process to breaking things down into smaller chunks and that I can learn how to do that.
And I was like, those are pretty amazing life skills for kids to have that will always be with them. And so I love that benefit for the kids. Now for your, you as a mom, like I said I love being able to have a team that is strong. I mean, going back to that team analogy, we can always have like, and since your son plays soccer, we can have a great goalie, but if we don't have a great offense, like that's a pretty crappy game where that goalie is being overworked.
Mamas, sometimes you're that overworked goalie, honestly. And that's why we're feeling burnt out and overwhelmed and stressed. And sometimes where we don't even like our family, which happens on teams too. You know, sometimes we get on a team [00:29:00] and we're like, I don't like my team, you know, like they're not pushing, they're not trying.
And so we blame them or blame them. And so that's really what I love about this as a mom is that I love having the confidence in my team. I'm like, Mike, I always tell Mike, like my kids, I'm like, our family is stacked, meaning that we're a sports So meaning that we have every single position I feel like is Really being filled by people that I love and I can trust.
And that, like I said, even when we're not always doing the things that we know we can, I know that they can step up and do it. And so that's really cool as a mom to be like, my family's stacked, like we've got these amazing players here. And I just love as a mom like I said, my, my favorite thing to do is cheerlead people.
And so I love being able to be like, Hey, you just did that really hard thing. My daughter flying to Hawaii. She had a flight that got canceled. She had to figure out how to get back [00:30:00] home and get back up to the airport. Like all of these things were happening on our trip. And I seriously was crying all the time.
I was like, this isn't good. What am I doing? But then at the end of it, she was like, I just fricking traveled by myself and now she's going to Brazil for three weeks this summer by herself with a humanitarian trip, by the way, but like she gets to go and experience that. And I don't think that that would have been possible without us doing all of these other steps to get her there.
And so that's been really cool. And then, like I said, it's a family unit. I've watched our kids really step up for each other. And I think that that's something that, They have created a space where they are encouraging each other during the summer of independence. They have created a space where they bounce, because now I let my kids decide what they're going to be doing for the summer of independence.
They try and do it together where they can like, Oh, I want to learn how to cook. Do you want to learn how to financial plan and go and budget and you can buy all the [00:31:00] groceries? And so they've done that before. And so I think that during the summer, it's more of like this game attitude where I actually watch my kids kind of.
And you know, my two that don't get along very well during the summer, they have more fun together. And I'm like, that's kind of rad. Like, I kind of love this for them. And like I said, as a family unit, I feel like I, it's not just me. I'm not just the goalie that's working overtime. So it's kind of fun that way.
Okay. So I, I can just feel inside, like I'm getting pumped up about this and especially getting pumped up for my moms who are listening to this and they're saying, no, I, this is something I want to take on or do, or at least the wheels are turning, right? I guess. So what can you tell them that they can, to take action on this today?
When the mom listening has decided, I want to do a summer of independence. Yes. My moms are, we're in every stage of motherhood, so we have littles and we have, you know, they're grown up and out of the house, right? [00:32:00] So what would you just give them like some action, where to start and what they can do to get going?
Yeah. Yeah. Great question. The first thing that you want to do is just really look at your kid's day to day. You know, what are they doing every single day? And then from there, really ask yourself and then what am I doing for them? And I think that that's a really key position is. Is seeing where that intersects of like, you know, and then ask yourself the next question, like, what could they be doing for themselves?
And then really understanding that, you know, it really is those basic baby steps and it doesn't matter if it's a teenager or a toddler. You really can break it down for them and then really understanding that then you get to decide what it looks like for you. You know, a summer of independence really could be all about making the bed and be done, but we really want to just be like, well, what do we really want this to look like?
And so we break it down for our family. We, we break it down to be a couple of different things. We break it down to be like food, because that's a huge thing in your life. [00:33:00] Learning how to create healthy meals and clean up after yourself. We also do. Something like that they have to do. That's a huge project during the year or during the summer.
And so that's been fun. But there's so many different ideas for it. And so the one thing that I want to do is just offer this free resource, which is if you go to my YouTube channel, drive your thoughts coaching, I have the entire breakdown of video of summer of independence. And that's what the video is called.
And so I really go so deep step by step by step and take you through the entire process. I show you our summer of independence and I made it several years ago. So it's more of when they were, you know first teenager and, and into those preteen years. But really, I think that today. What I want you to do is just ask yourself, what do I do for my kids?
What could they be doing for themselves? And and then, you know, build from there. Just start where you're at and it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. And just know your kids own ability. You know, that's the other thing is I had one of the moms [00:34:00] come who has a special needs child and she's like, well, my, my daughter's abilities are a little different.
And I said, absolutely. I said, we need to know, and you are the only one that can create that list. You know, if I were to say, here's your list for two to four year olds, you might get frustrated. You know, and be like, oh, my four year old's not there. It really doesn't matter. You know your child's abilities better than anyone else.
And so, know what that is, and then know what wins are going to look like. Because that's the best part, is that we get to celebrate wins all along the way. So good. And I just wanted to add one, perhaps, because this is what I picked on, picked up on earlier in our conversation, was when you said, when you, when the mom asked about herself.
What are some of the mundane tasks right now that I'm doing that I like, you know, yes, routine and maybe a little joyless or something like that. I think it's the perfect place to start to say, could I get the kids involved in that to make it less mundane anyways. And the other [00:35:00] thing that I always ask is what are the things that you are absolutely not willing to give up that you will joyfully do for your family?
Yeah. And so I have a sister in law that really, really does not like the mess that her kids make in the kitchen. And, but she was resentfully making all the food. And I said, that's a very interesting spot to put yourself in that you won't allow this. But you also won't shift your mindset around it. And so I asked her about that.
And so she finally was like, you know what? I actually don't want them to do this part, but I really do want to change my mindset. And so that's why I say, what are the things that you don't want them to do that you joyfully do for your family?
That's so good. So good. Oh my gosh, Carrie, we could go on and on.
So I will definitely link that resource up into the show notes. That's going to be so helpful. But thank you so much for coming on the podcast today and helping us. So fun. So fun to be [00:36:00] with you.
And you know, I just love this genre that you're coaching. I love this group because honestly as, as a mom, We have so much more impact on not only our own little family, but on our communities. I mean, just the other day I had a kid say, like, I love being at your house because of this and this and this. And I just thought, how cool. And you know, the impact that like other moms had on myself and my husband, as we were growing up, I just want to just say, like, I am cheering for you mamas.
Like, I love you so much. And I know that this can be one of the hardest things that we do, but from both Danielle and I am going to speak for both of us. Know that we love you. We pray for you as mamas and that we are so proud of you for doing this step of even just listening to a podcast because that means that you care and that is incredible. So keep that caring attitude. You've got this. We are cheering you on. I, well, you [00:37:00] just said it all perfectly.
Okay, Carrie. Thanks again. And thanks so much for joining me this week on the podcast and until next week, peace be with you always.
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