[00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 224 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello there, beautiful mamas. I'm so glad you're joining me today because we're going to talk about a really important topic. It's what a lot of moms want. They want a work life balance. And let me tell you, this is not just for moms who work outside the home. If you work inside the home. As well, it is [00:01:00] encompassing pretty much all of us moms.
We all want balance, but I'm going to use examples and references from those who are living, who are working outside of the home with an outside job, because I want to speak in particular to those today knowing that any mom who's listening can substitute whether whatever their vocation is they're volunteering with the same kind of examples that I give with those that may go to an office or just run their own business, even if it's from home.
So today we're going to be talking about a five step formula to work life balance. And this is a whole new approach. It is, I've, I've spoken about this I think once before, I can go back and look at, One of the earlier episodes, but I know a lot of times you all don't go back to those and I felt like it was time to revisit it and in addition, this is kind of piggybacking off of a speaking [00:02:00] engagement that I did recently, that this is the, the company had most on mind for their employees to have help with.
Which was work life balance and more so focused on taking ownership for their role in it and this is going to be a very similar to the presentation that I gave to them on this five step formula and I was like, you know what? My listeners need to hear about this too. So I've decided to just talk about it here and then also stay to the end because I'm going to tell you how you can get your hands on the companion guide that I actually created to go with this presentation.
And lastly, before we start in on the, the five step formula, I wanted to just let you all know, because you might not that unlike the speaking engagement that I did last week that was virtual. I, if in case you didn't know, and you are a member of a church or an organization or a company [00:03:00] that has, who brings in speakers for your employees or for your parish or congregation or mom's group, just know that I am available for coming in person or virtually. It works both ways. And I would love to be able to share the content that you all hear on this podcast. And maybe even a particular subject that you want me to come speak on.
That's how this one worked. This was a actually a software tech company who every quarter likes to offer these kind of extra kind of perks to their employees. And they particularly wanted this work life balance subject. So, all right, so let's get started. I want you to hear some of the questions that the employees wanted to have answers to ahead of time and see if you relate to this in any form or fashion.
The first one was how to cope with a sense of feeling overwhelmed. Then there was how to practice being [00:04:00] present when you're trying to maintain work life balance. How about those parents? Like, how do you maintain that sense of self individuality when you are juggling work and home life? How to manage a day with an endless number of things to do?
How to deal with time zone differences in work, especially if you are, like, on the East Coast and your work meetings go till 5 o'clock on the West Coast? Are we grappling with mom guilt? Are you being pulled in a lot of directions and feeling like you're not doing a great job at work life and at home life?
What about this upcoming summer break with kids while you're working from home? Do you feel stress and anxiety and know that you're going to be out of balance when that time comes? Do you work remotely? Where your life and work blend together and you often feel like, often feel like you're either Underworking or overworking depending on what's going on in your life.
How about burnout on a [00:05:00] like on call Culture where you're supposed to be available 24 7. How to feel empowered to stay offline Like when your actual shift is over, do we check emails late at night? These were, these were some of the things that these particular employees were struggling with. And I want to know, do, do any of those relate to you?
Well, if so, I want to offer you the five step formula that is going to help you take charge of your work life balance, the way that What I want you to visualize right now, the way that we often had, we, I'm calling this the old approach, have often looked at work life balance. And because I don't have my you know, my presentation up in front of you, you're just going to have to visualize.
But let's think about the, the scales that. Oftentimes are the weight balance [00:06:00] scales that often depict when we think about being in balance and out of balance, right? So you have the point in the middle and then you have the two trays to the outside and you can think about. This tray being filled with boxes that are all having to do with what's required of you at work.
And then the other part of the scale, the other plate is full of everything that you have and are responsible for in your tasks and, and what you need to take care of at home. And then we often judge. Depending on how many things are in each side or how many things we're paying attention to or adding to our schedule that that will then cause you to be over like out of balance, right?
And one is going up. The other one's going way down. So it's kind of it's skewed. It's on a diagonal. If you can picture this. Well, I want to redefine those scales for you. [00:07:00] Instead of concentrating as I just took your mind there to both of those plates and one being work and one being life. I want you to see that, that the, where you want to focus is not on those plates of the scale, not on each side.
What you want to focus on is the middle part that's holding up the two plates. And I want you to see that middle part as you. So for my presentation, what I actually did is I drew like a stick figure. Sorry, you all are missing out on that beautiful artwork, but there was a stick figure where the arms were going up and that was actually holding the long board or what you would see as the, the two plates on either side and it was holding it up equally.
Okay. And so that middle part, redefining what you think of as work life balance or the scales of work life balance. I want you to have the new [00:08:00] visual and the new visual I want you to see is that it all, whether you are in balance or not, never depends on what's outside of you. It never depends on what boxes you have on the plate.
If it's heavier at home, if it's heavier on the work side, how many things are on the home plate, how many things are on the work plate. It always depends whether you're in balance or not with you, the middle, whether you're creating that balance, that feeling of balance. On your own. So that's where I wanted to start.
But here, that's not really what we've all been taught. So let me just touch a little bit on that old approach before we step into the five steps. This is what the old approach entails. When we think of work life balance, The old approach has us externally blaming things. So we attribute our feelings of imbalance like solely to our demanding work schedules, our uncooperative colleagues, [00:09:00] our family obligations, without acknowledging the role of our own personal choices, our perceptions and reactions in shaping our own experience of balance.
So this is the old approach where we're looking. at outside sources and blaming them. The old approach also includes us being like rigidly trying to separate strictly compartmentally, like taking our work and personal life and putting them each into separate boxes where there's no flexibility or integration between the two.
Like we've got these two separate lives we're leading. We have our work life and our home life. In the old approach, you're constantly sacrificing. You've got to regularly sacrifice your personal time, your health, your relationships in favor of work commitments or vice versa. And so the next one that's part of that old approach is perpetually discontent.
Is that you? Do you just like have ongoing dissatisfaction with how [00:10:00] much time and energy that you're spending regardless of the changes that you're trying to make? How about chronic stress and burnout? Is this you? Do you live in this state of chronic stress and burnout? Are you exhausted? Do you attempt to, like, put on unrealistic expectations for yourself on both work and home, and you don't take the time to recharge?
Okay, that's the old approach, everyone. Neglecting self care. You guys probably knew that I was going to say this, that this is somewhere in part of the formula, right? Because it's so important. Neglecting self care and your personal growth, ignoring the need for self care, Leisure activities it will diminish your well being and your fulfillment of your life and The old approach leaves us feeling powerless This is the one I really want you to see feeling powerless is when we think that our work life balance is [00:11:00] Dependent on what work tells us and what we're doing what work obligations there are or all the things that we have to do or are left undone at home.
That leaves us feeling powerless. We've got this like lack of control over our lives. We're perceiving ourselves as like a victim of these circumstances rather than being an active participant in creating balance. But there is a new and effective approach, and I believe that the five step formula to work life balance that I'm going to present to you today is that new and effective approach.
Because this is the new definition of balance that I want you to accept. And practice as your new truth of what it is because the old one that I just explained is not working anymore. The new one is for you to see that achieving balance in your life. This is, [00:12:00] you know, whether it's again, working outside the home, not working outside the home, maybe it's that you are taking care of kids and you're taking care of family and you have like these volunteer groups that you're really.
You know, passionate about. We all have our different things that we're quote balancing. So the new definition is for you to see balance is a sense of equilibrium between your personal and professional life. So let me underscore that balance is a sense. And then I want to say, AKA balance. Feeling of equilibrium between your personal and professional life that is created.
This is not going to be any news for you all if you're a long time listener that is created from what's going on within your internal world. Not outside. The external one. Okay. So balance is a feeling. It's that you [00:13:00] can create, right? You can create that no matter what's going on outside of you and this new and effective approach.
This is what it requires. It requires self responsibility. It requires harmonious prioritization. It is empowerment and using your agency. It is cultivating contentment and acceptance with what you have going on in your life. The new approach focuses on mental and emotional wellbeing. It is. The new approach requires self care and growth to be a part of your routine, and it's definitely a personalized approach, right?
Because my idea of work life balance is different than what yours is, and even your colleague or your neighbor, and we want to keep our eyes off of what the what [00:14:00] others do to create this feeling of balance and for you to look at your own life and your own circumstances and come up with your own definition of work life balance.
You may have be a person who says that in order to stay balanced, you absolutely cannot take any work calls After 5 p. m. or when the kids are home or in your evening family time. And there are some people who their work life balance totally would include. They're like happy to take some calls or do some work in the evening because they do something else with their time in the morning.
So just know that it's a personalized approach. Okay, now with all of that being said, Now, I want to invite you into the five step formula to work life balance. And I feel so deeply in coaching moms, both working inside the home and outside of the home, that if you [00:15:00] follow these five steps. You will be creating work life balance for yourself.
And this isn't a destination to arrive to. This is a formula that you'll just embody. And, and those that do, that if you talk to them, and you would be, and they would say to you, Oh yes, I can balance my work and home life, and I do it well, and I feel really good about it. I guarantee that they are doing these five steps.
Okay, let's start. Step one. First, I'm just going to go through all the steps, and then we're going to just take a A little, like, focus in on each of them. Okay, the first one is to embrace the truths of work life balance. And I will go over what those truths are. The second step is to take full ownership of your work life balance results.
The third step is to build the skill set of a strong [00:16:00] and quick decision maker. Step four is to set true boundaries. and follow through on them. The fifth step is to continually prioritize your own mental and emotional well being. And if you do these five steps, you will achieve work life balance. So step one, embrace the truths of work life balance.
So what are these truths, Danielle, is what you're saying. Okay, there's four of them. So here's the first truth. The truth, number one, is that balance is not a static destination to arrive to. It's not a place. Like work life balance is not a place. This truth, for you to actually achieve it, you have to open up and be willing to accept this truth.
Truth number two is that balance is a sense. Balance is [00:17:00] a feeling that we create internally from our own mind at any given time. So if this is something that you don't accept and live and embody, you won't ever be able to achieve it. So to be successful with this formula, are you? Open and on board to realizing that balance is created internally and it's not external, you know, it's not determined by external factors about how many things you have going on.
Okay. Truth number three is feeling balance is what you want. Okay. Because, and I've, I've repeated this on the podcast before. The only thing we ever truly want when we achieve something is the feeling we will have when we get it, or experience it, or have it, or arrive, you know, to the goal. We're all just chasing a feeling.[00:18:00]
And the great news is that feelings come from our thoughts, not things. So this, again, this truth reiterates, you want, when you want work life balance, what you're saying is that you want to feel it. Feel imbalance. Feel balance. And that comes from your thoughts. So when you embrace that truth, you are like, you've done a lot of the hard work to get to that work life balance when you embrace that truth.
And truth number four is that sometimes you will choose on purpose to be out of balance. Okay, now isn't that a new approach? Right? Like, you, you literally, the key is to just be conscious of yourself when you're in or out because you've been choosing it. And there will be times in our lives, like everybody, if we're working a job and we get a phone call that something has happened to our child, and like, we [00:19:00] will right then, like, choose to spend maybe their, maybe your child needs recovery time or something like that.
Or maybe they need to be driven to new appointments or things like that. Like you will then consciously choose like, okay, I'm going to have to be more. I'm focused on my personal life and a little less focused on my professional life at this time and stage of where I am and I'm choosing to. So that truth is, is to help you feel better about work life balance, that it's not something that you're after attaining like 24 7, 365.
Okay, so that's step one of the five step formula to work life balance is for you to embrace those four truths. If you're someone who you, when I read those truth, it kind of, you kind of felt a little resistance to them. Okay, that's interesting. And that's good for you to know. [00:20:00] Because until you embrace these truths, You will be keeping yourself from work life balance.
So which ones did give you little resistance because you want to be able to kind of break that down and open yourself up to, and of course, if you need help with that, that's exactly what I, I do with with my clients. Okay. Step two of the five step formula is to take full ownership of your work life balance results.
Okay. So what I mean by this. Is that if you are feeling overwhelmed and guilty, or if you've chosen to let the house go. Or for, you know, had yelled at the kids getting them all trying to get ready for school and out the door. Or if you're late. Or if your boss gave you an assignment and you put the [00:21:00] kids down and then you took your time at night to do the work when you were going to use that time to go work out.
This is where I want you to. Not do that old approach of externally blaming, but I want you to take full ownership that you Are choosing to spend your time in these ways that nobody's forcing you to that the results you have are because of the actions you've taken and so without this ownership of yeah, if I'm out of balance, it's because of me and if I'm in balance, it's because of me and this is a good thing.
This is a good thing to take ownership. To to not deflect or again external blame on if only my boss hadn't asked me to bring him that [00:22:00] deadline by a certain date, then I wouldn't have had to be so stressed. And then I wouldn't have yelled at the kids, right? But we want to take full ownership because.
Not just with this subject, with all the subjects I open and welcome you to, taking ownership is saying, I have control to change this if I want to, instead of waiting for something outside of us to line up, or a person to change. And, because then you'll be waiting for, for a long time maybe, and I want you to feel in balance.
I want you to feel in control and really calm and confident about your life and, and all that you're choosing for your time and energy. I don't want you to wait for somebody else to change before you feel better. So I invite you to take full ownership. And what if [00:23:00] all of your results were because? Of what you did and then that's such great news because then you can change it if you want to now this particular step I taught in my presentation, the self coaching model.
That I've talked about here on the podcast. It's the number one awareness tool I use to help my clients and this is a perfect place to take full ownership is to use this tool. And again, if the tool is something that you want to know more about. I'm happy to share that with you. That is something that I definitely teach you and becomes like some definitely part of your natural life and routine is to use this tool.
But basically what it does, it, it helps show you what is actually happening when you have [00:24:00] circumstances in your life. So whatever the work or life circumstances are, and then it, it breaks out into categories to show you that some of the things are your thoughts about them. Which directly create how you feel and those feelings and derive your actions and your actions create your results.
So if you're trying to take full ownership of your results, you can use this tool to be able to get some clarity about what's really going on. And then it'll reveal to you where in particular in those categories, if you shift or tweak or pivot, that will then help you get back on the right path to. work life balance.
Okay, everyone, the third step of the five step formula to work life balance is to build the skill set of a strong and quick decision maker. You want to, if you're out of balance and you want to get back to in balance, you're going to have to make some decisions. [00:25:00] Decisions They then propel us to action.
So, when we're not making decisions about our lives, where we are is we're in confusion. When we're like, I don't know what to do next. I don't know what I should do about. I don't know how to help myself. I don't know what's, you know, why this is happening. That causes us to feel confused, and it's instead, I want you to learn how to make strong and quick decisions and let that be a skill set that you're building.
In fact, I know that those people you will talk to who say that they have beautiful work life balance, for sure I can tell you they are strong and quick decision makers. Just because decisions help you get into actions and actions create results. So if you just don't like lament in between, what should I do?
What's the best decision? I wonder what the perfect way would help me. If [00:26:00] you instead just take a deep breath. Go inside yourself, ask yourself what you think the next best step is, or take a guess on what you think is the right decision. That will then get you into action, and you will no longer be stuck, because action bring results.
And then, what those that have a really strong skill set of, of making decisions, they have lots of results, and not all of them turn out to be the right action. But then, they They, they learn, they learn what doesn't work, which then helps them, you know, rearrange, try something new, experiment a little bit.
And then there's that much closer to finding out what it takes to feel balanced, to get to their, their own like benchmark of work life balance. So step three, those that build the skillset of strong and [00:27:00] quick decision making, they are the ones that are either winning. at Work Life Balance, or they are learning what doesn't get them, and then they're making adjustments, so they will get there faster.
Those that don't, and lament, and don't decide, they're in confusion, and they're stuck. Okay, step four of the five step formula to Work Life Balance is to learn to set goals. true boundaries and follow through on them. Now I'm just giving you on the podcast, like an overview of this, but this is something we deep dive in my one on one coaching practice or my group life coaching program to busy to balance.
So if you struggle with setting and upholding boundaries, you need to get inside. So. Notice that I want to underscore the word true boundaries and follow through on them. And what I mean by this is that most of us, this was me too before I came [00:28:00] to this revolutionary work, is that rules is what I was thinking a boundary was.
But rules are not boundaries. Rules are one sided. And they are there to guide, right? And so are boundaries. Everybody uses that word interchangeably, rules and boundaries. And they have this idea, right? So if you say that bedtime in our house is 9 PM, that is not a boundary. If you were thinking that was a boundary.
That's actually one of the rules you have in your family. But a true boundary must have both of these things. It must have a request. So the request is, can you go, or my request is for you to go to bed by nine o'clock. And then the second [00:29:00] half that makes something a boundary is the consequence. The consequence is what will happen.
Or what you will do, that's the key, if the request you made is not upheld. It is not that, it's not, a boundary is not there to tell our kids what will be the consequence to them. If they don't go to bed by nine o'clock, you set boundaries. We each want to set boundaries, having a request and a consequence, but knowing that consequence has everything to do with ourselves, what we will do if the request isn't met.
And if you yourself come up with that consequence and you follow through with it. Right, that is what makes it a true boundary. If you [00:30:00] call something a boundary, and then you make the request, and you decided what the consequence would be for yourself if you don't follow through, but then you don't follow through on it, then you yourself have actually broken the boundary.
I, I don't mean to just like throw that to you and not go into a deep dive and not like, you know, give you explanations and things. This isn't what I'm concentrating on on this exact podcast. It is about the five step formula for work life balance, not like a deep dive into true boundary setting. So if that is something, That you think that you're struggling with, like you don't know how to set true boundaries or if you, if you're thinking, maybe I'm just putting up a whole bunch of rules that maybe the kids aren't follow throughing, following through on in your mind.
So there is a different approach. And I'm, and I would love, maybe I need to do a whole separate [00:31:00] podcast on it which is a great idea. But just know if that's something you struggle with or you're not clear on, then definitely reach out. Let's talk about it and I'll be happy to talk more and give you some more examples that way personally.
But I just want you to in general know that step five of the formula is to learn to set true boundaries. And to follow through on them. Okay. Step five is to prioritize your own mental and emotional well being. I know you all saw that one coming. This goes along the, what I, what I want for you behind this step goes along with a podcast episode a few numbers back that was entitled.
You are not a robot. And I want to emphasize that again here that you are not a robot with infinite time and energy. You are a human being and I want you to act like a human. [00:32:00] And what that means is that you need rest and we want hard work, right? We want both. But if you are not making it a priority for you to have a higher thinking, positive mindset, free of thought errors.
What I teach here on the podcast and in my coaching program Which is the how to use your brain in a way that raises your mental well being And if you are not for the most part feeling higher vibrational emotions most of the time in your life If it's mostly negative, then you are going to want to shift this.
You are going to want to increase your mental and emotional wellbeing. I give the leaky bucket [00:33:00] syndrome kind of example here, where if you're the bucket, like if you have cracks and holes in your bucket, because you're constantly going, going, going, doing, not taking care of yourself, focusing on other people, then you have all these leaks.
And so. All the work you try to do to get work life balance is you think that you're filling up your bucket, but you're not because the, it's going through the cracks, all of your energy. So if you prioritize your mental and emotional well, well being, then, then you actually patch up those leaks in the bucket.
And then all that you're doing to have work life balance is filling up your bucket. And then that overflows. Okay. Mamas, you cannot give what you don't have. So, and if everything that you're wanting to have, or you're, or you're seeing and wishing that your children have, you need to exemplify it first.
Focus on yourself first. And I will tell you, the quickest [00:34:00] path to your work life balance goals Is to practice extreme self care. I have a podcast episode called, Exquisite Self Care. Go back and listen to that one. Because the truth is, is when we feel better, we do better. And you can't have the clarity to actually problem solve if you're out of the game. If you are just exhausted and worn out and burnt out. So step five is to prioritize your own mental and emotional well being.
Okay. So I know I kind of went through that fast, but that is The five step formula to work life balance. And I love coaching on this. I love helping moms. And I hope that what I offered here today has you thinking, has you maybe honing in on which step you're not doing really great at and, and want to put some more time and attention.[00:35:00]
I hope I underscored the importance of Of embracing those truth to seeing balance as a feeling that your acceptance and ownership and taking responsibility for the results you've created is key. I wouldn't, I want all my mamas to become stronger, quick decision makers because so many people are challenged and struggle just feeling that they're always stuck.
And this is the way to stay out of confusion. Again, setting true boundaries. And, and learning what is keeping you from following through on them. And how to actually become the person who always follows through on them. And then, yes, continually prioritize your own mental and emotional well being. Now at the beginning of this podcast, I mentioned to stay tuned to the end, because when I did this presentation, which was you know, through.
[00:36:00] It was originally on Zoom, but I also made a presentation, what do you call them, slides. And I made a companion guide that doesn't like deep dive into these five steps, but it's definitely helpful. It even has a work life balance tracker in there. I offer you a whole separate sheet on each of the thoughts, feelings, and actions that I know are helpful for moms to create the result of having work life balance.
These are, this is the formula. So you can find ones on these sheets that really are ones you're currently struggling with and then ones you want to learn how to embody. But anyways, I, before I recorded today, I was like, Oh, how can I, how can I get this companion guide for those that want it in their hands?
And I was gonna be able to get it where you, you know, just submit your, you [00:37:00] know, it would take some tech stuff to set some things up to have something more automatic. So really I just decided, I asked my brain, what is the easiest way I think would work to be able to get this companion guide for those who want a brand new approach to creating work life balance and want kind of like a definitive little workbook guide to help.
And I'm literally going to say, just email me. If you listen to this podcast and this subject and what I've said today really piques your interest and you want this let's see, how many pages is this 15, something like that page. companion guide that goes along with my presentation.
And then again, what I've offered here today, then if you want to email me
at [email protected] it'll be included in the show notes, the spelling of my name, but just email me and say just anything like work life balance companion guide, please, or listen to your podcast. I would love a copy of some version of that. Then I'd be happy to send you one. [00:38:00]
All right, everybody. Especially as we're going into the summertime, if you're listening to this podcast when it, when it is released, know that you can take everything that I've offered you today and apply that.
Don't let the circumstance of the summer or the circumstance of you working more remotely or the kids being home more of the time to be the reason why you don't have work life balance, because that's never the cause. Remember it's the internal shifts that you're after. And the five step formula is a great reminder of that.
And as always, if you want my personal help on creating your work life balance with the circumstances that you are dealing with right now and the stage of motherhood you're in, then I would love to help you inside my one on one coaching practice or my group life coaching program, Busy to Balanced. All right, [00:39:00] everyone, I hope this was helpful.
And I look forward to speaking with you again next week. Until then, peace be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools To create peace of mind in your busy mom life.
And if you're of the Catholic faith, like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances, whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like minded women.
Or a self study course. I've got you covered explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to [00:40:00] Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course, Divine Time to find out which path is right for you. Let's meet and see what's the best fit.
Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram. And also, don't forget to get your copy of my book, The Cyclone Mom Method, How to Call on Your God-Given Power to Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.
