[00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 223 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, This is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast. I'm your host, Danielle, and this is episode 223, and I've titled it, How to Go from Being a Negative Thinker to a Positive Thinker. So today we're going to dive into a powerful life [00:01:00] coaching tool that can help you, can help anyone, but especially you busy moms, make this shift.
And the tool is, it goes by two names. We can either look at it as a bridge thought, okay, so we're trying to go from one place of being a negative thinker, and we're going to cross a bridge to become a positive thinker. Or, if this helps you visually, we're, we can call them ladder thoughts. So you might feel like you are like on the bottom rung of a ladder.
And you want to climb and get to the top, whatever that top is for you. And so then we would look at having to get up. each rung to arrive there. So are you ready to climb up to a more positive outlook in your life? I hope so. So let's get started. Why I'm bringing you this topic and why I think that that is what will bring you more peace of [00:02:00] mind in your life, which is what we're all after moms.
And the people who seek me out or feel like that they may want the support and guidance and help of a coach and someone to be beside them learning new strategies at life is because they are dealing with an issue or a challenge or they're finding that you're not you know, you're in a, things are going on in your life that you wish were different, or you're just not being able to get some traction on your goals.
And sometimes, we then come and coach and then we realize the impact of our minds and our brains and what goes on in them. And we realize that, oh, wow, you know, the actual cause of why I might have all these results that I don't want right now really is connected to the thoughts I am [00:03:00] thinking in my mind.
And, and yes, when we are someone who. is mostly focusing on the negative, which let me tell you, our brains are kind of wired that way. So if that is you, I don't want you to think that there's something wrong with you or broken. That is how our brain initially functions. But if you have practiced that over a long time, if it, if you, have developed this internal mental kind of habit of leaning towards the negative, then this episode is for you.
But I want to say you're not alone. And I want you to say that that is what coaching does. It helps you retrain your brain. So you can, this is such good news. You can move from being a negative thinker to a positive thinker. And it is a process and today the strategy that I want you to [00:04:00] maybe have some, you know, new knowledge about, new perspective about is that this is one tool that can really help you to open up to being able to become more of a positive thinker.
And this is what my clients do. Once they've come to me, they've realized the importance of these everyday thoughts that we carry around. And it's important whether they are negative or positive, because that does have such an impact on the outcome and results that you have in your life. And so, And then what happens sometimes is they get frustrated or you just don't know how to become more of a positive thinker, or you then have so much more awareness of your thoughts and you're seeing them as, Oh my goodness, I really do default to the negative a lot.
And then they're like, I want to hurry up and, and change this. And the biggest question or the biggest ask I get is, can you help me find more positive [00:05:00] thoughts? But here is what the problem is with that. The problem is, is that we can't just take a negative situation that we have that our belief system has created over time and And we're just so, you know, practiced from it, and we can't just then go to the extreme and try and, like, slap on a positive thought, especially if our deep self conscious, subconscious still believes that That that negative one is your truth, so we can't just go from this is the worst day of my life.
If that's like one of the thoughts that you have that's negative. Like, let's say some bad things happen, you're like, this is horrible, this is a bad thing, and then you know this work, and you know that if you keep thinking that if you keep looking at the horrible, you're more apt to create more horrible things to to come into your life or your, your brain is definitely going to hone in [00:06:00] and be aware of other things in your life that are horrible, but we can't just all of a sudden switch and go, Oh, this is the best day of my life.
This is the greatest day of my life. Like it. That is not what it is. Coaching and you learning to be able to use your brain to help you and be more serving in your life. That's not what I'm asking you to do. When you think of someone who says like, just, you've got to be more positive or positive thinking is the way.
And Let me just put that caveat, I fully believe that a goal for all of us should be to become a more positive thinker. To, to have our default be more on the bright side, the cup half full, because I know the impact of our thoughts, but I also know that that isn't always feasible.
And the way is to what I'm gonna offer you today [00:07:00] to, if you find yourself being aware of your negative thinking to be able to apply this bridge and ladder thought idea To be able to help you work your way back as soon as possible Right to having more of that positive outlook. So let's just talk about what exactly bridge thoughts are okay, I want you to imagine your mind as a landscape and your thoughts are the pathways to get you across that lens, a landscape.
So if you're standing like on the side of negativity, it really can seem impossible at the time to leap straight across to the other side of the landscape, which is positivity. And that is where this visual in your mind of bridge thoughts come in. It can [00:08:00] be like a stepping stone path for you, or I like to visualize it as like planks , boards, planks, and, you know, boards of wood that make up that type of bridge.
And I see it as like, you know, it's curved up and over and then also there's that ladder visual. And sometimes that works better for me. So maybe I'm thinking that there's this like goal or this thing that's kind of high and out of my reach at the time. I am better served by this ladder visual because I'll, because I'll ask myself, well, where am I on this really tall ladder where the top of the edge is where I want to be?
Like where I kind of gauge, where do I feel like I am on that? Am I just at the beginning? Have I not even stepped on the ladder yet? Have I not even taken any action? Do I believe a little bit that it's possible that I'll get to the top of this ladder? And so maybe I'm in the middle of the rung. Maybe I've already put in some work [00:09:00] and I'm just not there yet.
So that could be your visual. But the whole point is for you to hone in on this idea of it being gradual, right? The rungs of a ladder help you cross over or get up and then in the bridge, each plank or each stepping stone helps you gradually get over to that side of positivity.
But here's the key, it's like, but more believable in that positivity. Okay? Okay. So. If you just kind of take that leap, let's say you don't cross the bridge and you just want to jump like I gave the example of that, you know, having a horrible day or having a great day, like if you just try and and say like, No, everything's fine.
This is okay. And you get into like, it's a good day. It's actually a good day. And you're kind of like, trying to talk your brain into that. [00:10:00] Then I just, you wanna say you will not stay there very long. I mean, it will just be very flashing because our brain takes us back to what we actually believe.
So that's why I wanted to offer. that we don't want to just go into this fake positive place. I'm hoping that you'll see that you can move gradually into that place. That is how you can best serve yourself. So the moving over gradually, they're more believable and manageable thoughts that will then ease your transition from the negative to positive thinking.
So that's the whole basis of these bridge and ladder thoughts. So let's talk about the feelings scale now. And the reason why I'm bringing this in is because directly, if you've listened to any of my podcasts for any amount of time, [00:11:00] you will, you will know that one of the big kind of golden life changers is to realize that it's your thoughts that create how you feel. Okay. It's not the circumstances outside of us. So if we are thinking negatively, then we're directly, that impacts that you will be feeling negative because negative thoughts create negative feelings. So if you want to become a positive thinker, when you become a more positive thinker, or find something that's more believable, you are going to feel better.
And again, the point is not to go from I'm feeling terrible to I'm feeling awesome. , I'm really underscoring the idea of gradual. So notice how that will be in our feelings as well, because of the direct correlation with our thoughts to our feelings. So now I'm going to talk a little bit about that feeling scale, because this is important, because if you gradually are feeling better, If you're feeling like moving [00:12:00] up the rung of the ladder in, in feeling better, so maybe you're going from I'm irate to I'm mad to I'm annoyed to I'm frustrated, do you see how that is moving even though you started out as irate, you've now been able to move to just frustrated, which is better.
That is you going across the bridge to become more positive. And if you are feeling irate, that negative feeling is you not even stepping on the bridge yet. But if you have felt, if you now have felt just frustrated or maybe just peeved, then , that already tells me that you have moved to a more positive way of thinking because of going from that on that emotional scale.
So that scale, it ranges, right? From negative emotions like despair and anger, like I just [00:13:00] mentioned, up to positive feelings like joy and enthusiasm. And bridge thoughts help you move up this scale step by step. And so, instead of jumping on the I'm a failure to I'm a success kind of outlook a bridge thought might be something like I'm learning to succeed or I'm not there yet, but I'm making progress.
Do you see how when you think I'm a failure that creates the feeling of what in your body? Despair? Overwhelm? I'm a failure. And then how do you think when you think I'm a success, right? That's proud or happy. But we can't, if we are really looking at a circumstance in our life that our brain really believes is a failure, you can't just slap on that thought of I'm a success.
I'm a success. Everything's [00:14:00] great. Everything's okay. But you could. just take a step onto the bridge and find something that helps you that you could believe a little bit more. So if we take that I'm a failure to I'm a success example. Let's say something happened and you then think that thought I'm a failure.
So that's negative thinking. And you want to use this strategy of bridge thoughts or ladder thoughts. And so just by adding I'm learning to succeed. You can take going from despair, but I'm learning to succeed. If that's something that you can believe and feels a little bit better when you think it, because you're looking around and saying, yeah, when I fail, I actually get some information of what didn't work.
And so I just learned something with [00:15:00] this quote, failure of mine. So it gave me some information I'm learning. So then if you can. Start to focus your brain and believe instead like, well, that was a failure, but it's really teaching me something and I'm learning to succeed. Then how do you feel? You're still not gonna feel amazing.
You still might be like bummed and disappointed by your failure, but that I'm learning to succeed from this failure that I had is gonna just give you a Like, it's definitely more helpful and serving than this despair, because how you will then act and what you will do for the rest of the day from despair is really different from what you might feel by thinking I'm learning to succeed from this failure, which is something like I don't know, openness, maybe willingness.
And maybe you would be curious, like, oh, that failure didn't work, but I wonder if I would try this or what else could I learn about this that might give you [00:16:00] curiosity, which is definitely going to then help propel you into taking a lot better action and create a result that you want more than the, the actions you would take from despair, right?
And like, I love that thought. Like I'm not there yet, but I'm making progress, right? That, that the whole seat, feel the shift in your feelings when you think just a slightly better feeling thought that you can believe. And so you do want to recognize. Or use the bridge and the ladder visual to say, okay, this is where I'm now.
And this feels awful when I think this particular thought, and then this is where I want to be. This is where I want to feel that's on the other side of the bridge or it's at the top of the ladder. But since I know that you can't, I don't really believe those really positive thoughts right now. I can just help myself become a little bit more nudged towards a [00:17:00] positive thinker.
Then you want to ask yourself, what else could I think and believe that feels better to me right now? Okay. So let's consider a common scenario that many busy moms face. Okay. How about managing that never ending to do list? When you're trying to manage it, you might catch yourself thinking, I can't manage all of this.
It's just too much. That's a very heavy thought to carry. It leads to that feeling of overwhelm when you think it. So instead, I want to offer, if you're in this scenario, let's build a bridge here. Let's give an example of using this tool. So a middle ground thought that could be useful is to, to add this, this phrase to the front.
You might say like, okay, It's okay that I feel overwhelmed right now. I'm human. Sometimes [00:18:00] humans find themselves taking on too much or maybe setting like high expectations. It's okay like to find myself overwhelmed by my to do list sometimes. Notice how adding that little phrase like Instead of like, I feel so overwhelmed right now, you can literally just say something like, It's okay to feel overwhelmed right now, because humans feel overwhelmed sometimes.
Notice it's so slight. It's so, it's such a slight shift, but it's everything to be able to become someone who moves from being teaching our brain about negative thinking all the time and letting that be something that you're growing in instead of learning to be a more positive thinker.
Again, you're learning to manage one thing at a time. Right. And it's okay is a beautiful way to add. [00:19:00] It's a beautiful little phrase, a little participle or whatever that grammar term is to add to those thoughts and phrases you have that will just lighten it up a little bit. Here's another example.
Suppose you're struggling with feeling like you're not good enough, like not a good enough mom. Let's say you missed a school event. And the negative thought could be, I'm a bad mom, like, why don't I need to get myself together? Like, good moms don't ever miss, like I should have been able to, you know, X, Y, Z, all the things you'll tell yourself that you should have done.
And a helpful bridge thought might be, I'm learning to balance my time better, and it's okay to not make it to everything. Or it's possible that this, missing this event. It has nothing to do with being a good or bad mom. So notice how adding that, it's possible that, it's [00:20:00] okay. Again, I'm learning to balance things.
So those, those thoughts can help you move up the ladder or cross the bridge. What about those days when everything seems to go wrong? Have you had any of these lately? Perhaps you're thinking, nothing ever works out for me. An abridged your ladder thought could be. It's possible that I can find one thing that did go right today.
Now this brings in another coaching tool that I use a lot in my program, and that is called celebrating wins. Because what I have found over my years of coaching moms is that brain, mom brain leaves out. All the amazing, awesome things you are doing and are taking care of, and it only focuses on a couple of the things that we don't like and aren't going well, right?
And [00:21:00] so I love this, that when you go to this, like, again, all or nothing, right? I'm either like this amazing mom and I'm hitting it out of the park or nothing ever works out for me. And in this case, you want to be like, okay. Nothing ever works out for me. That feels heavy. That feels like, I don't know, I just feel totally, again, defeated when I think it, and I, I kind of get a little bit like, feels like there's an injustice, right?
Nothing ever works out for me. But if you are believing that thought to be true for you, If that is what your brain is defaulting every time something goes wrong or you're challenged with, then just know how, how you feel that defeatedness is going to then be carrying out the rest of your day, maybe the rest of your week.
The other harmful thing is that you're then going to even believe it is true for [00:22:00] you, even more that nothing ever works out for you. And that is, it's so vital because negative thinking is the cause of your negative results in your life. So you're going to continue to build evidence and to create results of things not working out for you.
But if you can recognize when that thought comes and go to this tool of finding a bridge or ladder thought and say, it's possible that I can find one thing that I did that did go right today. And then you can hone in on what, like, did you feed your kids? Did you bathe them? Did you sign them up for you know, An athletic program or event, right?
Did you hug and kiss them? Did you rub their back? Did you dry their tears? Right? What did you go to the grocery store? Did you make, buy some healthy food for them? Did you like, what, what can you go find in your mind when you say it's possible that I can find one thing that did go right today? And when you do that, [00:23:00] we're only looking to shift and go over one rung of the bridge.
One plank of the bridge, one rung of the ladder. Now if you can find something that has you taking a few plank steps at a time, I'm all for that. Or if you can find a thought that you believe that really changes your feeling scale a lot, like go for it. I'm just offering this today to just find if you're someone who just finds yourself stuck in these negative emotions, in this negative thinker, thinking patterns, and You didn't know how, because obviously what you probably tried to do is just try to just go to the positive thought, the opposite thought of what you're thinking, but I just want to show you that that doesn't always work.
And so this is a way to help you have a new tool in your toolbox to pull out if you need it. If you find that, that you want to learn how to gradually shift into becoming a positive [00:24:00] thinker. So, to put things into practice, try using phrases like, and it's okay, or it's possible that, or I'm learning to.
And one of my favorites is to take the word yet and add that onto what you're seeing is like, it's not happening. You know, like, so for example, I'm not, like, let's say you're, I'm feeling anxious, okay? Let's say that you recognize that that is your negative thought, right? Something is going on and you're like saying, like, this brings me so anxiety, so, so much anxiety.
And so you recognize this and you're like, okay, well, this is negative thinking about whatever circumstance. Is happening, right? Because it's not the circumstance that's making you anxious. It's the thoughts. You're at the meaning and the thinking that you are having about the circumstance. So when you recognize it, and then you want to apply and put into practice what I'm teaching [00:25:00] you here, then that would look something like I I am not less anxious yet.
Do you see that? So I'm anxious could be your current thought, but adding that little thing of yet, like I'm not less anxious or I'm not more peaceful yet, adding that little yet can just help you bridge to a more positive feeling, which is going to be so, so helpful for you.
I'm trying to soften your judgments, that you, that your brain will offer you. And I'm trying to open the door to incremental improvements in how you feel. And each step doesn't need to be big. It just needs to help you feel a little better than the thought before. And as you use these thoughts, you will find yourself naturally becoming [00:26:00] more positive, not because you're forcing positivity, but because you're building a realistic bridge to it.
And each rung on the ladder that you move up is a victory. And each step of your stepping stone over your bridge is a step forward in progress. To all you busy moms listening, remember, take it one thought, one step at a time. You don't need to leap across in one go. Build your bridge, decide on something today as you're listening this.
What is it that you have negative feelings about? What is it that you want to feel more positive about? Is it about your time and how you're spending it. Is it about the amount of money that you have? Is it about the current job that you're in? Is it something about your child that you've been honing on and you're thinking negative about that you want to be able to become a more positive thinker about?
Choose, then build your [00:27:00] bridge. Climb your ladder, and before you know it, you will find yourself on the other side and looking back at how far you've come. All right, everyone, thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. If you found these strategies helpful, please share this episode with someone who could also benefit from climbing their own ladder of thoughts.
And until next time, keep stepping forward, keep cultivating a peaceful mind, keep coming back here for more. And until next week, I wish you peace always.
Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review.
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