Danielle Thienel: [00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 219 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started. Welcome back to the peaceful mind, everybody. I hope you find this a place where as a busy mom, you can find some inspiration, some wisdom, and some peace of mind. I'm your host, Danielle, and I'm here to walk with you on this journey of motherhood.
I'm in it as well. I [00:01:00] am along for the faith ride, the personal growth ride. And today I'm going to dive into a topic that was suggested by one of you, a podcast listener. Shout out to Michelle. I appreciate when you guys send me an email and tell me about what topics you want to hear. And she wanted to know about, she wanted some help on making some decisions.
But there was that element that she added that kind of made it a little bit more laser focused. And it was in particular when you're making decisions that bring up FOMO. And what FOMO is, is fear of missing out. So what she said in her email was like, how do you navigate when let's say you're going to work, leave and make a decision to change jobs.
And then what happens is you're thinking, if I leave and go somewhere else, What about the things that I'm going to be missing out in my current place? But the same thing [00:02:00] is that if you stay and you at your current place, what am I going to be missing out that could be out there for me in another job?
So anyways, again, thanks for you listeners giving today's topics. And so what we're going to talk about is how it touches Many of our lives, when we struggle to overcome indecision, and then again, like I mentioned, especially when it's fueled by the fear of missing out. And then how do we make peace with our choices in a world that is constantly telling us that we should be doing more, being more, achieving more, and so let's explore this together today.
So, first I want to just talk about this FOMO and to help us understand it. Fear of missing out is that anxious feeling you get when you see, like let's say others posting about their accomplishments or if you [00:03:00] have this visualization of what a perfect home is and how it's perfectly organized. You see photos of that or maybe you go into somebody else's house and it looks like that.
Or let's say you're seeing somebody else take a dream vacation and you're wondering like you then you bring yourself back to wherever you are now, let's say you're behind a desk at work and it's feeling kind of like humdrum Or maybe you're just at home and you've got like, you know kids running around and you're don't know what to make for dinner And you just feel like you're missing out on something essential And it's particularly challenging for us moms when we are trying to balance everything, our families, our home, work outside of the home our faith, and our own personal aspirations, right?
Our own personal growth. So, let's just pause here and remember that [00:04:00] FOMO, it thrives on comparison. And I have done just, you know, a few episodes ago I had one on comparison. So go back and visit that if, if you find that you do have this fear of missing out. And as I said then, and want to reiterate today, that comparison is the thief of joy.
So what we're asking for when we want to overcome decisions, and if we find ourselves that the reason why we're not making decisions is because we are focusing on missing out on something. What I want to invite you to do is instead of looking outward at your life, thinking about that outward job or the thing that your brain is telling you you'd be missing out on.
I want you to turn inward and I want you to understand and look at your own unique [00:05:00] circumstances in your life. What your priorities of your life at this moment, at this stage of motherhood, where you are in your life, and also your unique values, your core values. We wanna look at those. To keep your, your brain more focused, more of a tunnel vision, I guess, to be able to weed out the, what it is that your brain is telling you that you'd be missing, or if you make a quote wrong decision.
Then X, Y, and Z can happen. And then what happens is we just snowball our mind and start spinning out and collect more evidence about why our decision wouldn't be good or not. And I want you to bring it back inward, again, a focus on where you are in your life and circumstances, your own priorities, [00:06:00] your desires, and nobody else's.
And that's how we combat the FOMO. Which again has that element of comparison with other people. So let's talk through a few different scenarios. Hopefully you will be able to find something relatable in each one. And then after we, we go through that, then I'm going to offer you some strategies to be able to overcome this indecision that you may be faced with.
So the first scenario, I want you to imagine you're a mom who's balancing a full time job. You're also running the household. Maybe you're participating in some school events or community events, church events, and you see posts on social media from other parents who are able to attend like every one of their child's school functions, or they're preparing homemade meals daily, and then they still have time for [00:07:00] personal hobbies and vacations and things.
And you start questioning your own choices and priorities. You're wondering if you're missing out on some key moments of your children's lives or like your own personal development. So how FOMO manifests is it leads you to then over commit to activities and projects so that you can try to do it all and be there for everything and just doing and being everything, right?
And, but what, what we know that that happens is is that the FOMO, the feeling that you're going to miss out on something has you saying yes to everything. Okay. And then you're saying yes to being the PTA parent and bringing something to the bake sale and showing up for every soccer game. And. Yes, to that project at work, right?
[00:08:00] And so that FOMO has you then resulted, it results in you being the burnt out stressed mom. And what it does is it then decreases the quality time with your family because you're spread too thin and you can't show up as your best self. And notice how that's. probably the opposite of what you want.
You're probably someone, if you're balancing all that, maybe you're working a full time job outside the home and you, you want so much to have more quality time. And so if you have an indecision on what you should do or shouldn't do, And so then that just leads you because that fear of missing out leads you to overcommit.
Then notice how like you're going to have a decreased quality of time with your family. Like you're in the opposite direction of what you want. So here's another scenario. Okay. Let's say that as a, let's say [00:09:00] we'll go again, like let's say you're a working outside the home mom and you're faced with a potential career advancement.
You get this notification that there's this opportunity for you to, I don't know, move up the ladder, take on more different position, but it will require more hours at work and possibly even some travel. But however, this comes at a time. Let's say your children are kind of like at a developmental stage where they still like require a lot of you or maybe they're achieving some milestones and maybe they're in a place of their sport or activity where it, it has some travel itself.
I can see how as a mom, you're torn between seizing a career opportunity. Right, which has like positive financial ramifications maybe to your family and this whole struggle with being present for your children. [00:10:00] Meanwhile, you're watching everybody else excelling in their careers. Right? Or maybe you're watching everyone be what you think is perfect parents and always there.
And so what that does is that mounts pressure in you and makes your decision of whether to take the job or not to take the job just even more of what your brain says is hard and difficult, right? The fear here. is, is twofold. You're missing out on a career progression, but then you're, you're also wondering, are you going to regret?
Like we all know they grow up fast, that the time goes by and that you don't get these times back. Those are the things that are going into our, into our mind. And so that is what leads to the indecision or making a choice that doesn't align with your deepest values and it's, there's just this internal [00:11:00] conflict and dissatisfaction.
Do you all relate to this? Is, am I hitting a chord somewhere? Even though these two scenarios are very similar. How about one that I know very well? Okay. I am navigating teenage years while caring for aging parents. And what, do we know, did you all know that there's a name for this? It's called the sandwich generation, right, where you are caring for the teenagers who demand like independence, and then you've got aging parents who require more attention and assistance at that time of life, and so I find myself where we call it we're in the middle, and it's the sandwich generation, and You know, in that time, you might see, like, if you've decided to care for your parents more, you may see your friends having adventures, right, traveling.
Again, you might see others with professional achievements. And here you are navigating the daily [00:12:00] challenges and managing, like, you know, maybe a crisis with the teenagers, something, you know, maybe a parent has fallen or needs like, you know, medical care, you need to drive them to visits. And so you're like facing multiple fronts here.
And this contrast, it does stir up feelings inside of you that you're missing out. And that will, do you see how that, that fear of missing out and what you're thinking about it and how you're feeling? That it will cause you to not decide one way or the other about where you're putting your time and attention.
Because it's pulled over in that FOMO. But if that is where I am suggesting that if you stop looking at the outside things and really focusing on your life and your priorities, that's when you can start to feel better. [00:13:00] Like, no, I'm deciding that it's super important for me to be there for my parents right now and for my teenagers and that they won't always be here or around.
And so then later I will take that. You know, adventurous vacation I see other people taking or something or that work will, another opportunity to advance may come later, but right now my priorities are this and see how that helps you come to more of a focused decision and to be able to get out of that FOMO.
So, here's a few strategies to overcome indecision and then I definitely want to come from the internal mental aspects and offer you some ways that you can guide your brain, your thinking that will bring you more peace of mind around decision making.
The first decision I've mentioned already or the first strategy I've mentioned already is to divine your values. It is to come back to the [00:14:00] present moment and ask yourself at my life right now what truly matters to me and my family, right? What are my values in my faith, life? What about education, in my relationships? And let those values guide your decisions. Okay, when you look to those things that truly matter to you and are important to you in your life right now, that's going to be able to focus you to making to picking something and to making a decision.
I'd also want to offer to help you to limit your options. Sometimes there's just like too many options is the problem and causing indecision. So narrowing them down to just a couple choices. And those choices, if then you can see they align with your values and priorities, is going to make it easier for your mind to choose.[00:15:00]
I want to also definitely remind you this next strategy is so key and that is to seek guidance through prayer. You guys in moments of indecision just turn to prayer. Ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit. Ask the Lord to lead you toward what's best for you and your family. Ask and you shall receive.
Ask him to light the path. To shut a door. So that another door can open, so definitely seek his guidance through prayer when you have decisions to make, but then also know that it's not just in the asking. Once we do, we, we want to trust that it's going to be answered, but we still have to make the decision and go and decide and get into action.
I want you to also embrace the good enough. This is where B minus comes in here [00:16:00] with decision making. The tool B minus. Remember that seeking perfection in every choice is a recipe for success. Total dissatisfaction. It will keep you in confusion. But when we say, I think this one is going to be good enough, and we find a piece in the fact that you are doing your best, and that you are making this decision based on your best kind of gut reaction, or with the information that you have presently.
Then that is going to help you move from the side of confusion into the side of knowing. Because remember, as I have pointed out in many decision making episodes that I have done prior to this one, that the relief that you're looking for, knowing if it's a right decision or not, comes [00:17:00] after you make it.
And where you get stuck is thinking that I must know before. I take the step you're trying to feel good and to feel like this is the right decision before you make it when truly none of us know because we don't get a result without actions is that it comes after deciding then you're going to see results from your decision and then it's going to be up to you to like them or not.
And remember we can always. change. So those are some strategies. And earlier we talked about, you know, how the FOMO part, how it thrives on comparison. And I just want to bring that back to how when we're in indecision, it can be paralyzing, right? Like when you're afraid of making the wrong choice because you don't want to miss out [00:18:00] on something, it's like you're being stuck at a crossroad.
Like you can picture you're on the path and then there's an arrow going left, an arrow going right, and you're just stuck there in that crossroad and not moving. But one other comforting thought like I want to offer you is to know that not every single decision needs to or does dictate the rest of your life.
Sometimes we give so much just weight to our decisions, thinking like it's huge, it's big. But most of our choices lead to outcomes that are far less dramatic than we are fearing in this FOMO. St. Therese of Lisieux and her little way. She found holiness in the small everyday choices. And we too can find peace by focusing on the [00:19:00] small steps in our decision making process rather than the whole entire path.
And that can be helpful to be able to overcome indecision. I think that. Like some actions that help us stay out of FOMO is looking and searching for what we are grateful for now that's happening. So again, if we take the example of the job, you can look and see things in your job right now of what is like you're grateful for, of what you do like.
And then there are gonna always be. the other 50 50 where, you know, not that great, you could change if you wanted to or things you can't change and you're just, you know, have to, quote, put up with each day, right? But also know that you can, you can focus on, the [00:20:00] good part of it and keep your mind as much as you can focus there.
And then that's the same thing. If you're looking to changing, you can find the good things about changing. And then you can also find some things that you don't know, like that, yeah, maybe you will miss a little bit, but if you stay focused on the new and what you're grateful for, that's going to be able to counteract the FOMO.
I also, when it comes to decision making to overcome decisions, I love a good deadline, giving yourself a specific timeframe to make a decision and committing to it and following through. I mean, you could always, when that time comes, make a decision to have a new deadline. However, Brains really survive on deadlines.
We know that when there's a deadline imposed, what do we do? We get out of procrastinations and we do the thing. So sometimes you [00:21:00] feel like you want to research and talk to other people and ask their opinion so you can quote, make a better decision, but you could be doing that for weeks and months and years on end.
There literally has to be a time when you decide, okay, I am going to decide by this day. And then you just got to pick something. and go with it. And then with that, remember, there is no decision that needs to be set in stone. Most choices can be adjusted or revisited as needed. Okay. I feel like I went on a little tangent over there.
I'm going to bring myself back. And I, of course, with this podcast, I am focusing on having peace of mind and getting, helping us be able to make decisions, have when we take the action of making decisions, it is, it is [00:22:00] coming from what we are deciding to think and feel in those moments. And so if you are someone who isn't making a decision or is focused on fear of missing out, it's because of what's going on in your mind.
And so I want to offer you some mental and emotional shifts to to consider that might, when you hear them, if you wanted to adopt them, if you wanted to start practicing, believing them, then these are going to help you overcome decisions and help keep you out of FOMO. So the first shift is to embrace the present moment.
If you are focusing on the here and now, Rather than what could be happening elsewhere, that shift alone will reduce the power of FOMO by putting value into what your current experience is over like hypothetical [00:23:00] ones, okay?
The next thing I want you to, I mentioned this earlier about B minus, I want you to accept more being imperfect. Recognize that no decision sometimes will be perfect and accepting this can liberate you from the paralysis that comes when we are finding ourselves in indecision. So embrace that good enough part that I mentioned earlier. Okay. I also mentioned gratitude regularly, regularly acknowledging what you're thankful for can shift your perspective from what you're missing out.
Okay, creating an abundance mindset, believe that there's an abundance of opportunities rather than fearing scarcity, which FOMO amplifies scarcity. If you decide right now not to take that job, I want you to shift your mind to that. There's an [00:24:00] abundance of opportunities that will come my way later. Like this isn't the only one.
See how that shift can help you move into decision. I love if you want to set some personal boundaries, right? This is understanding your limitations and then respecting them. So that would help moms to not be saying yes to everything. And so then if you understand your own limits, in what you have in your time and energy.
Notice how when you were offered this new thing to take on, you'll be able to more decide in the moment if it's a yes or no based on you already having some set some boundaries around yourself. I also want you to Like, regardless of the outcomes of your decision, I want you to shift from what you would miss out to, to what you would gain.
I love, [00:25:00] there is a book by Dan Kennedy called The Gap and the Gain, and it just shows when the brain is focusing on the gap, that's the missing out, right? It feels terrible. And we know, like from what I teach here, when we're feeling terrible, then our actions come from that, and then our results. are most likely not going to be great either.
But when you focus on the gain, what you will gain in that decision and keep your mind focused on that, that's totally going to help you, like, focus on this personal growth of yours and seeing that Decisions are an opportunity for growing regardless of the outcome, because remember, even if your decision that you make ends up to be not a good decision or a failure or however your brain, so like that's good information, right?
You've learned something. And so you will grow from that experience of learning. And then some emotional [00:26:00] shifts that, that I want you to be aware of to overcome indecisions and to keep FOMO at bay. And that is always, I want you to cultivate self compassion, be kinder to yourself, Mama. So during moments of indecision or when you feel that FOMO and comparison is creeping in, Like, be kind to yourself, ease the pressure and reduce your anxiety by saying like, okay, this is a human experience, this happens sometimes, I get wrapped up in indecision or it's normal that I would look to somebody else's life and, you know, kind of compare myself, but I just want you to then shift back into a place where it's more self compassion instead of like beating yourself up for like, here I go again, or I shouldn't be doing that.
And I just want you to nurture patience when you are putting everything that I have to offer here on the podcast into practice and apply. It [00:27:00] is all, any kind of action you take is, is good. It is working and helping to retrain your brain, but just be, develop some more patient with yourself that, that you are learning.
But tell yourself you're in progress. Tell yourself that, you know, prayers aren't always answered immediately. And know that you really practice becoming someone maybe who stayed in indecision a lot or kept yourself stuck. You've practiced that a lot. So be patient with yourself to unpractice it. Right, that whole, this new decision making process, you're, this new skill of someone who's becoming a really strong, like more quick decision maker I just want you to be patient with yourself.
So that's self compassion and patience. And lastly, I'm going to end by saying that I want you to shift again back to this self compassion. [00:28:00] Internal validation when it comes to making your decisions. No one knows better than you do on what to do. So I want you to seek internal validation in your decision making first and foremost.
Shift the need to find approval from others. Or to research a whole bunch, right, and like stay on the Googles for hours and, and bounce back and forth. When I know that I help my clients and I've done it enough to see and have practiced enough on myself to know that if I quiet myself and ask the questions, what do I really think is the best decision for me?
What if I did know? already what the best one was, which one do I think it would be? And then I love [00:29:00] this one. If you knew that either decision, if you've boiled it down to two things, either one was going to be like perfectly work out for you, which one do you want it to be? And notice how shifting to this internal validation of I have the best answers for my life and find the approval from within, then making decisions will be more fulfilling and it'll be less influenced by others or it will be less coming from this fear of missing out.
Okay. So that is what I have for you today. And I want to thank you for joining me. I hope this episode brought you some peace and clarity. And remember in the face of indecision and FOMO, you are not alone. And if you literally don't want to be alone in it, please come [00:30:00] to a call, talk to me about what decisions you're faced with right now, and I would love to help you.
Okay, listeners, thank you. Thanks for being here and I will talk to you again next week. As always, peace be with you. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review.
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