Danielle Thienel: [00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 209 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, Certified Life Coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started. Hello, my dear listeners, and welcome back to the Peaceful Mind podcast for busy moms. I'm your host, Danielle, and today marks episode 209. It's also an episode that I am repeating for the second time. That's right. A little bit of [00:01:00] background.
I wanted to tell you all a little update on my personal life that kind of impacts a little bit of this episode and why I chose this topic. And that is that my father passed away. And when this episode is coming out is about a month, a month , probably five weeks after I, and so the state of mind that I'm in and how I'm feeling is you know, pretty up and down a lot of sadness and grief that I'm processing.
And I know that I could, you know, put off doing an episode because I do like to be in a very, you know, strong, high vibe place when I'm giving my content to you and sharing, but I also want you to know that I am human too and that this is going on in [00:02:00] my life and that even though I'm not feeling 100 percent myself for obvious reasons, that I still can do the things that I want to do and, and getting my podcasts out to you is one of those.
Now the way that I work is I take care of my future self a lot. This is a concept that I have talked about on the podcast before. So for you regular listeners, it's not going to be something new, but what that future self concept is, is that where you do is you take your mind to that place, that future place of you, and then you find out like what's happening there.
And then you backtrack and tell yourself what would I need to do today to take care of that future version of myself. And one of the ways I do that is I batch my content. So, when [00:03:00] I am delivering podcasts nowadays, it's usually something that has happened about a month to six weeks in the past. And now sometimes I'm right on, you know, when they have, when I have them go out, maybe like a week or two right before, but the majority is that I, that I record them early.
So when you are hearing this, I will be about a. a month into my grief process of losing my sweet dad but I wanted to give myself permission to actually put my mind and focus on helping you all and getting this episode to you today because that is actually helping me in part. In my grieving process, right, in taking my mind to have a break for a moment.
So, but what I wanted to tell you was I had made the decision to do it yesterday and I did record this [00:04:00] episode, which I think went beautifully. And then it was time to take my mom to mass and to go to mass. So I stopped and I pushed save. And I, did everything that I I regularly do to be able to save it and save it right, you know, in the folders.
And then I, I came back after mass and went to go edit it just so I could put it aside. And it wasn't there or I accidentally either moved it into trash. I tried. In my very limited techie kind of awareness of what I'm doing. I'm very routine , in putting my podcast episodes together.
But I, I'll tell you, I was frustrated. I was mad. I was like really disappointed thinking I would have to do it again. But what I've learned with coaching, and it's such a beautiful gift and skill and I want [00:05:00] you all to be this way too, is I want you to very quickly get to a place where you jump into facing reality.
And in this case, the reality is that I didn't have access to my episode. And so I would have to do it again. And so I didn't stay frustrated, and I didn't stay disappointed very long. I did for a little bit until I stepped into reality and said, okay I know that I'm not feeling great now. It really wouldn't be a good time So I let it go and then I you know went to sleep and now it's the next day And I've gotten some things done today and I feel really filled up and cared for and so now here I am back
So I wanted to give you a little bit of that background on having this be the second time that I recorded this episode and the fact that in my personal life that I [00:06:00] am going through a challenge of losing a parent and how that That kind of particularly is poignant for me to give you this topic of giving yourself permission.
So as I navigate the recent loss of my father, I just wanted you to see that there'll be some like intertwining of personal reflection, but with also with guidance to help you how you, in your busy mom life that you also can embrace this essential permission in your lives of giving yourself permission.
And I want to delve into the four really significant permissions that I have that can revolutionize Our lives as mothers and as individuals, because each of these play a crucial role in nurturing not just our families, but ourselves. So the first [00:07:00] one that I want to bring up to you to help you give yourself permission is permission to invest in yourself.
Investing in yourself can seem to be a luxury, but I would argue again and again that it's a necessity. And I am talking about self care, but I'm also talking about self development and, you know, maybe just coming into a new hobby or taking on just a new dream of yours that requires time and money or just time
We need to give permission to ourself and see it as an investment, right? It's about self preservation and growth for yourself. And investing in yourself could [00:08:00] mean you signing up for a Pilates class. It could mean you booking a weekend retreat. I have one of my moms our call this past week in our group, telling us, she spent time at the Catholic retreat over the New Year's, and now I've been listening to the replays and watching the replays of it.
Joining a personal development course could enrich your life. I just want you to be more engaged into bringing into your life things that will help you rise to a, a better version of yourself, whatever that is for you, because you are teaching your children the value of self respect and personal growth when you do that.
And I also know as I have one of the answers for time and money. [00:09:00] That I think is one of the best options is coaching, having a coach, being able to, to change and retrain your mindset because it's the base for all the reason why you either have or don't have something, but it does require both of those.
Time and money and an investment in yourself and time and time again, I do see moms come and they don't give permission to themselves. There is excuses, excuses why now is a busy time, too busy, why it's too expensive, the I can't afford it or that it'll, it might be a waste, it might not work on me. And it, it pains me. It's understandable but it pains me that in any form or fashion, whether it's taking, a class, doing something for fun, or even just reading a book, which requires [00:10:00] time, right? That you getting the joy out of reading a book does require time, but we can't give permission to ourselves to invest that time or invest money.
And it's so easily invested and you give your time to others and your families and your kids. Talk about how much money we spent in their even what always comes to mind is the summer camps. If I add it up with my own three children and all the weeks and the different types of summer camps, I mean, I think my one daughter went to space camp, like, 10 years in a row.
If I add that up. Yet, us moms, what, we think we get to a certain point and that we are not worth it. We're not allowed to expand ourselves and grow. So the very first aspect of giving yourself permission or offering that this could lead you to a life of more peace and balance and joy. You also can become more [00:11:00] confident.
You can feel more in control of your life. You could show up as that calm mom. I want you to give yourself permission to invest in yourself, invest time or invest both time and money. And the rewards will be multiple. So the first thing you need to do to give yourself permission is to be wrong, be wrong about everything, be wrong about what's going to happen in the future that, that you're worried about, be wrong that you are feeling guilty over something.
We are wrong sometimes because we do make mistakes because we are human. And then my, you know, favorite saying, you're not a robot, right? You're a human being. And in our roles as mothers, we often feel the pressure to be perfect. But robots could be perfect. [00:12:00] But we aren't because here's the truth.
Perfection is a myth. And if we allow ourselves to make mistakes and learn from them, this is critical. This is critical for our growth. Each mistake is an opportunity for a chance to model resilience and humility for our children. And it's okay to admit when we're wrong. It's okay to apologize and to show up for our kids, often showing them our missteps.
I want you to give yourself permission for this, to make mistakes, to be wrong sometimes. I'm always thinking of the examples of my beautiful mamas in my group, Busy to Balanced, that I always want to welcome all of you listeners to look into seeing if it's a fit for you at this time. It is an amazing time to join that group.
Let me just go ahead and give you the [00:13:00] example of we just had, we were coming back from seeing each other and coaching for the first time in this new year. And leading up to Christmas, the coaching can be things like, you know, I'm worried about this trip we're taking and then I'm worried about my in laws and they're thinking like it's going to be hard because of X, Y, and Z.
And then when we came back, I love for them to tell me, Hey, it went well. This is what happened. It actually didn't play out the way I was thinking that it was. And we laugh and we're like, Oh yeah, so back then your brain was wrong, you know? And so when you come back, I like to say like, that's totally like normal to see that your brain kind of made up this plan of how things would be, but oftentimes we're wrong.
So I want you to give yourself permission to question things and say, what if I'm wrong about this? What if I can do it? [00:14:00] What if I can figure out a way? You will make mistakes and that is when you pour grace and self love and you just give your permission to be like, yep, I'm human, I was wrong about that or I made a mistake so that we can get back to not being stuck and moving forward with everything.
Okay, I want to move on to the next permission. I want you to give yourself permission to set more boundaries in your life and to say no more often. I know that's two separate things, but I'm kind of like lumping them together. Boundaries are vital for your mental health and well being.
And saying no is not a sign of weakness. It's actually A declaration of self respect and it can be as simple as declining an extra commitment. I know I did a a podcast episode recently about being overcommitted. If you haven't listened to that one, go back and listen to that one. [00:15:00] Because when we are stretched too thin, right?
We know how we show up in our mom life. Not so great. And I want you to set limits on your availability. Again, we do have a limited time in our day. And again, you're not a robot, so you're a human being and you need that rest and work time. So we, in order to honor that, in order to give yourself the more freedom to be able to have a chance to not be exhausted, it's to set more boundaries.
And it will require you saying no more often to things. But notice how when you don't want to say no, it's just your brain getting in the way saying that the other person will, like, not think well of you. Or your own battles, where if you're thinking like, Oh, good moms do this, and you're saying no to it.
So, I want you to say, [00:16:00] to set more boundaries and to say no more often and give yourself permission saying that that's not only okay, it's actually the way to bring you more peace and satisfaction in your mom life. And the last permission that I want to offer you is I want you to love all of you.
I want you to love the good parts, the quote bad parts and the quote, ugly parts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I, and I use these definitions in that what I know your mean lower brain defines for yourself as being bad and ugly. This might be the hardest permission.
I'm underscoring that it is the most crucial one, because learning to love yourself in its entirety, your [00:17:00] strengths, your weaknesses, your successes and failures, this type of unconditional self love is the foundation of true peace and happiness. And when I make that declaration, I'm also making it as a woman of faith who knows that Christ is the center and is the true foundation of peace and happiness. However, Christ is unconditional self love. He's unconditional love. And that's what, and you are made in the image of Christ. So your true peace and happiness will be found when you love all of yourself, all of your humanness and what your brain is telling you is a flaw.
Remember, God created you and he didn't make mistakes, so that flaw has purpose, or it's not even a flaw, but I know it's what we all define as our flaws. Give yourself permission to love all of you, to [00:18:00] lean into your humanness, and if I can just take these permissions and, and bring it back to my current circumstances, right, of having lost my, a parent, I want you to see that I am following this as well.
Number one, I'm giving myself permission to invest in myself with time and money. Thank goodness I have the support through coaching and a coach and coaching programs. That are there to be able to support me and navigate me, navigate during this difficult time. Someone to support and guide you and to bounce off my, my feelings and to show me what I'm not seeing is such a gift at this time.
I love everyone that has reached out. However, I know that setting myself up with dedicating [00:19:00] time and money to be able to process my negative emotions. And get the coaching and the help I need at this time is so worth it. I'm so thankful for this. And then the permission to be wrong and to make mistakes, right?
I was wrong that I had more time with him. And I'm also wrong that this is awful because I have found so many beautiful moments in this whole experience leading up to my father passing and then even now afterwards as I plan his funeral and work with family and gather things.
There's so much that is wonderful and yeah, I'm going to make some mistakes along the way on how I handle everything or how I even move forward with my new normal, my life without him. And I'm going to, say that I'm going to give myself permission that that's okay. The boundaries and saying no permissions, [00:20:00] you know, when any time that there's a major life change, right, there's, there's other people that have their opinions.
There's other, there's, there's lots of, you know, when, when family is involved or, you know, when you're juggling things as a mom, like I'm going to say no. To doing all the things I was doing before and saying yes to more rest for myself, more caring, more self care at this time. I'm going to be setting boundaries on my time and energy for sure because it's, the perfect time to shift and to really evaluate and seeing where my new priorities are as I navigate this experience.
And I'm giving myself permission to love all of me through it. Just how much love can I pour into [00:21:00] myself for this really hard earthly experience right now? I could only anticipate what it was going to be like and how I show up to it. And experience it is going to be utilizing my strengths, but it's also going to tap into my weaknesses, and then I'm going to feel really successful about some things, how I navigate it, and I'm going to feel like a failure, too.
But unconditional love, because I know that also that this is if, if I was talking, well, I visualize, right, that I am talking with Jesus about it all. I know that He would be pouring love. And saying, you know, you're, you're doing amazing and embracing your humanness. But he would be showing me how everything is all lovable.
So [00:22:00] that is what I wanted to offer you all today. I wanted to give yourself permission in these areas, just like I am giving myself permission because as I reflect on my dad passing. These permissions have become my anchor, and in grieving, I've learned to invest more in my emotional health, to accept my human responses to loss, to set boundaries around my grieving process, and most importantly, to love myself through this challenging time.
So, how can you apply these permissions in your daily life? Just start small. Maybe it's setting aside 30 minutes a day for a book you've wanted to read. Maybe it's saying no to an extra task that doesn't align with your priorities at this point in whatever stage of motherhood you're in. It is about making intentional choices that honor [00:23:00] your needs and well being.
And I, and I want to hear from you. If, there's some of these permissions that you have a hard time with, which one? If there's one that you, you realize you weren't giving yourself permission for, and then after you heard this episode, you began to give yourself permission, I would love to know. Have you found, did you find giving yourself permission challenging or empowering?
You can share your stories with me directly, the email [email protected] and I will read them. I will read them all. You can also send me something on either Facebook or Instagram. @daniellethienelcoaching Because your journey would definitely inspire, me and inspire someone else too, because that's what I do.
I [00:24:00] want to hear what, what's resonating with you. And if any of you have navigated the loss of a parent, I'd, love your tips and strategies too. I know that these coaching tools and strategies that I offer have already been so amazing. But I love connecting with you listeners. So as I close today, I want you to remember that these permissions, they're not just acts of self love.
They're acts of strength. And you're not just nurturing yourself, but you're also setting a powerful example for your family. For those around you and until next time please keep embracing your journey with kindness and courage. I know those two I'm being super kind to myself right now in life And I'm gathering a lot of courage to move forward without my dad. So thank you for [00:25:00] listening and remember you have the strength to create a life of balance and joy And if you want help doing so, I really want to ask you to come to a call.
It will be helpful in itself. And then there is so much wonderful goodness to be had in my life coaching program, Busy to Balanced. And I would love to see if you are fit for that. So until next week, peace be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools. to create peace of mind in your busy mom life. And if you're of the Catholic faith like me, or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life, [00:26:00] and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help.
Become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances. Whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like minded women, or a self study course, I've got you covered. Explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course, Divine Time.
To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.Com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching. And also, don't forget to get your copy of my book, The Cyclone Mom Method: How To Call On Your God-Given Power To Remain Calm and In Control As A Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to [00:27:00] book.daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.
