Episode 204 Transcript
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Danielle Thienel: [00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 204 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, Certified Life Coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started. And here we are again, back with another episode. I'm so glad you're here, especially because we are going to talk about something that I know is a general problem for many busy moms. It certainly was for me when I actually got to the place where I hit my turning [00:01:00] point when I had to really figure out another way.
And hopefully what I have to say to you in this podcast can help some listeners not have to get to that point. So today we're going to be talking about when we are over committed in our time and energy and schedule and what the pitfalls are.
And when we learn the pitfalls, hopefully it will reignite a fire in you to recommit to not being over committed. And so I want to start out with talking about what I think you will assume that I will say are the pitfalls of being over committed. And and they actually are, they're great examples of pitfalls.
But then after I discuss those, I want to tell you what I think are three pitfalls of being overcommitted in your time, [00:02:00] energy, and schedule as a busy mom, that you might not be thinking about, or it might actually be even more of an underlining problem. So let's just start right now with what I think that many of us already, already choose and pick and know what, what could happen when we overcommit ourselves.
So the first one I want to talk about is that when we overcommit ourselves, we are going to have increased stress and anxiety. It can lead to chronic stress. If you try and juggle multiple responsibilities, if you are someone who lives with lots of deadlines and when you have obligations, and it literally does take a toll on your mental health, and this stress and anxiety is something that is talked about a lot.
And so that is definitely something that is going to be a byproduct of being overcommitted.[00:03:00] Being over committed has several negative consequences and overall it is not helping the quality of your life and it's definitely not helping you have the peace of mind that you crave and that is what I am here is to help, to do, is to help you have more peace of mind.
So another byproduct or pitfall of, of being over committed is It's actually ironic, but it's decreased productivity. So it's a paradox here, right? That over committing can lead to you being less productive. Because when you spread yourself too thin, you may not have enough time or energy to focus on each task and do that task effectively or efficiently.
And it will result in a lower quality of work. And for those of us who work on a deadline, that we will probably miss them. So again, increased stress and anxiety and decreased productivity are things that I'm sure [00:04:00] are top of mind for you that will happen when you overextend yourself with commitments.
And the next one that you probably can just take your own guess about is neglecting self care. When you're an overcommitted individual, what happens is we prioritize commitments of others, of our kids, of our spouse, of our family. over any self care activities for ourselves, such as exercise, sleep, and relaxation.
Now, I know there is a time and place when there are times when we absolutely want to serve our loved ones and take care of their needs and wants. However, on the majority Neglecting self care will lead to you, your, the mama's physical and mental health issues including fatigue, [00:05:00] illness, and decreased overall sense of well being.
And we're going to talk a little bit about that in here in a minute. Also, what happens with over commitment is it strains our relationships. It strains our personal relationships, our professional relationships, because when you're constantly busy filling up your time and energy and schedules and calendars and saying yes to everything without evaluating what those things and how they fit into your life, what they are and how they fit into your life, you're going to have less time to spend with loved ones.
It's going to lead to feelings of resentment, neglect from those that are close to you. And being overcommitted will limit your personal growth. It limits your opportunities for growth and development because when you're constantly focused on meeting your obligations, you may miss out on chances to explore new interests, learn [00:06:00] new skills, or take on challenges that lead to personal and professional growth.
Or again, back to that strain relationships, maybe just missing opportunities to connect and be with others, which we learn a lot. We learn a lot from being around like our friends and acquaintances, and so you can definitely limit your personal growth, but those, those things that I just mentioned are what is kind of just right there, easy at the surface to say, Oh yeah, when I'm overcommitted, I'm definitely going to have a little bit more stress.
I'm going to neglect my self care. I'm not going to have as much. And I wanted you to to at least let me bring them back to the forefront of your mind so that you can question, is that happening in your life right now? Do you have strained relationships because you're overcommitted in one way or the other?
Do you feel like you haven't done anything for [00:07:00] yourself lately? And do you have this yearning and desire to kind of expand your life in a different way and grow with maybe a new hobby or something but you feel limited because right now you're just overextended and overcommitted in so many areas? So I wanted to bring them to the forefront of your mind for you to be able to evaluate where you are in, in these areas.
But really the, the main focus of this episode this week when, in regards to being overcommitted is I wanted to talk about these three particular pitfalls. The first one is burnout. And again, this, this word is used a lot. You will see it, oh, I'm so burnt out, or are you a burnt out mom, right? But I want to just.
Explain it in a way that I hope you see what actually burnt out is and why it's such a [00:08:00] pitfall because if you are truly to the point where you are burnt out, it means that you have reached, not that you are on your way to, but you have reached a state of depletion and exhaustion that is now detrimental to your mental, physical, spiritual, and And emotional well being, meaning that stage of burnout, that place that you are, it is affecting all four of those things that make up your well being it in a, in such a negative way, it is detrimental to your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional well being.
It's a feeling that many of us have experienced before. Especially when we're juggling numerous responsibilities. So my story of when I was totally overwhelmed and had reached a place of burnt out, [00:09:00] mine was detrimental to my physical health where I ended up sick and in bed for two weeks. So I definitely was over committed.
I was over committed. That is what caused me to burn out. I said yes to too many things. that didn't support or align or rejuvenate or fill my soul. And it's essential to recognize that being burnt out. And even that word being busy is not a badge of honor. Burnt out is a sign that we've exceeded our limits and therefore something must change.
So this. I've seen working moms who then take on extra projects at the office and she'll say something. She'll she'll add something to her schedule like oh, yes I'll coach the child soccer team and then [00:10:00] there's a various multiple committees that come up whether it's at school or even at work Or just at church or in in life that they volunteer for and remember that's on top of everything That is looked at as the usual duties and things like exercise, taking care of yourself, getting the kids to school.
And speaking of that, like, we know that. Overcommitment comes from stay at home moms who try to maintain a perfect home while the kids are home, while they're homeschooling them, taking the main person taking care of their education, and then we're managing various extracurricular activities, depending on, you know, how many activities each child has.
If we overcommit ourself in the usual quote, mom areas, working mom, whether you're staying home or whether you're working outside the home, this is working [00:11:00] moms and we will overcommit ourself. And so to avoid this burnout, it is so crucial for you to set boundaries around your time and your energy.
And this will include that initial list where you must prioritize self care because we can't, if, if we can't ourselves just show up for at least minimum baselines of what needs to be done to take care of ourselves and our families, right? Like, then, All the yeses that we've said that they're not going to end up with that result that we said yes in the first place that we were hoping to have.
And it's not about doing less. It's about doing the right things for [00:12:00] you and your family that you've decided matter to you and that you have, you see. That is a priority at this stage of motherhood. Okay, so just think about that pitfall when you are overcommitted. That pitfall of being burnt out, which is definitely detrimental to your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well being.
So, if you related to anything I said, what are you going to commit to let go of? To prioritize, to reorder in your life, to increase the satisfaction of your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing. What tweaks come to mind that you can change in [00:13:00] order to avoid the pitfall of burnout? Okay.
The other thing, the other pitfall I wanted to bring to your attention that comes from being over committed is how you tie your self worth to your productivity. And this, if we don't have our self worth, then we do not have the foundation. We fall into this trap of believing that our value as an individual, as a human being, is determined by what we do. And this is definitely a pitfall of being over committed.
Because we It's, it's our, our self worth is associated with who we are, who we are is a child of God, who [00:14:00] we are is a human being that exists. And I've said this numerous times throughout the episodes of this podcast, that our self worth is already a hundred percent there. It is already innately given to us by the mere fact that we exist and that we were born.
But what I see happen with my clients and with other busy moms and it used to be myself That we look at all the things that who we do or our job That makes us feel whether we are worthy or not Whether we're worry worthy of love whether we're worthy to take up space and I want you to see that This is very detrimental to you having the joy and peace and balance In your life, because it will lead you [00:15:00] to constant striving.
It will lead you to trying to create a pile of accolades and accomplishments and over commitment. It's a, it's a, it's a fallacy, right? That you being more productive, that you being say, saying yes to more things or accomplishing more things makes you better or more whole or more worthy. And that is not the truth.
So be careful of that pitfall. Is this something that you see you do that you tie your self worth to productivity? Well hopefully by hearing what I have to say that you can loosen it or let it go altogether. You are here. You exist. You're worthy. You just be who you are and, and it's not related to how much you are doing or what you do.
Like [00:16:00] a, any kind of job doesn't. Add to your self worth and some, you know, examples, let's just think about the mom who feels guilty when she takes a break because she believes her worth is solely based on how much she can accomplish in the day or whether she gets that to do list all the way to done and a professional woman who over commits at work proves her competence, but it can be at the expense of her wellbeing.
Really our self worth is rooted In the fact that we're a child of God, it is not tied to our productivity. And I want this truth to be liberating to you today. I want to help break that never ending cycle of over commitment that you could be in right now. Especially [00:17:00] if you can recognize that you are right now in your life being driven on a quest for external validation.
I was just talking to some clients this week in my group life coaching program called Busy to Balanced and we were talking about you know, waiting for, you know, the kids to give us, you know, thanks mom. That was amazing mom. I so appreciate all that you do mom. And instead learning how to give ourselves a literal pat on the back.
And I love that I got this from my coach and I, and I try and do this often. I extend this to my call clients and remind them when's the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled and gave yourself a wink and said, you're awesome. You're doing awesome. Way to go. Right. Okay. So I want to go into the third thing that I.
It is not really at the, [00:18:00] you know, at the top of mind when you think about what overcommitment would cause. But this for sure could be the number one that leads, that's a pitfall because, well, what it is, it is faulty thinking, okay? Faulty thinking is a pitfall of being overcommitted and then faulty thinking is a pitfall for any of the goals.
Any of the joy, peace, and balance in your life cannot be achieved through faulty thinking. And this is what I mean. We often attribute our burnout and our stress and anxiety and not putting our self care first and not like doing any personal development. We always put the blame on external circumstances, when in reality it is our [00:19:00] thoughts that create our feelings.
So it is faulty thinking when we are believing that anything outside of us, whatever that list of commitments that you've made, That it's any of those things that is creating you feeling stress, anxiety, burned out, or feeling worthless or failure. It never is. It's faulty thinking. That's what attributes to the burnout.
And the more we overcommit, the more then we gather evidence. And we, we believe that it's life circumstances causing our burnout when we just become more, more rooted in those beliefs that, yeah, see, it [00:20:00] is because of. You know, the committee called another meeting that week. It is because my boss asked me to do extra things at work that I said yes to.
But it's really because, like, the boss asked for it. It really is because of all the things you've got going on. It really is because we're in so many activities. You start to believe. Like you can even blame the planner the type of planner that you have isn't the quote right one So you got to find the right one.
There's just a lot of blame, but that is when it's actually our thinking that is not in alignment with What is really creating those feelings? Because it's our thoughts that create our feelings not what's outside of us. So that is I would say the number one pitfall of being overcommitted is [00:21:00] that you then become more and more deeply in belief that it really is circumstances that create how you feel.
When that is the number one thing I am unwinding and unraveling for my clients and it's actually the thing when we correct faulty thinking, when we learn the skill of how to move out of faulty thinking. That is literally when all of the goodness and wonderfulness and transformations happen. So believing that saying no to a commitment is selfish or will disappoint others is faulty thinking.
Assuming that if we don't take on everything that we're not doing enough for our family or community, that is faulty thinking. And to break free from this cycle, we've got to recognize that we have the power to choose our thoughts. [00:22:00] By challenging our faulty thinking and choosing thoughts that serve us, we can avoid overcommitment and the associated burnout that comes with it.
Okay, so what are some solutions? We want to set clear boundaries. We want to prioritize self care. We want to practice self compassion. We want to remember that our worth is not tied to our productivity. We want to challenge our faulty thinking patterns. We want to choose thoughts that support our well being and we want to concentrate on saying yes to the things that matter in our life right now.
Not all the things our brain will tell us are important to do. But there's really only a few things that matter, so there should be fewer yeses. And as we step into the new year, when this episode is released, I [00:23:00] would like you to consider having fewer commitments and saying more yeses to yourself and to self care and to those things that truly matter, like I just mentioned, because when you prioritize your wellbeing, you become better equipped to give your best to your family.
Yourself your community and that is how you become the mom that God created you to be. Okay, my friends Thank you so much for joining me today. And until next time Remember self care is not selfish. It's okay to say no we want to say more yeses that things that matter and Know that a full schedule and full line of commitments is not [00:24:00] essential for a fulfilling life.
And as always, please share this episode with anyone who you think might benefit from it. And I thank you ahead of time for doing so. And I just thank you for being here. And I will be just as excited to see you again next week. And as always. Peace be with you. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
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Become an empowered mom [00:25:00] who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances, whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like minded women or a self study course, I've got you covered. Explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course, Divine Time.
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Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book [00:26:00] daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time. Peace be with you always.
