Episode 198 Transcript
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Danielle Thienel: [00:00:00] You are listening to Episode 198 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, Certified Life Coach at Catholic Mom, Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hey there, friends. Welcome back to the podcast. This is a place where I am dedicated to helping you foster your mindset, faith, and have a renewed spirit of resilience- within the [00:01:00] chaos of motherhood. And I'm so glad you're here. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. And today I'm going to invite you into a mind shift that can greatly impact your approach to the myriad of challenges of being a busy mom.
And that shift that I want you to know about and learn the difference between I'm calling an "If" thinker. versus a "How" thinker, and then we want to move ourselves to become more of the person who goes to the how instead of the if. So once you know what an if thinker is and a how thinker, I'm going to invite you to become more of a how thinker.
So to begin, here is what I want you to see first and foremost the if thinker mom will often find herself wishing [00:02:00] for different circumstances to be taking place in her life, while the how thinker mom seeks solutions and creates opportunities for herself in the present moment. We've all had these moments, right?
I call them the if only moments. For instance, you might find yourself thinking, if only I had more time, then I could volunteer at church. Or let's say, while you're facing the daily exhaustion of the tasks that is taking place for you. With a sigh, you think, if only the children were older, then I would have more energy for a personal prayer time or to handle my job better, et cetera, et cetera.
Now, I'm always acknowledging to [00:03:00] you that these thoughts are natural. Nothing has gone wrong here. Our brains are wired to focus on the negative. However, they reflect, well, first they reflect your human desire at the moment and the current challenges that you're facing. But, however, when you stay stuck in the if, if only X, Y, and Z were happening, but they're not, then that can lead you to a cycle of dissatisfaction and missed opportunities.
And I want to help you not to be dissatisfied with any area in your life. This is where coaching shows you that there's another way. Where right now, there's some missed opportunities. So if you're a mom who [00:04:00] can kind of call herself out on it right now, are you saying a lot of If statements like, if only this wasn't happening, if only this was changed, if only I could get to an, it's just something that's not happening in your present moment, but you believe if only that was happening, then life would be better.
Well, on the other hand, I want you to know that there's an empowering mindset to have that is one who knows. that, like the brain, it's very similar to, I give the example of a laser. Okay? The brain and a laser works the same in that they do its best job when all of the energy [00:05:00] is focused in one direction.
So a laser is a laser, because it has all of the light being concentrated and focused in one spot. Therefore, it can make a very precise cut. Well, you guys, our brains work the same way. When we focus it into a direction, It wants to be right for us. It wants to do the job we send it out to. And if you give it a specific job, it will go there and precisely come back with an answer.
So a how thinker becomes this laser like way when you think in a way that asks a question and goes looking for answers instead of dwelling. That things as [00:06:00] they are are like wrong for you at the moment So this is how it accomplishes it when a mind forms a how question so I like to say when you ask a how question in the form of a powerful question meaning send it looking for an answer.
You actually want an answer to. So a positive question so you can get a positive answer. This is like what a powerful question is. So with a how thinking mind, the focus for you is to go look for an answer that will be helpful, supportive, and life giving to you as a busy mom. So here's an example. Instead of wishing for more time, Right?
Like, so you're thinking, if only I had more time. This is kind of like a wish. A how thinker would ask, How can I manage my time to [00:07:00] contribute? I'm using the example from earlier. How can I manage my time to contribute to my church or community in a meaningful way. So notice how now I'm a how thinker, I'm going into question form with my mind.
So instead of looking at what's happening in my life, meaning I don't have any time and I can't do the volunteering or contributing that I want to, it's going and finding the answer and focusing in a direction. How can I manage my time in a way that I would be already contributing to my church or community in a meaningful way?
And your brain will go seeking a possible answer for you. So another example. Earlier I said where we were, exhausted. We were exhausted and we weren't able. to handle we were [00:08:00] saying that like if only the children were older and if I had more energy and then I would have, you know, more energy to be able to do the things that I want to do.
So if that's happening for you now, if you are actually feeling exhausted, the how thinker would, would be like, okay, despite exhaustion, I will ask my mind, how can I integrate prayer or faith activities or whatever it is that you are not doing now, but you want to do in a way that rejuvenates rather than drains me?
Okay, so how can I integrate what I want to get done or what I want to have happening, but do it in a way that's actually rejuvenating rather than draining? This is the example and the difference between someone who just settles in an if only kind of thinking mentality [00:09:00] to a how. And this shift from if to how, it aligns beautifully with our faith.
Because it's also about seeking God's grace in our present circumstances. And trusting in his promise to care for us in a way that will help us to navigate our challenges. The how thinking mentality is about being proactive, creative, and solution oriented. Just as many as our beloved saints were in their times of adversity.
And so I hope you see how, again, the main thing to know is that the if statements that we come up with, the if only is wanting things to be different than our present circumstances are showing us and a how thinker is looking for [00:10:00] those solutions and being forward thinking and kind of already putting itself in a mentality or a place where things are different.
Instead of fighting what is, it's actually being proactive and creative to make what they want to be happening. And some other simple ways to grow in a how thinking mentality would also be to do things like practice gratitude. You can begin and end each day by acknowledging and giving thanks for what you have rather than lamenting with What you don't have.
And when we do this, it shows us how we already have so much that brings us joy in our life. So that's very much in alignment with a how thinker. A how thinker also seeks solutions. Encourage yourself to brainstorm solutions [00:11:00] rather than dwelling on problems. And this act of seeking solutions means that your brain is being proactive.
And it helps you to jump into action because you've decided. You've taken a look at what some other solutions are out there. And another simple way to grow in the how thinking mentality is to pray for guidance. Prayer is the answer to so much for us, who don't know how to see a way out when we are in negative focus thinking.
So incorporate prayers for wisdom and discernment in your daily routine and a Beautiful prayer to start with is the serenity prayer, right? Asking God for the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. But today I want you to [00:12:00] take away mostly this.
I want you to take away the awareness of, if you are an if only thinking person, Like this wasn't happening type of mentality, wishing it wasn't happening to a, how can I find a solution mentality in your busy mom life? And because I'm passionate about how adapting to a how thinker mindset can be a game changer, especially for busy moms striving for a peaceful mind.
I want to give you 10 examples of if statements, and then they're empowering, countering how alternative questions, and as I go through them, I just want you to notice the difference in the feeling that is invoked to you when you hear, between the choices of how your mind has an option to respond to things and to see if you think you might [00:13:00] feel better going from an if thinker to a how thinker.
Because these episodes are here to give you awareness of what you might be doing. and thinking in your own life and how it's holding you back. And so when I give you these, see if you think that you are open and that this concept of moving to a health thinker could benefit you. And if so, then I invite you to, to give it a try to apply it in your life and then of course, I'm always here to meet with you to find out if that regular coaching and what I have to offer can help you make this a permanent part of the way that your own mind works.
Okay, so here's some. If statements, and then I'm going to follow it up with the how question, the powerful questions [00:14:00] that a how thinker would use in that moment. Okay, number one, if only I had more time, I could start working out. And then a how thinker would respond with, How can I adjust my schedule to fit in working out even if it's short on most days?
Okay, number two. Here's an if statement. If my kids were older, I could contribute more to my community. We used this example earlier. Okay, the way to counteract that with a how thought or how question is, How can I involve my children in community service or find activities that accommodate younger children?
Number three example. Here's the if statement. If I had a quieter house, I could meditate and [00:15:00] pray more. And the how thinker would say, How can I create a quiet moment in my day or incorporate mindfulness in the midst of chaos? Okay, next. An if statement is, If only we had more money, we could then eat healthier meals.
But a how thinker would respond with, How can I make healthier meals on a budget or find resources that can help?
The next if statement. If my spouse were more supportive, I could then achieve my goals. But a how thinker would say, How can I communicate my needs to my spouse and work together to support each other's goals? How about this thought? If I didn't have so many responsibilities, I could focus on self care or self [00:16:00] improvement time for myself.
Have any of you ever thought that? Yes, I know. But a how thinker would say, how can I manage my responsibilities efficiently so that then I can carve out time for self care or self improvement? Okay, a few more examples. An if thinker would say, if my kids were less demanding, I could have some peace of mind.
But a how thinker would say, how can I teach my children independence? and self soothing techniques to create a calmer household. And then, here's another if statement. If only I had a bigger home, I could host more family gatherings. But an how thinker would say, How can I utilize the space that I have or find alternative venues to host family gatherings?
See how [00:17:00] it's just like, using a powerful question, and then that brain will go and find and come up with some answers and it's taking the focus off of what's not happening and put it on the focus of possibility. Alright, the last two. If I had a more flexible job, I could attend more of my kids school events.
But a how thinker says, how can I discuss a flexible schedule with my employer or rearrange my workload to be present at important events? And the last one, the last example I want to give you is if I had more help, I could keep a cleaner home. And the how thinker says, how can I create a manageable cleaning schedule or seek affordable help to maintain a tidy home?
Okay, so what did you think and feel [00:18:00] as I read these examples? What I want you to take away from today's episode is that switching from an if to a how mindset empowers you to look for solutions and opportunities within your existing current circumstances. And when you do, it will promote a more peaceful and proactive approach to your daily challenges.
And ultimately, it will provide you with more peace of mind, and this is what we are all seeking. So embracing a how thinking mindset can significantly shift how you navigate the challenges and create more joys in motherhood. All right, everyone, as always, I hope this was helpful to you. I [00:19:00] also, as always, want to let you know that I am here for you.
I am so grateful that you come back here every week and it'll be no different. I will see you soon again next week right back here and until then, peace be with you.
Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review.
It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools to create peace of mind in your busy mom life. And if you're of the Catholic faith like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help.
Become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances. Whether you need one on one guidance to get there, prefer a group [00:20:00] coaching program with like- minded women, or a self study course, I've got you covered. Explore my private one on one packages, join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course, Divine Time.
To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit. Schedule a free call with me at www.daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching. And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, The Cyclone Mom Method: How To Call On Your God-Given Power To Remain Calm In Control and Confident As A Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to www.Book.daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.[00:21:00]
