Episode 184
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You are listening to episode 184 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best mom. You are created by God to be. If you wanna bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel
in the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hello and welcome to another episode. I especially want to say to the moms out there that are feeling great, feeling like they're doing a good job and on top of things that I think that is amazing. I hope that this podcast, you can say is you know, played a part in that, what I have to offer here to help you move closer.
But today's episode, I am thinking about the mom out there who is, who has this recording in her head over and over again that says, I'm a failure. I feel like a failure. I'm failing. And your who is tugging at my heart right now. I do have clients who come to me and, and I will hear them say that and we coach on it and coach on it fast because as you know, how we feel matters.
It matters so much. And I know that you cannot show up. In your life, enjoying it, feeling peace, going after your dreams, going after your goals, being the effective mom you wanna be, being efficient in all that you wanna do. If you are carrying around this thought system that you are failing. And so that's who I wanna talk to.
And I, I first wanna say, That when we as moms, as humans feel like we're failing, that I know that it's hard and feels heavy, but remember, we are all in this together. We have all felt this at some point, but having the awareness that this belief pattern for yourself will not serve you in any way, and we do wanna pivot from it as much.
As possible that we can. So first off, let's talk about and understand where this feeling is coming from. Often it's coming from a place of perfectionism, unrealistic expectations that you've played on yourself, or definitely in comparison with other moms. So my, my feelings of failure that came with my motherhood, especially as I was juggling three young kids, came from that place of perfectionism.
I've, I've spoken about my journey as a recovering perfectionist before on the podcast, but when I always felt like I had to be perfect about everything, which of course is unattainable for sure. We are going to have that thought that I'm a failure because perfectionists are so extreme. It's all or nothing.
It's like a hundred percent we get a gold star or an A plus or it's a total zero, A total failure. And even if you're not someone who you would listen to this and say, well, I'm not really a perfectionist, we all can relate to see. Where we're putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves and our motherhood and, and what we're capable of as a human being.
A human being who has a finite amount of time and energy to, to use throughout each day. And then the comparison with other moms with this increase in, in access to what is going on in other people's lives through social media and the way that. It is portrayed and put out there where it looks often. So wonderful and awesome all the time.
But remember what I teach you here about the 50 50 is that every single human being is having positive and negative experience because that's what makes up this human life. So we forget that sometimes, and we make a comparison with other moms, and that leads us to being like, They've got it together.
They know what they're doing, and I'm over here broken. Something's wrong with me. I'm totally missing a specific chromosome. My life will never be that way. I'm a total failure. So sometimes society will, will lead us to that and even more so I know the most harsh way is coming from our inner critic. That inner critic sets the bars too high, and it makes it so easy for us to feel like we've fallen short and this can manifest as feelings of failure.
And then we own that, and then we start thinking it over and over, and then we believe it, and then before we know it, it's just, it's part of our, our psyche and our belief system that it's true. Which doesn't serve us or our children in a positive way. And remember, whatever you focus your brain on will grow.
It will go seeking answers for whatever you tell it. So when you say, I'm a failure, I feel like a failure. It will then go out and find out and show you and bring back and build evidence to support that. Yep. You are. Remember that mistake you made back in the third grade? Remember what the, the test showed when you, you know, what the doctor said and all of those things, your, your brain will go find evidence.
But as Christian moms, we understand that we are not defined by our mistakes or our shortcomings. We are just not. We are God's creation and he has equipped us with all the strength and grace we need to overcome the hurdles that we face and the mistakes that we made. He's a merciful God, and remember Romans 8 28 says, and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose.
So we can't be a failure. And we also wanna separate that. Yeah. Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we do fall short in in certain things. But what we do as moms is we combine that with our sense of worth, and they are not the same because your worth is already set. It's already been paid for. You came into a hundred percent worthiness when you were born because you exist.
When we are, I don't know, extra snappy with our kids or forget something or just are trying to keep the house clean and it seems to never get that way. We're gonna tell ourselves that we're worthless or that we're not worthy of good things. But notice how they're two separate things. Your worth is already a hundred percent there as a child of God.
And so I wanna remind you of your value mom out there who today is thinking that they're failing, and who I prayed to God to bring this podcast episode two. So I can remind you that you are not a failure. You are a child of God. You're a mom, you're a friend, you're a spouse. You wear many hats and you wear them well, even if your brain is telling you that you don't.
It's still not the truth. It's just your thoughts today. So I invite you to reassess these standards that you've set. Is it really a failure to serve takeout for dinner because you are too busy or tired to cook? No, it isn't. Sometimes we need coping strategies for a busy day. I can't stress enough that I know that if you are carrying around this feeling that you're a failure, then you are not focusing on your victories and you have them no matter how small they seem.
You haven't been focusing on all the things that you have been doing well and doing right, and they need celebrating. When you think about them and focus on 'em, you will feel good. As opposed to focusing on all the things that are not going right or what you didn't do. Did your kids like get dressed today or bathed or fed?
That's a win. Did you pray for someone or pray for yourself? That's a win. Did you give a hug? That's a win. Did you find a few minutes to. Take care of something, putting somebody else first when you wanted to do something else. That's a win.
And I want to, before we wrap up, I want you to think about a new perspective. 'cause what if I told you that in motherhood there is just no such thing as failure. It just doesn't exist, it's gone. It would be a bit hard to believe, right? Here is a refreshing perspective I want to offer you today to consider in everything we do As moms, we are either doing one of only two things.
We are either winning or learning. So we often look at these shortcomings or mistakes as failures, but what if you looked at them as learning experiences? Instead, what can you learn from this mistake? What can you learn from this said quote, failure? Is it a burnt dinner? Forgotten laundry, missed soccer game?
They all hold go Golden nuggets of wisdom for you to take with you to pivot to or to try differently next time you are human. So each time we quote fail, it's an opportunity for us to learn something about ourselves, about our capabilities, about our boundaries, whether they're set or not set, or we're following them or not following them.
It's a chance for us to grow, to become better versions of ourselves. And when we view these moments, not as failures, but as valuable lessons, we remove the negativity and self blame that and we replace them. With wisdom and resilience. So if you are feeling like you are a failure right now, or the next time when you feel like you've failed, try to shift your perspective.
Ask yourself, what can I learn from this? How can this help me grow? And you'll soon realize that you're not failing, you're learning, you're growing, and you're becoming the best mom you can be in this human construct that we've been given. That will be a true victory. So to any of my sweet mamas out there who are feeling like a failure today, I am here to tell you that you're doing a wonderful job, and I'm sorry that you haven't heard that from somebody else in a while, and we don't have to wait for our kids to tell us.
You can tell yourself. And for today, I'm telling you, give yourself grace. Lean into your faith. And remember, it's up to us to find joy on this journey and cultivate joy and create it for ourselves. 'cause you are a great mom. I know it. And you are doing way better than you think. And if you just can't get unstuck, From a thought pattern of being a failure, then do give yourself the greatest gift and reach out to get some help.
I would love to help you to reassure you that you're not alone. To offer you some really good tools and strategies that you can overcome this obstacle that is keeping you from being the mom that God created you to be and having more peace and joy in your life. Okay, everyone, thanks for joining me and have a beautiful week and I will talk to you again soon.
Thank you for tuning into today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Are you ready to take everything I teach you here and put it to work for your own life to really learn how to have peace of mind no matter what is happening around you? If so, I'd love to have you as a client, as your coach. This is where you'll get personal and focused time on your own mind, using life coaching tools, concepts, and proven life, transforming wisdom, all through a faith-filled lens.
To learn more about how we can work together, come on over to daniellethienel.com. There you'll see how to sign up for a free coaching consult and learn how to get started. Until next time, peace be with you always.
